3rd chemo on Friday...this is getting harder to do!
I want to have some energy to care damn it.
Comments
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There will...
I see you're awake at this hour too...lol.
There will be plenty of time for all this when your treatment is over and you energy returns.......People don't get it and never will unless the've walked in our shoes....if people insist on visiting, tell them ahead of time that you'd enjoy their company for a short visit and give them a time, say AFTER lunch.....no grocery then..they need to bringing YOU lunch...my friends always do that...even though my appetite stinks....then if you need to nap or rest you can say "I've enjoyed your visit but I really need to rest now"...I've done that more than once! As for your house, don't worry about it...my Mother always said " If they don't like the way it looks, hopefully they won't stay long!" Right now you HAVE to do what is absolutely best for you! If it hurts people's feelings, so be it! Please don't be afraid to say no...I've gotten really good at that with my recurrence....those who expect you to travel over an hour to see them, simply tell them you're not up to travel that distance...But you'll look forward to it once treatment is over and you're energy returns...which could take a while....if they get po'd, oh well!
I've learned to let go of so much..women aren't use to putting themselves first...we're the one's that put everyone and everything else first...this time you MUST put yourself first! My first go round with this horrible disease I put on the happy face...and tried to do so much...and paid the price..people visiting all the time, calling, etc...not this time! If I don't want to take a call I look at caller ID and let them leave a message...I tell my husband don't answer that! lol If someone wants to come over and I don't feel up to it, I say so...most people appreciate my honesty....
Hopefully the things I've written here will help you say " No"...and it can save you from stress and aggravation...put yourself first!
Big hugs, Nancy0 -
I remember
Boy, do I remember! You have to take care of you! Just tell people what you need - short visits, no long car trips and lots of rest. If they don't get it, tough! Real caring people understand. We all get what you're going through - bone tired, no sleep, nauseated... We're all a visit without the hassle. Also, you can't possibly keep up with the house cleaning - try to not let it get you down, other things are way more important!
Rest up and remember this is all about you right now and your needs.
Hugs!
Karen0 -
Not superwoman
Don't try to be superwoman, cleaning, shopping, cooking should not be a concern for you during this time. If friends and family want to visit tell them great come on over and see me for an hour. After the hour is up just tell them you need to rest. If anyone doesn't like the dog toys maybe they will offer to clean.
As far as not wanting to head back to treatment, I remember that well! Push through, you can do it! One foot in front of the other!We are here to help you along the way!
(((Hugs)))
Sandy0 -
I had my third chemo on the
I had my third chemo on the 30th, my next one is the 20th, I get them once every three weeks. Day four and five after infusion is when i'm most fatigued and nap off and on all day. My house shows my fatigue but I let it be.
How many more infusions do you have? You will get through it. Like the others said if they insist on coming over keep the visits short. I let my friends know which days are the most tiring for me and they let me rest. I say its ok to sit down to rest and fall asleep, I do that to
Sit down in the recliner for a min and wake up two hours later, I guess its the way of the body saying to take a break and I know I sleep hard becuase I have woke up with drool on my chin a few times lol 0 -
I was so glad to read this...
mind you not because you are tired, but I keep telling people not to come because I am too tired, but really I don't always have the energy to vacuum or cook. Sometimes I will tell them to call when they get here and I go out to their car. I thought I was the only one!
A couple of months ago a good friend called and wanted to stop, I finally told her I hadn't vacuumed in 2 days and was too tired to, so if she wanted to come, not to wear black (I have a pug and boxer), (otherwise the house is clean, kitchen is always good to cook, and dogs don't go in the bedrooms). Now, she just stops without calling like she used to, and she has no problem if she see's I need help with something, she just helps. A couple of others have started this too. At first I was embarrassed, but not any more. I am glad for their company and they knew before all of this my house was always clean!
I also will be sitting on my couch talking to people and the next thing I know it is the middle of the night and I am sound asleep with a blanket over me, or my son will come home and wake me to go to bed. The last I remember is visiting with people.
They also know that when I tell them I am going to sleep or nap, not to come. I don't hear the doorbell or knocking, and they do respect my wishes. It took a while for some to realize that this is not like being tired because I didn't get a full 8 hours, this is a bone tired. When I first got sick, some ladies from work could not figure out how I could feel ok to go to lunch on Tuesday with so/so and not with them on Friday. Tried to explain, when I can I do, when I can't I don't!0 -
I am so sorry.. You can'tsalls41 said:Not superwoman
Don't try to be superwoman, cleaning, shopping, cooking should not be a concern for you during this time. If friends and family want to visit tell them great come on over and see me for an hour. After the hour is up just tell them you need to rest. If anyone doesn't like the dog toys maybe they will offer to clean.
As far as not wanting to head back to treatment, I remember that well! Push through, you can do it! One foot in front of the other!We are here to help you along the way!
