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First time I've looked at my wife and thought... she has cancer

davevg
Posts: 114
Joined: May 2011

I looked at Tina the other day and for the first time sense she was diagnosed I looked at her and thought she looked so sickly but yet still so beautiful. My mind has been kind of going to the dark side lately like thinking about the possibility of loosing her. I'm not a crier but I could feel the tears welling up as I was admiring her and I had to leave the room to get my composer back. I'm struggling lately to keep those thoughts out. I will not let it consume me though. Thank you all for listening.

Prayers to you all

Dave & Tina

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

your honesty. This disease is difficult for everyone. I know I try very hard to hide my emotions from my mom and son. It is hard enough for them to deal with the fact that I have cancer so I try to spare them from my fears, anxiety and tears. I sometimes wish we could all just let everything out. Be honest, say how we feel.

I too go to the dark side at times. I have even pictured my funeral but I remind myself not to look too far ahead. Thankfully I am usually able to stay in the now.

It's a tough call but maybe Tina would want you to let her know how you are feeling. I lost my the man in my life to a heart attack. He was gone before I could get to him. There were so many things left unsaid, even a last I love you.

Us ladies are a pretty tough bunch. I know I could take it if my mom or son opened up to me about their fears of losing me. Maybe we would all cry but I believe it would give us all peace.

My best to you and Tina.

Karen

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1237
Joined: Sep 2011

My husband doesn't come to this board but if he did, I know he would understand you completely. Although I am currently NED, I know that doesn't lessen his fears of losing me and the possibility of life without me. Throughout this journey, my husband, who is also not a crier, has never shown any fear to me (except for the day of my diagnosis) because he wants to be strong for me, but he admitted recently that he has broken down and cried several times when I was not around.

This journey is a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm glad you are able to come to this board, to share the things that you as the loving caretaker are going through.

Continuing to send good thoughts and prayers to you and Tina.

Kelly

Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 558
Joined: Jul 2012

Hi Dave

What you are feeling is totaly natural as you watch the love of your life in this battle. My husband has broken down a couple times. We also talk about it.

One night stands out vividly in my mind. 2 days after my first treatment I dehydrated bad bad and passed out on or tile kitchen floor hitting my head on the corner of our pub table on the way down. He picked me up as I came too and tried moving me back down stairs to the couch. I passed out on the way down again and he gently laid me down on the stairs legs bent at the knees cutting circulation. I did not come too and he said I was not breathing so he called 911. The operator told him to get me flat to start rescue breathing and as soon as he laid me flat and circulation got going I came too. I took a trip to the hospital to make sure i did not have a concussion and they also gave me 2 liters of fluid to hydrate me.

That night he sat down on the edge of the couch started crying and said "I thought I lost you today. I don't want to ever have to experience that again". We cried and had a great talk for quite a while.

Since we shaved my head he has not gone a day without telling me at least once (usually many more) how beautiul I am... It lifts me up because when I look in the mirror sometimes I don't like what I see looking back at me.

Talk to Tina. Let her know how much you love her. Let her know again that you two are in this fight together. You have her back....

It is ok for a caregiver to cry too... Coming from experience I can tell you she will not think you are weak... This whole cancer experience has brought my husband and I sooooo much closer. We no longer take the little things for granted and we do not put things off till the next day.....

I believe strongly my husband (or any caregiver for that matter) deserve a gold medal for what they do. Don't think what you do goes unnoticed to Tina. I am sure she knows this is hard for you too. Once Aaron and I started talking about how he felt and his emotions our relationship soared to a whole new level....

We have alot of friends but I can say there are 4 couples we are very close like family with. Those husbands took time to stop and see Aaron, text him, call him, to check and say "Hey do you need anything, a break, an ear, anything" and that really helped.

Eileen

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debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 755
Joined: Sep 2011

I really envy all of you. We all have cancer, but our support systems are so different. What I wouldn't give for my husband to tell me I'm beautiful, or that he couldn't live without me. That won't happen and I know that now. I'm with the rest of the ladies Dave. Tell Tina how you feel..we women are supposed to be the care-givers, nurturers. Let her comfort you! Best, debrajo

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

I respect your honesty. I also think it is good you come to this board for support too. My husband has been fantastic to meet my needs and has so much compassion and love everyday for me. But, I worry about him. He never says he is worried about my prognosis....he never lets that fear out. He only did it once three weeks after surgery when it hit him I had cancer and it was serious.

So you keep coming back and shre your feelings so you can continue to be strong for Tina. Kim

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

Dave thank you for being there for us so many times now lean on us during this time. You are in my prayers dayly.

Anne

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1151
Joined: Nov 2010

You are such an inspiration to me and seein cancer through your eyes. Yes it is very hard to see your loved one going through this,,,,believe me your emotional support is needed. Keep on doing what you are doing and come here anytime,through good times and bad,,we are here for you too...Val

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