Jul 08, 2012 - 1:00 am
On April 28, 2012 my beautiful mom lost her 2 year battle with Pancreatic Cancer. After taking a year off of school and moving home to help take care of her we were told that she had gone into remission. My mom pushed me to go back to school. That fall I learned that her cancer came back. Just a few months later I was getting a phone call that I needed to come home cause her time was limited. When it happened I think I went into shock. I was so sad...but at the same time I couldn't feel anything. I was so numb. My mom was my best friend, my closest confidant, my biggest supporter and my everything. I couldn't have asked to have a better relationship with her. I couldn't understand why I couldn't feel anything when she died. It's been 2 months and suddenly everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm in so much pain and I miss her so much. I'm so sad and angry that she's not here. it's not fair. I'm only 24 years old. I wanted her to see me graduate from college. I wanted her to help me pick out a wedding dress someday and be there to sit by my side at the head table at my wedding reception. I wanted her to be in the delivery room when I have my kids and hold them. I want to be able to call her and talk and just give her a hug. I would give anything in the world for one of her hugs. I've never felt such a helpless pain in my life. I love her and I didn't want to see her suffer anymore, but selfishly i wanted her here with me. I know she's in a better place and I know she's at peace, but i don't understand why this had to happen. i'm an only child and i feel lost without my mom.