(((Hugs)))
Sandy
I am so sorry.. You can't do everything like you used to as you are finding out and let others know that too. They should understand. Maybe someone will call and ask you what you need and you can say that your house needs some freshening up and they will help clean it?
Hugs and lots of good luck to you!0 -
It DOES get harder to do
Oh how well I remember. I had 16 rounds of chemo. The last one was on 8/4/2010 - nearly 2 years ago. I had only a tiny bit of insight into what going through chemo meant as my husband had previously had colon cancer. The one thing I DID know was that the side effects seemed somewhat stronger and lasted longer as time went on. That seems exactly what you are going through right now. I remember pulling up in front of the doctor's office on chemo day one time and telling my husband,"I just don't think I can do this anymore." Of course, I did. I really had no other legitimate choice. You do it because you have to do it - assuming you want to live. My son was 19. My daughter was 17. My golden retriever was 4. My husband was 55+ and I wanted to see my 25th wedding anniversary (this November)amongst other things. Life now is INFINITELY better than it was in the summer of 2010. You will get to that place, too.
As to your friends and entertaining. . . . I think MAJW and others who have posted here have said it well. Right now it is all about you and your health. Who cares if your house is cluttered or dusty? If it bothers your "friends" then they do not have to come over. Shame on them for not being more understanding and compassionate. Do NOT feel guilty or pressured. You are in a fight for your very life.
Keep posting here. We have been in your shoes.
IRENE0 -
It DOES get harder to do
Oh how well I remember. I had 16 rounds of chemo. The last one was on 8/4/2010 - nearly 2 years ago. I had only a tiny bit of insight into what going through chemo meant as my husband had previously had colon cancer. The one thing I DID know was that the side effects seemed somewhat stronger and lasted longer as time went on. That seems exactly what you are going through right now. I remember pulling up in front of the doctor's office on chemo day one time and telling my husband,"I just don't think I can do this anymore." Of course, I did. I really had no other legitimate choice. You do it because you have to do it - assuming you want to live. My son was 19. My daughter was 17. My golden retriever was 4. My husband was 55+ and I wanted to see my 25th wedding anniversary (this November)amongst other things. Life now is INFINITELY better than it was in the summer of 2010. You will get to that place, too.
As to your friends and entertaining. . . . I think MAJW and others who have posted here have said it well. Right now it is all about you and your health. Who cares if your house is cluttered or dusty? If it bothers your "friends" then they do not have to come over. Shame on them for not being more understanding and compassionate. Do NOT feel guilty or pressured. You are in a fight for your very life.
Keep posting here. We have been in your shoes.
IRENE0 -
When I was going through the
When I was going through the chemo I wondered if I would ever feel good again. It all seemed so daunting at the time. After a year and a half, it is nice to feel more like me. Don't worry about the house, let some one else. If people visit, let them worry about food if need be. Your focus is to kick cancers butt!
Cindy0 -
All the ladies are spot-onmamolady said:When I was going through the
When I was going through the chemo I wondered if I would ever feel good again. It all seemed so daunting at the time. After a year and a half, it is nice to feel more like me. Don't worry about the house, let some one else. If people visit, let them worry about food if need be. Your focus is to kick cancers butt!
Cindy
You have one job to do right now--take care of YOU! I had the opposite problem--so many people wanted to do things for me and I had a hard time accepting help. For a while! Then I realized--these people feel so helpless for my situation--they need to do something that makes them feel like they're making a difference. So, I let them help and it was wonderful. I was getting what I needed and they got what they needed.
Nancy--loved your post. I did have a couple of people who I just couldn't deal with during my initial treatments (the negative downers). I had my hubby answer the phone, say "hello so and so" and look at me for a thumbs up or thumbs down. The last thing I needed was to talk to someone who made me feel worst than I already did.
Set the ground rules and don't feel guilty. Real friends understand.
Hugs, Renee0 -
You just concentrate on you!mamolady said:When I was going through the
When I was going through the chemo I wondered if I would ever feel good again. It all seemed so daunting at the time. After a year and a half, it is nice to feel more like me. Don't worry about the house, let some one else. If people visit, let them worry about food if need be. Your focus is to kick cancers butt!
Cindy
You just concentrate on you! Don't worry about your house or anything else. True friends don't notice that, all they want to do is see you and visit with you.
Good luck,
Kylez0 -
I made it through the 3rd one with a little help
This time my doctor appt was at 12:00 noon, so my husband, John and I came at around 9:30 am with Charlie our Therapy Dog and visited the infusion dept first. I got to try to comfort from the other side of the chair, and it seemed to help them bond with me in knowing that my appt with the chemo was in the afternoon. So many just loved petting Charlie on their laps, and talking about their own dogs at home and of course out came the phones and we were all swapping pictures. Who needs Ativan now?!! Not me.
