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Strong ladies

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Ladies

I have been reading some of you posts, funny ones, scary ones, sad ones everything.
I can really see what strength you all have.
I have always felt like I was a strong person, but lately I do not feel strong. Mostly scared.

Keeping the tears away has become so hard. Every little thing brings me right back to my newest reality. Watching a movie, doing a puzzle nothing is helping right now.

I received the ct report yesterday, it was full of info that I had only been guessing about. I am still hopeful that the stage will be lower than I think it is. I am trying to not create trouble where there might not be any. But having been a nurse in my past life, and my just normal research type personality, I am so so scared.

The radiologist seems to believe that there are peritoneal implants. I just hope that on Tuesday, the onc does not find that to be so. The thought of it sends chills up my spine.

How do you handle the scary unknown, but probable.
Any tips on getting through the weekend would be so appreciated.

Thank you all for showing me the strenght you have. I am trying to find mine right now.

(((hugs)))
Lisha

sandyinmi
Posts: 17
Joined: Jan 2012

and only depletes you of energy you could use for your own healing.

Diagnosed in December and had surgery in January. Two tumors - one as large as a watermelon, the other the size of a cantalope. Doctor thought I was IIIC. Pathology came back, we found I was a IIB. I wasted much of my minimal strength worrying and it didn't change things and didn't help.

I've since found I'm BRCA 2 positive. Odds of breast cancer hovering around 90%. I want to put my energy into healing and doing things that I enjoy....will deal with the unpleasantness as I have to.

If you can, do something fun tomorrow. Go to the zoo, play with the grandkids, whatever.

I just read your background. You have amazing strength yourself.

Please let us know how it goes on Tuesday, ok?
Sandy

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1227
Joined: Sep 2011

Keep telling yourself that whatever the news is on Tuesday, you can face it and will deal with it. Given all that you've gone through in your life, you already proven that you're a fighter.

Sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers for the best possible news on Tuesday.

Hugs,
Kelly

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 394
Joined: Apr 2012

What I have found with reading post after post, is that size doesn't matter. Many of you...have had huge tumors....meaning cantaloupe, watermelon, ect. But many times you still have cancer that has maintained localization in the pelvis keeping you at II grade or under. My tumor was 7.3 by 5.6 on the right ovary and when they went in my left ovary was small, but full of cancer. I had no lymph node involvement, but lesions in my omentum which took cancer out of the pelvis and into the abdomen making me stage III c. The c of course meaning high grade.

Ok, now a thought.... the the factor of fear...Yes, I agree keeping a positive attitude is the best for yourself, people around you, and an overall better feeling of survival. Easier said than done. I currently am so sad that I cry a lot. I know I have everyone helping me, praying, and my prognosis has been good. I'm responding well to chemo....sometimes too well due to having more frequent low WBC and RBC which has held my chemo more frequently. For having ovca....I have had the best news...but....I'm sad. The drugs we take such as chemo, neupogen, anti-nausea, pain killers, ect all play havoc with our bodies and emotions. Let alone the uncertainty of cancer and its future. Yes, it depletes your energy...but so does everything we have to do to fight this disease. I think it is part the journey we are on. It is exhausting. As you can tell I am in a down stroke right now. Everytime my blood counts are low, my mood is also low. But...to fight fight the fear and bring out the courage...look forward to the good days when you feel yourself, you are managing the drugs, the treatments. On the bad days lean on those who are close to you and let them in to help you. Kim

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 332
Joined: Jan 2012

Hi there.
You already are a strong lady who has coped with much. One thing I do most mornings before getting out ofbed is ask the Lord to protect my mind and emotions for the day. Seems to help me. If nothing else just talking to Him helps me.
Love
Shawnna

Tethys41's picture
Tethys41
Posts: 1053
Joined: Sep 2010

I was not blind to what was going on with me, but I told my doctor, up front, that I didn't want to hear about survival or statistics. I'm very glad I did, because, if we'd had that conversation, he would have told me I had less than a year (this is what he told my brother). I was diagnosed stage IIIc papillary serous adenocarcinoma: suboptimal debulking; 16 of 21 lymphnodes removed were cancerous; the surgeon left tumors on my liver and lymph nodes in my mesentary tissue that were unrecognizable, due to disease involvement. But instead of focusing on my poor diagnosis, that I didn't know about, I forged ahead;researched my options, kept my thoughts trained on getting well. Over the course of my treatment, I developed so much ascites that I had to have it drained every three days for two months. All told, I had 80 liters drained. I was put on TPN 24/7 for 3 months. I incorporated a lot of integrative therapies into my treatment, under the guidance of my naturopah, much to my doctors' dismay: high dose IV vitamin C, supplements, biofeedback, and creative visualization. Well...I made it, and have been NED for 2 1/2 years. Anything is possible.

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 394
Joined: Apr 2012

Tethys You have an amazing story. Kim

Tethys41's picture
Tethys41
Posts: 1053
Joined: Sep 2010

It was nuts.

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 332
Joined: Jan 2012

Wow. I love your story. What encouragement that is to me! You had a really rough time ! So happy you are NED. Keep on keeping on!

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 332
Joined: Jan 2012

What is biofeedback?

Tethys41's picture
Tethys41
Posts: 1053
Joined: Sep 2010

I think the term biofeedback is used because some insurance the will cover that treatment. The treatment I recieved was with a SCIO unit. It is a computer with a program that was originally written for NASA to keep the astronauts healthy while in space. It is said to be able to assess and reset any freqeuncies that are not properly set in your body. I'm a skeptic when it comes to such things, but I'm sure it helped. I could certainly feel the difference when she treated me for the side effects of chemo, and the unit was definitely able to tell use where I was with regard to the cancer.

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

So being scared is part of the ride. It took me about four months and then I went back to something I did 20 years ago drawing and it takes my mind off of the tension of waiting for a reports. But when it comes to catscans nothing takes my mind off it and I have just over a year of waiting. Talking with the ladies on this site helps alot. At first it is hard to see the strenght you had before is still there and you will find it soon just reach out to those you love and let them help you through this. That was the hardest thing for me to do before I was dx I was a house manager for adult with mental handicapps. I spent most of my life helping others so asking for help was very hard to do. You being a nures I bet it is hard for you also but do it that is the only way I made it through this.

Much
Love, hugs, and prayers
Anne

davevg
Posts: 114
Joined: May 2011

Tina does not want to know anything. I do the researching and what not on the internet. She will ask me something and I usually say look it up but she will not. She's funny like that. If she really presses me I will try to put it in such a way that its truthful but candy coated. She will not even consider coming on these forums and i have tried to get her to several times. She worries but I don't think as much as if she knew what I know.

Tethys thank you soooooo much

Your post was very uplifting to me when I needed it the most. Thank you

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 394
Joined: Apr 2012

Hi Dave, I can understand your wife and why she doesn't want to research. I'm a nurse practitioner, so I research it all and need to know. BUT...some days when I feel poor (usually when my hemoglobulin is low) I struggle with the knowledge I have about this disease and sometimes I stay away from the boards. I seem to find the worst cases scenarios when I feel the worst. It just increases my anxiety about the disease. Maybe she needs to know what you and the doctor tell her to stay stable right now. It may just be how she can deal with the disease especially with all the complications she has had. Kim

carol777
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2012

I except that I am afraid and hope for the best. I understand the fear of the unknown. I let the tears flow and sometimes journal or do art work. Try and do things that you enjoy. Hope for the best

Hugs

Carol

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