Jul 09, 2012 - 2:53 pm
My dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last week. We don't yet know how bad it is, but he has had symptoms for about a year. He's lost a lot of weight.
I am the second of 4 girls. My dad changed a lot around the time I was in high school, sort of a mid-life crisis that he never got out of. He checked out of life. He stopped being a dad to my younger sister, and never was a dad to my baby sister. He ignored her. She hates him.
There is quite a variety in our feelings toward him. We all have different temperaments. I am a softer nature. I acknowledge my dad's many many shortcomings and the fact that he is a very selfish and difficult person. But I also have a TON of compassion and sympathy for him, just for the life he has had and now his diagnosis. I love him so much and I have been crying every day imagining him actually dying.
It is very weird to have this experience and feel so isolated from the rest of my family. We are not talking about it. I don't want to talk to any of them because they are not very sad. My older sister says her feelings are "conflicted" and admits to feeling a sense of "hope and relief" because he's a burden to everyone. My mom's anger toward him pours out even as she talks about his cancer. I can't handle it! My anger toward them for not forgiving him or having compassion is overwhelming.
Just wondering if anybody's been through this. I feel very alone.