Then we went upstairs to the hospitalized cancer patients and visited whoever was well enough and had many good visits there. I love it when they get Charlie on the bed and then start to cry tears of joy. Who can beat that?
Then Becky tromped herself down to submit to the truck rolling over her again, while John took Charlie home and then came back to watch me sleep. But #3 is done......HHHOOORAH.
Rebecca0 -
Halfway there!rallendorfer said:I made it through the 3rd one with a little help
This time my doctor appt was at 12:00 noon, so my husband, John and I came at around 9:30 am with Charlie our Therapy Dog and visited the infusion dept first. I got to try to comfort from the other side of the chair, and it seemed to help them bond with me in knowing that my appt with the chemo was in the afternoon. So many just loved petting Charlie on their laps, and talking about their own dogs at home and of course out came the phones and we were all swapping pictures. Who needs Ativan now?!! Not me.
Then we went upstairs to the hospitalized cancer patients and visited whoever was well enough and had many good visits there. I love it when they get Charlie on the bed and then start to cry tears of joy. Who can beat that?
Then Becky tromped herself down to submit to the truck rolling over her again, while John took Charlie home and then came back to watch me sleep. But #3 is done......HHHOOORAH.
Rebecca
Great job! You are halfway, yahooooo for you!0 -
Let them come over, but
give them something to do for YOU! Like run the vacuum, fix a meal, clean the toilets.
While I'm only headed to my 2nd round of chemo on Monday, I've already told my friends and family, that if they come to visit, be prepared to do something besides just visit me. We have four kids that have needs . . .right now I can't do it all. This was on the advice from my doctor's office - in chemo education.
I've so far had people ask to take the kids for playmates, come over to clean those toilets, wash laundry bring us a meal or two or three.
You have to take care of you first and if you let them know your true friends will understand.0 -
You could take your dog?rallendorfer said:I made it through the 3rd one with a little help
This time my doctor appt was at 12:00 noon, so my husband, John and I came at around 9:30 am with Charlie our Therapy Dog and visited the infusion dept first. I got to try to comfort from the other side of the chair, and it seemed to help them bond with me in knowing that my appt with the chemo was in the afternoon. So many just loved petting Charlie on their laps, and talking about their own dogs at home and of course out came the phones and we were all swapping pictures. Who needs Ativan now?!! Not me.
Then we went upstairs to the hospitalized cancer patients and visited whoever was well enough and had many good visits there. I love it when they get Charlie on the bed and then start to cry tears of joy. Who can beat that?
Then Becky tromped herself down to submit to the truck rolling over her again, while John took Charlie home and then came back to watch me sleep. But #3 is done......HHHOOORAH.
Rebecca
You could take your dog? How cool! I bet that did make you feel better.
I have a friend in the oncology part of the hospital and we can't even bring flowers into the room.
Hoorah for #3! Hoping it will go easier for you each time.
Hugs, Noel0 -
You could say
You know this treatment is really making me ugly for several days. If you would be a dear, why don't you come by while dear hubby takes me for treatment and catch up my dishes...wash... vacumming... whatever it is you need most. I really am not up to company now but I will probably appreciate a ride to radiation treatment in a couple of months. I will probably be in much better spirits then too.0 -
Whenever I read of a sistercamul said:I was so glad to read this...
mind you not because you are tired, but I keep telling people not to come because I am too tired, but really I don't always have the energy to vacuum or cook. Sometimes I will tell them to call when they get here and I go out to their car. I thought I was the only one!
A couple of months ago a good friend called and wanted to stop, I finally told her I hadn't vacuumed in 2 days and was too tired to, so if she wanted to come, not to wear black (I have a pug and boxer), (otherwise the house is clean, kitchen is always good to cook, and dogs don't go in the bedrooms). Now, she just stops without calling like she used to, and she has no problem if she see's I need help with something, she just helps. A couple of others have started this too. At first I was embarrassed, but not any more. I am glad for their company and they knew before all of this my house was always clean!
I also will be sitting on my couch talking to people and the next thing I know it is the middle of the night and I am sound asleep with a blanket over me, or my son will come home and wake me to go to bed. The last I remember is visiting with people.
They also know that when I tell them I am going to sleep or nap, not to come. I don't hear the doorbell or knocking, and they do respect my wishes. It took a while for some to realize that this is not like being tired because I didn't get a full 8 hours, this is a bone tired. When I first got sick, some ladies from work could not figure out how I could feel ok to go to lunch on Tuesday with so/so and not with them on Friday. Tried to explain, when I can I do, when I can't I don't!
Whenever I read of a sister having chemo, I am so amazed by their strength and perseverance. I never had chemo, just rads, but, know that it has to be so hard. I wish you the best and hope that you will soon be done and we can all celebrate that huge milestone with you.0
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