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Trying to fill my time "waiting"

ryditlkustolit
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

I feel bad posting as we don't even know what exactly is going on yet and I know most here are actively going through stuff. Short version (longer version on the breast cancer boards) Parnter found a lump, went to the doc who said yeah not normal, diag. mammography tomorrow. Her mom is a 6 year survivor, double mas. and chemo (not sure about radiation). Just noticed it maybe 3 weeks ago now, but now you can feel it through her shirt without even pressing down (granted she is like a size A but just barely, very flat chested so don't know if this makes a hige difference). None of her family knows, I told my mom. I try not to complain in general in life but am tired of trying to find someone to vent to only to have them dive into what is wrong in their lives after saying "that sucks". I could scream at this point.

I am pissed because we should be planning our weekend camping trips in the mountains right now... not sitting here worried and not wanting anything to be wrong. We both worry quietly to ourselves not wanting to worry the other. I think she has more of the approach of "lets worry once we know" but I can't turn my brain off. I keep thinking of the house, the animals, and god forbid soemthing happening to her. I don't know how to shut my brain off. Ok, rant over...
(just wanted to add when it comes down to it I can take care of business... just having a small pre-pitty party since I don't want to vent to her and add more on her plate)

Dawn

catwink22's picture
catwink22
Posts: 239
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Dawn,
Sorry to hear about what you two are going through, but this IS the place to vent and be mad and have your pity parties. You need to get it out so you can process, file and move on. It's essential to have a safe place to say how you feel and even get some advice or encouragement from the ones who have been down this road. I hope you find the support here helps.

You don't have to feel bad about what stage you're at. We have all been in that stage and sometimes the not knowing is harder because you can't DO anything and of course think the worst.

Your partner is right, although easier said than done, I try not to worry about stuff until I have to, because it's so much energy wasted if it turns out to be nothing and if it is something all that worry isn't going to change it.

Take it a day at a time. That really is the best way to handle things in the stage you're at.

Wish you both the BEST of luck. I really hope it's nothing.
Cat

ryditlkustolit
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

Thank you Cat, I know the mind tends to jump ahead and not always to the best case scenario. I have been really good in the time between her going to the doctor and her appointment tomorrow. It has really just kicked into overdrive in the past day. I have a little comfort in knowing it is diagnostic and the radiologist is there to read it while she is there. So I am hoping we get somewhat of a solid answer tomorrow... though I don’t know how realistic that is either.

And yes, it is good knowing that I can come here to vent and to maybe get answers and info from some of you that have unfortunately been there and done that. That means more than you guys know.

Dawn

catwink22's picture
catwink22
Posts: 239
Joined: Sep 2009

I like your screen name Ha Ha!

ryditlkustolit
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

lol.. thank you ;) It is actually something I got from her... a philosophy that applies to her motorcycle (when she had it), the snowmobile, dirt bikes, my horse.... Her license plate used to even read "RYDHRD"

ryditlkustolit
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

double post

Mary1024
Posts: 17
Joined: Apr 2012

Hi Dawn,

I come here to vent too. Like you, I don't want to overload my partner, so I come here and just let loose. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, it's just good to get it out.

Oh how I hope you both will dodge this bullett!

My partner and I recently started counseling and it's helping a lot. Perhaps you might look into it - We were both not sharing with eachother because we didn't want the other to worry - for us that strategy was backfiring. Counseling is helping us communicate our fears and concerns without "overloading" eachother.

Good luck to you both.

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