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Feeling so sad

RaineySkies's picture
RaineySkies
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2011

Hi I signed up here when i first was diagnosed, but then havent had internet. I hate to ask for advice in my first post, but really feel so alone and unloved. I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer about 18 months ago. My husband has never been extremely loving and is an alcoholic. In fact right before I was diagnosed I was thinking about divorce. Well now that I am not working I cant afford to leave at all.He doesnt contribute a lot but enough to cover the bills, gotta have beer money. I try to just ignore how unloving he is, but the other day at my oncologists office where I have been going for 18 months, the receptionist said she had to update my info and then asked so who is James and I said my husband and she says oh didnt know you were married, he just has never came to any of your appointments, huh? Well I felt about 2 inches high and wish I would have asked her if she was just trying to be mean, but I just said nope and sat down. Well I cant stop thinking about it. He has never been to one appt, one chemo day, it took him 4 days to come see me the last time I was hospitalized, never asks about my treatments. I know that he obviously doesnt love me. I just wonder why he stays and maybe I should just tell him to leave, but he wont I have asked him to. I do all the house chores with the help of my kids, even when I am ill. What would you all do? I dont know what I want I guess I just needed to vent thanks for letting me whine.

Alv4969's picture
Alv4969
Posts: 14
Joined: Jun 2012

I can't even imagine how you are feeling....but I can listen. I was my mother's caretaker for two years while she fought her cancer. I went to every chemo, every radiation, and every doctors visit...I also did round the clock care while she was in home hospice (except for two cause I was sick and well I didn't want to risk the health of any of the other people receiving treatment). I don't know your husband or you but what I do know is it is hard to be the strong person...to watch people you love to go through such a hard thing. It takes a lot out of you... I can't say whether you husband is that uncaring or maybe he doesn't like the thought of being there. My suggestion would be to talk it through...maybe it won't solve your problem of feeling alone...but I can tell you...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are all hear to listen, bring hope, send love wherever it is needed. I can't imagine what you are going through but I do know what my mom went through I saw the best days and the worst...my mom and I made the promise that no matter how bad the treatments got we would always laugh and bring hope and happiness to others...I wish I could offer more advice than what I've said already but if you ever need someone to talk to...I am hear. Ready to listen. I wish you the best, Amanda

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

Vent away! That's one reason these boards exist. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and your husband isn't helping. Do you have another friend or relative who could come with you to appointments? I don't think the receptionist was being mean. She just didn't think about or understand how that question might hurt. Sometimes people just don't have a clue. My only advice is that you need to do what is best for you. Only you know what that is. In the meantime, come here often, vent as much as you need to do so, know that we are here. Fay

sue5749
Posts: 170
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi, I just read your post and it broke my heart just reading it. I am so very sorry for what you are going through! My husband passed away five months ago, I just got home from doing a little shopping and read your post. I am feeling really sad today too! I pulled in the garage and just started crying I miss him so bad. I was his caregiver for 15 months of all his treatments. I watched him lose a lot of weight, he could not eat anything by mouth and had a track. It was so heartbreaking to see the one that you have been married to for 30 years get sicker and sicker! Just know that you can come here and vent anytime!! Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking and praying for you!!! Sue

RaineySkies's picture
RaineySkies
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2011

Thank you for your thoughtful words and Sue I'm so sorry about your husband. My husband has never been " the strong one" I have always had to be and still have to be even when I am feeling so sick. I pay all the bills, do the grocery shopping, run the kids for their activities, clean the house with help from the kids. He goes to work, drinks beer and sleeps. He has never been helpful, but it got worse after I got diagnosed. And affection I don't know what that would feel like. I know I should divorce him, but financially I can't. I called legal aid but you have to live separately and he wont move out and I have no where to go. He is starting to get really critical and verbally abusive with me and the kids. Thank you for letting me vent. I don't have internet at home but will get on when I can.

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