Lets cut out the argumentive jargon on here,

camul
camul Member Posts: 2,537
in Breast Cancer #1
In the last week, the jabs, lack of respect for one another, and plain old arguing has gotten out of hand. It is causing riff's and almost forcing people to take sides. If you don't agree with someone, there are ways of expressing your opinion without the rude comments.

It is not in anyone's place to force their views on someone else. We all have our own point of view on our cancer and how we choose to go about living with it and being treated. There is no one cancer that is more important than another. They all suck. We can have the same diagnosis, but depending on our onco, we may all have different tx, depends on so many other factors, ie. drs, environment, or other medical conditions that we may have.

Stage IV has different grades, and there are no two of us who are stage iv that are the same, or that will have the exact same journey. Some of us accept that we are terminal, some of us accept that we are fighting a chronic condition, but it is not up to our 'pink supports' to determine where we are in this journey and how we should handle it.

Cancer is not a competition! Never has this been about who is worse off than anyone else. Most with stage iv were stage 1,2 or 3 at some point and it is unbelievable that they would think that it was not scary, or would forget what they went through with their initial diagnosis and not feel for everyone on this board.

It is time to cut the crap and continue to be a support group! It is hard enough sometimes just trying to get through each day without reading this bs.
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Comments

  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #2
    Amen
    Amen, Carol--you read my mind!

    Hugs to you, sweet warrior, Renee
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #3
    missrenee said:

    Amen
    Amen, Carol--you read my mind!

    Hugs to you, sweet warrior, Renee

    Welcome
    It is too much, glad you are doing well Renee! You always make me smile.
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #4
    Kudos to Camul!
    Well said Camul! Thank you for stepping up to the plate and clearing the air. Let's move on!
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    #5
    Oh Boy
    I guess I've missed a lot. Glad I did.

    SO sorry to hear that there are some who think cancer is like a race to the finish. I agree with EVERYTHING you said here Carol.

    I am at Stage II (I almost said .. only StageII) and I do sometimes feel my cancer is nothing at all. I say that because I see the struggle my sisters are faced with. I've said this before (in private) that I don't think I belong here because my stage is very treatable.

    Having said that ... I know cancer of any form or stage is still cancer. A very scary disease that threatens one's life.

    SO to whomever feels that each stage is competition ... stop! Life is precious and fighting for it is even more precious.

    Don't make life for us as sisters more stressful. K?

    thanks Carol for being so straight forward about this
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #6
    MsGebby said:

    Oh Boy
    I guess I've missed a lot. Glad I did.

    SO sorry to hear that there are some who think cancer is like a race to the finish. I agree with EVERYTHING you said here Carol.

    I am at Stage II (I almost said .. only StageII) and I do sometimes feel my cancer is nothing at all. I say that because I see the struggle my sisters are faced with. I've said this before (in private) that I don't think I belong here because my stage is very treatable.

    Having said that ... I know cancer of any form or stage is still cancer. A very scary disease that threatens one's life.

    SO to whomever feels that each stage is competition ... stop! Life is precious and fighting for it is even more precious.

    Don't make life for us as sisters more stressful. K?

    thanks Carol for being so straight forward about this

    Thank you
    for your courage, your wisdom, and for speaking truth!

    You're not just a pretty face:).

    xoxo
    Victoria
  • jendrey
    jendrey Member Posts: 377
    #7
    aisling8 said:

    Thank you
    for your courage, your wisdom, and for speaking truth!

    You're not just a pretty face:).

    xoxo
    Victoria

    guttersniping, bad mouthing, talk down...
    Glad I missed it. But yes, that type of nonsense has no business here. Nobody benefits from such activity.

    Did we not, each and everyone one of us, at some point in our collective life (say kindergarten) ever learn if you don't have anything nice to say then just don't, as in don't say anything at all?!!

    There but for...

    (((Hugs)))
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #8
    Carol.
    Thankfully, I also missed all that. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I came here right after my surgery more than 2 years ago. I would not still be here if that is what I found. It breaks my heart to know that stuff like that might go on here.

    This place is a sanctuary and we should treat each other with the kindness, love and respect that we each are due. I just recommended this board to a dear friend who was recently dx'd and had surgery Monday. I would not have done that if I thought bickering is the first thing she would have encountered.

    Sue
  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #9
    I Agree
    I have been lucky as I haven't been on the boards lately and missed this. Good call.

    Terry
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
    wow i missed something..I
    wow i missed something..I just come on her to vent...right or wrong...just opinions...


    Denise
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #11
    disneyfan2008 said:

    wow i missed something..I
    wow i missed something..I just come on her to vent...right or wrong...just opinions...


    Denise

    Carol ...
    THANK YOU for articulating what has been on my mind and heart this past week.

    We are a FAMILY of WARRIORS, AND SURVIVORS - plain and simple.


    Vicki Sam
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #12
    We are all in this together
    We are all in this together and our strength is in our common ground. Thank you for reminding all of us of this fact. I perceive my job as Stage 4 as one of mentor and support.

    I may be naive, but I do view my illness as a chronic disease. I may be in denial, but, so far, it is working well for me, so I am staying in denial ;-). 25 years is a long time for denial to work :-).

    However, I am acutely sensitive to the fact that, no matter what many do, Stage 4 may be terminal. My heart breaks for every lost warrior.

    But I will never quit hoping and fighting. Before my diagnosis, I never fully realized the importance of hope. Now, I am much more aware with my patient's families of what I say. Give them the truth, but there is always a way to also provide hope and succor.

