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Three Month Mark

slg
Posts: 200
Joined: Jan 2010

I can not believe it's been three months since my husband passed away already! it was an emotional couple of days leading up to today but I managed to get through it. Visited his grave and brought him some flowers. It's surreal to go there knowing that someday I might be there too. I do probably go up there too much but he is only in the next town a few miles away.
I don't know how I will go on living my life alone and without him. I know that life goes on but how can it go on without the person that I have spent the last 40 years with since I was 17 years old!!!
Going back to work next week and go from there.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

We go on by just putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes in the early days, that is the best we can do, and it is still early days for you. It has been over two and a half years for me. I still miss him every day, but I am doing much better. We do learn to live with the loss. We don't like it. This isn't the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to grow old together. That was the plan. If going to the cemetary helps, then go. There is no too much or too little. It is what is right for you. Take care, Fay

sue5749
Posts: 170
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi, I so will know how you are feeling. It will be 3 months since I lost my beloved husband. It so seems likes 3 years! I have a appt tomorrow to pick out his head stone. I do not look forward to that. It seems like every thing I do anymore is not looking forward to anything. Here I lay on my laptop, listening to the news. I use to stay so busy with my husband doing everything I good possibly doing for him and everything has stopped. So now, what do I do? I don't want to clean my house, don't want to iron his cloths, I haven't gotten rid of his things yet. Know one really knows what to tell me what to do. Get a dog? Not yet. Have a cat. We were married for 25 years, together for 5 years. He was my best friend. I do not have another best friends. So now what? I am so weak. Maybe not so weak, I was there for him. Miss him something terrible! Nothing means the same for me anymore, does anybody have the same feelings? Sue

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

Those month dates can really get you down. My husband died 10/20/09. For quite awhile the 20 th of every month put me in a funk, sometimes a bad one. One month I ate nothing but vinegar potato chips and jelly bellies for 3 days. Not good. Now, I am able to acknowledge the day and move on. I still hurt, especially on certain holidays and, of course, on Oct. 20th. I am still grieving, but I have learned to live with that. One of my elderly, widowed friends said it best. The pain has "mellowed." now is the time to take care of yourself. Don't worry about what others say. Do what is best for you. Get rid of things or keep them. My husband and I were married for 42 years. The adjustment is hard. We did everything together pretty much. We had both recently retired and had many plans when he was diagnosed. He fought the cancer for 6 years and was amazing. Also amazing is that somehow, someway we find the strength to move forward. One day, one hour, one minute of the day. It is ok to take baby steps. Hang in there and take care, Fay

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

I remember first counting the days, then the weeks and then months and on March 25th it was 2 years since my beloved husband, Tom died. I can't believe how fast the time has gone and still remember the last day we spent together. Never thinking that at 10:00 that night he would breathe his last breath. I loved him with all my heart and miss him so much still. I do remember all the happy times, but find myself getting angry for losing him so soon. He was going to retire that June and we had so many plans which we never got to do.
We had known each other since we were in first grade and had been married for 46 years. Now I find myself getting jealous when I see couples together. No one knows what it is to lose the love of their life until it happens.
Guess we all just have to be strong, and remember the time we had with them.
This is a great web site where we all understand!!! "Carole"

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I will be coming up on two years in June. Sorrow is not quite as acute but still very much there. I can relate to what you are saying about plans after retirement. So many of my friends and their husbands are retiring, all have so many plans. I fear the day when I will not be working...what will I do. I too am so jealous of those who have their husbands and are doing so much together, enjoying grandchildren, traveling. Life is very unfair, but it is what it is. Thanks for the venting time.
Becky

Minaha
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2012

Slg, my heart goes out to you. I lost my father only 7 weeks ago and think I may only be beggining to grieve now. Today I lay in bed all day crying, nothing could console me. He wasn't my husband, like in your case - which is probably just as difficult, but he was my Dad for 38 years. I visit his grave several times a week and tend to it as best I can for now (In Ireland you have to leave a grave for up to a year to settle etc). However, I get great peace when I visit, I stand there chatting to him even though I know he's looking down on me, and not up from soil.

Every waking day of my life now I speak to Dad and look up to him. I'm not overly religious, I was brought up Catholic but I like to believe he's watching over me. I hope your husband is also - I'm sure he is.
Massive Hugs and support honey xxxx

slg
Posts: 200
Joined: Jan 2010

Thanks, Minaha. Days are not getting better anytime soon. Our 40th is approaching this weekend. I am honoring him by participating in a Relay for Life with our friends and daughters.
I do feel like he left too soon and we didn't get to do all the things that we were looking forward to. Now I have to walk our daughter down the isle in his place.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

It is always too soon. I'm walking in Relay for Life also this weekend. It is always emotional. Last year I spoke at the opening ceremonies. I didn't realize how much that would hit me. Hang in there. Fay

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Days, weeks, months, years... Our grief keeps us all counting... marching in time to love lost. This month will be one year for me in losing first my mom.... then one week later my husband. I have dreaded the coming of this month with my anniversary, May 1, Mother's Day and the death days, May 19 & 27. A whole month to cry all over again? AND... I LOVE the month of May... what's a person suppose to feel with that?

This year has been hard... my grief overwhelming me at times. What keeps me going? My husband's courage in his short year of sickness and death. I feel I owe him that one... to try with everything I have to keep moving forward, day by day, week to week until I can learn who I am without him. Easy? Heck no... Today I am selling his Harley, giving up clothes, putting my house in order and selling. I find that I need to start fresh in order to to find me again... it will work for me but not for everyone.

Whatever you do feel just know you are not alone, you are not the first and you will not be the last.

Deb
redesign08.blogspot.com

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