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going out of my mind with worry

ruthied's picture
ruthied
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2011

i went to see my oncologist today thinking i would be just offered chemotherapy as everyone has said that its a wait and see game but my latest mri and ct was clear...to my horror i get told the following
In 3 weeks my CEA has gone from 8 to 31 and I have had an MRI and a CT and they cant find anything? They looked at my histology and they are not sure if the cancer was taken all away or not because they cant get the info from Leeds where I had my operation …its been 5 MONTHS and still they haven’t got any info …now they say that it’s a waiting game ???? but im bleeding and they say its not cancer as they cant see it so it may be a collection in my pelvis???
What do I do ? is the cea going up so fast a sign im rapidly getting worse and it will take me ill die quickly ? are the hospital useless and not looking correctly ? or can the cea be caused by menopause and the small infection I had in my pelvis…I have sobbed for hours im so scared ill go soon ,im not allowed chemo because of the infection and bleeding. How soon do these tumours come back? and i have crashing fatigue too ?can this be a sign because my bloods apart from the cea are normal,i see my son and im heartbroken everyday because i know ill have to leave him at a young age in the hands of someone who has not been there for many years other than a few days a year. if this was just me i think id take my own life because the fear ia awful,i feel i am on borrowed time with no answers and nobody fighting my case to help me survive but me...i have had rectal cancer spread to my sacrum,so they carried out a pioneering operation to remove the bone and the bowel and the womb march 12th 2012,this was in the daily mail uk as i had been misdaignosed and to get an operation in the first place took me 6 months of pleading and internet research and media attention...any advice gratefully recived x

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southernhound
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2012

Ruthie we're here to talk to and help you through this. I know that you must be terribly frightened and I understand you wanting to give up. It sounds like a natural reaction to me to be afraid of the pain and then you think about your son and know that you don't want to leave him any sooner than you have to. It would be a good time for you to call a friend and talk with them until you feel a little calmer. I have been experiencing some of these same racing thoughts becuase of the fear and the anxiety of not knowing what is happening or going to happen.
I don't know what all of your tests mean, I am new to this but you must still be recovering from the surgery for the rectal cancer. I have seen some other comments on this site where other women experienced this same type of bleeding you are talking about, after they had surgery for anal cancer. Hopefully, one of them will see your post soon and let you know what they were told.
The people on this site are wonderful and strong and they will help you through these difficult and hurtful times. Take care.

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