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Feeling so sad
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Jun 27, 2012 - 3:01 am
Hi I signed up here when i first was diagnosed, but then havent had internet. I hate to ask for advice in my first post, but really feel so alone and unloved. I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer about 18 months ago. My husband has never been extremely loving and is an alcoholic. In fact right before I was diagnosed I was thinking about divorce. Well now that I am not working I cant afford to leave at all.He doesnt contribute a lot but enough to cover the bills, gotta have beer money. I try to just ignore how unloving he is, but the other day at my oncologists office where I have been going for 18 months, the receptionist said she had to update my info and then asked so who is James and I said my husband and she says oh didnt know you were married, he just has never came to any of your appointments, huh? Well I felt about 2 inches high and wish I would have asked her if she was just trying to be mean, but I just said nope and sat down. Well I cant stop thinking about it. He has never been to one appt, one chemo day, it took him 4 days to come see me the last time I was hospitalized, never asks about my treatments. I know that he obviously doesnt love me. I just wonder why he stays and maybe I should just tell him to leave, but he wont I have asked him to. I do all the house chores with the help of my kids, even when I am ill. What would you all do? I dont know what I want I guess I just needed to vent thanks for letting me whine. |
Joined: Jun 2012
I can't even imagine how you are feeling....but I can listen. I was my mother's caretaker for two years while she fought her cancer. I went to every chemo, every radiation, and every doctors visit...I also did round the clock care while she was in home hospice (except for two cause I was sick and well I didn't want to risk the health of any of the other people receiving treatment). I don't know your husband or you but what I do know is it is hard to be the strong person...to watch people you love to go through such a hard thing. It takes a lot out of you... I can't say whether you husband is that uncaring or maybe he doesn't like the thought of being there. My suggestion would be to talk it through...maybe it won't solve your problem of feeling alone...but I can tell you...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are all hear to listen, bring hope, send love wherever it is needed. I can't imagine what you are going through but I do know what my mom went through I saw the best days and the worst...my mom and I made the promise that no matter how bad the treatments got we would always laugh and bring hope and happiness to others...I wish I could offer more advice than what I've said already but if you ever need someone to talk to...I am hear. Ready to listen. I wish you the best, Amanda