Yes, I am still here. I was diagnosed and went through chemo & rads in 2009. I left my husband in 2010. I lost my Dad, my Mom, his Dad, and his Mom went to a Nursing Home. I separated from my husband in 2010 after all this. Five weeks from my first clean PT/CT scan, my ex wanted to know when I was getting a job. (Laughable) I had a court date with him this week, and he brought an attorney, I did not because I have no money. He tells my daughter "Why doesn't your mother get a job, instead of asking me for more money?" I dragged myself to court, and was berated by the judge at full volume for wasting her time. (My husband can hire a lawyer, but not pay my minor daughters school expenses.) He later texted me and could not believe how weak, and frail I was physically. (Thanks a lot!)
I lost 10 more pounds in the last month, and now weigh 110 lbs at 5'9". It is a beautiful day, 89 degrees, and I thought I would go to the beach to pray, and clear my head. As I put some clothes on (long shorts and a T) I realized how pathetic I look! I cannot even go out. I used to love summer, and the beach. This is just too embarrassing. I had my last biopsy in April 2012, and again TYJ, it was negative. I am blessed. Yes, I have been strong all along, but treading water at this point in many aspects of my life. The only thing carrying me through this is my faith.
My children are at his house for the weekend, and I have yet to hear from my daughter who lives with me, or my son, who came home last weekend - I hear, from college.
I have decided to take care of number 1 - me! I cannot take more stress, and my children's choices are theirs to make at 17 and 21.
Thanks for listening. May God bless all my CSN friends with emotional & spiritual healing. It is a rough road, but we can get through this together.
Still Believing, Patty