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New mom without a mom

ErinLeigh
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2012

My mom passed away this past Saturday morning, 7/21. She was diagnosed back in March, had surgery in April to remove the mass in her throat, and was given 6 weeks to recover so we could start radiation, but she never recovered. Everything that could have went wrong did. Pneumonia, strokes, cardiac arrest... All of this stopped her recovery, and 1 month ago we were told it was back. Docs said there's nothing we can do. I think today it finally hit me, she's gone. I've been so busy making arrangements I hadn't really stopped. This pain is so overwhelming, I feel physically sick quite often. The part I am most heartbroken over is that I gave birth to my first child, and my
Moms first granddaughter, on 5/17. I had to go through it alone. I had to go though being a new, scared mom alone. I started off being mad at my mom. How dare she leave me like this??! How dare she get sick and abandon me when I needed her most?! Then the sadness came on strong when I found out we would lose our battle. I thought I had kind of started grieving then, but maybe I was still in denial even 3 weeks ago. Now that she really is gone, I am heartbroken beyond compare. She only got to see her granddaughter twice. As I'm typing this tears are streaming down my face on to my 10 week old who is sleeping curled up next to me. My poor dad is exhausted from driving up to the hospital 4 times a day to be with her. We all say " it's better this way, she's not suffering", but that's just filler and BS. Truth is I'm pissed she's gone and devastated. I wonder how people move on from this? I would love to hear from new moms who have lost their moms. I'd love to hear from anybody about how they have coped. I still don't think it's hit me. The service is in 2 days so maybe it will then. I even thought to myself today, " oh I'll just call mom for that recipe"... Wow. I am thankful for my baby because if she wasn't here I would be drinking myself into oblivion and probably do something real stupid.

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

ErinLeigh,

I lost my wife 3 months ago. The anger does get better, I don't how long it takes because I still have some that flares up. I can't say anything about the hurt, because it's still there.

Steve

BenLenBo's picture
BenLenBo
Posts: 144
Joined: Feb 2012

Erin,
I know where you are coming from, my mother died when I was 5 months pregnant. Mom had leukemia, and one of her doctors gave her 5 pints of blood, so fast it burst the vessel in her head. She had leukemia before I was born, live over 23 years with this cancer until doctor error. I remember delivery my son, and crying for my mother, knowing she would never see my children. She was so excited to have a baby in the family again, I am 20 plus years younger than my siblings. My parents were both extremely excited. I sit here 32 years later, still wishing she was in my life, and had the ability to see my children and new granddaughter who was just born a few days ago. The pain never goes away, but I have wonderful memories to carry with me daily. Life is not fair, but one
just has to deal with it the best they can. My father stepped in to be be there for my husband and I, babysittings, offering advise and just being DAD.
You will one day loose this anger that you are feeling for the loss of your mother. She will remain forever in your heart. One day you will say something to your child, and it will be your mother's voice coming out of your mouth. Being stunned and laughing at the same time. Your mother is gone physical, but she remains with you daily,through your actions or those around you.
Nows the time to be the mother to your child, that your mother prepared you for!

((((Hugs)))

Carol

willbesurvivor's picture
willbesurvivor
Posts: 50
Joined: Jan 2011

I lost my mum on the 21st of July as well, just after midnight. She battled for about a year and a half with a really agressive cancer. My niece was born a couple of weeks before hand but my sister in law was sick so they couldn't travel to see mum so she never got to meet her first grand daughter. I know she was hanging out to meet her but it just didn't work out...
My brother managed to just miss the birth of his daughter by about 2 hours and then missed mum's death by about 5.
I don't know how to handle the pain, I just don't think about it or I go crazy.

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