    I love all of my fellow warriors. And I will try and stay as compliant as possible and keep fighting!
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #13
    CypressCynthia said:

    We are all in this together
    We are all in this together and our strength is in our common ground. Thank you for reminding all of us of this fact. I perceive my job as Stage 4 as one of mentor and support.

    I may be naive, but I do view my illness as a chronic disease. I may be in denial, but, so far, it is working well for me, so I am staying in denial ;-). 25 years is a long time for denial to work :-).

    However, I am acutely sensitive to the fact that, no matter what many do, Stage 4 may be terminal. My heart breaks for every lost warrior.

    But I will never quit hoping and fighting. Before my diagnosis, I never fully realized the importance of hope. Now, I am much more aware with my patient's families of what I say. Give them the truth, but there is always a way to also provide hope and succor.

    I love all of my fellow warriors. And I will try and stay as compliant as possible and keep fighting!

    Thank you Carol
    Carol,
    Thank you for your wisdom and compassion.
    We need keep hope alive
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #14
    New Flower said:

    Thank you Carol
    Carol,
    Thank you for your wisdom and compassion.
    We need keep hope alive

    I just hope that those take
    I just hope that those take the good advice you laid out Carol! I am not sure they will, but, we will see.
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #15
    Kristin N said:

    I just hope that those take
    I just hope that those take the good advice you laid out Carol! I am not sure they will, but, we will see.

    Well said Carol
    Thank you. I love you all

    Suzanne
  • Frankie Shannon
    Frankie Shannon Member Posts: 457
    #16
    Gee i must have missed some
    Gee i must have missed some thing while on vacation.I hole hardly agree with you that this is a support group not a competition.Thank you for your input.
    Hugs Frankie
  • rallendorfer
    rallendorfer Member Posts: 244
    #17
    Its true.
    I just didn't want to come to the board anymore after last week. I was going through the next chemo and sick and very depressed again. My daughter is totally ignoring my and I have little joy...then come on here to see swords drawn just kicked me in the teeth. When I needed the help I couldn't find it last week. Isn't there supposed to be love here?
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #18
    rallendorfer said:

    Its true.
    I just didn't want to come to the board anymore after last week. I was going through the next chemo and sick and very depressed again. My daughter is totally ignoring my and I have little joy...then come on here to see swords drawn just kicked me in the teeth. When I needed the help I couldn't find it last week. Isn't there supposed to be love here?

    I am so sorry that you
    I am so sorry that you didn't get the support you needed last week, but don't give up on us! There are lots of caring folks here. Sometimes, I think illness just wears us down and makes us cranky--not an excuse...but I am just saying. Anyway, I am glad you are here and I love your photo and your dogs are precious!
  • jphilpo
    jphilpo Member Posts: 177
    #19
    Thank You
    I couldn't have said it better. I came on this site when I was diagnosed almost 3 yrs. ago. It was very comforting to hear words of support and kindness, After a while, I noticed a change. It seems that whenever I or others made comments or offered opinions about post treatment care, specifically ant- estrogen drugs, femora and tamoxifen, I couldn't believe some of the rude replies. People always say, "we are all different and have different side effects" to drugs. If that is true, then let us all share our thoughts without judgmental comments.

    I have not posted very much lately as it made me feel that my feelings and thoughts were not well informed. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. If that is true, then I apologize.

    Jean
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #20
    jphilpo said:

    Thank You
    I couldn't have said it better. I came on this site when I was diagnosed almost 3 yrs. ago. It was very comforting to hear words of support and kindness, After a while, I noticed a change. It seems that whenever I or others made comments or offered opinions about post treatment care, specifically ant- estrogen drugs, femora and tamoxifen, I couldn't believe some of the rude replies. People always say, "we are all different and have different side effects" to drugs. If that is true, then let us all share our thoughts without judgmental comments.

    I have not posted very much lately as it made me feel that my feelings and thoughts were not well informed. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. If that is true, then I apologize.

    Jean

    Jean
    You were.not.being too sensitive. I think.that most of us noticed a change. It was usually the same.few.with the quick rude.answers where sometimes I didn't like to post even thouh I really wanted to know f something was not right. Sometimes I felt almost like there were cyber bullies on here. We don't need that. We are all here because we need the support and friendships and it feels so good when we can give back to ohers when they neeed support.
    Just remember we are all welcome here and we do not have to take the bullying from anyone.

    Carol
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #21
    rallendorfer said:

    Its true.
    I just didn't want to come to the board anymore after last week. I was going through the next chemo and sick and very depressed again. My daughter is totally ignoring my and I have little joy...then come on here to see swords drawn just kicked me in the teeth. When I needed the help I couldn't find it last week. Isn't there supposed to be love here?

    To Rallendorfer
    Hi,

    I am sorry you felt that the board was not supportive of your needs. I am hoping that you are feeling better after your last chemotherapy. Your stage II and there is every reason to believe you might never have to do this ever again. 70% of women never have a recurrence. Though for the rest of your life, the thought will occur every time, there is some unexplained back pain, headache and etc. Most of the time, it is just a back pain with explanation that isn't cancer.

    It is hard to for children to see us vulnerable. Some just don't want to know as it is hard to deal with it. My sons always seem to believe that dear olde mom will get over this too. I am in my 18th year and it is just in the last few years that they really listen to what I am saying about the cancer. In due time, I am certain your daughter will want to know more.

    There is love here. I have been on forums and discussion boards since 1997 when I first went on line. I do read 5 boards daily and I will tell you what happen here happens on them all from time to time. I do believe it has a lot to do with this disease. You will find that things will settle down and once again all will be well and supportive.

    Do hope you are feeling better.

    Best to you,

    Doris

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