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How Quickly Things Change

sangora
Posts: 218
Joined: Mar 2011

This disease changes so quickly that its hard to keep up. This past Monday I threw up some dried blood and since I had an oncologist appt the next day, Tuesday, just waited. I talked to her about the epsiode and she didn't say much about it. I had my treatment that afternoon and all went well. Wed, afternoon, I threw up more blood this time there was red tinges in it so I called the clinic. They got back to me and said that when I came in to get my Nueslasta shot thursday, the next day, the doctor wanted to see me. While I was talking to her on thursday, I threw up a large clump of both dried blood and fresh. She sent it off to the lab and made an appointment for an endoscopy for Friday morning.

The tumor is now so large that they could not get the scope past it, put was able to see that the tumor has become brittle and was in fact bleeding. There is a portion of it that is bulging like an anurysim. The doctor who did the procedure said that the tumor could rupture at anytime and that I would bleed out. What a shock to my senses. This is not how I thought things would end. Thank heavens I had planned ahead and had already met with Hospice. When the clinic called them to say I was in immediate danger, they were at my house by the time I got home and moving into action. According to the doctors, I could set off the chain of events turning over in bed, coughing or simply bending over. I have bleed some over night and was in much pain when I first got home. Hospice did their thing and I am now pain free though a little muddled in the head. You all have made me feel so much a part of your family, that I wanted you to know the graveness of my situation all of a sudden. When something happens, a friend is prepared to come on the site and let you know. I don't want to be one of those that just stops posting and you all not know what happened.
Sam Stage IV and loosing the fight.

stephikindred's picture
stephikindred
Posts: 153
Joined: Mar 2012

Oh Sam I am so deeply saddened to hear this news. I wish I could be with you to hold your hand and comfort you. You have been such a brave warrior and have given so much to us and we are so grateful for all you have given. I will be thinking of you and praying for you!
Love Steph

Daisylin's picture
Daisylin
Posts: 380
Joined: May 2011

I am so very sorry to hear of this recent turn. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that hospice will enable you to remain comfortable and pain free. We never know when our journey in life will end, and hopefully you will have many good days to come. I hope you are surrounded by loved ones as you face the shock and sorrow of what you are now dealing with.

I wish to thank you for all of your encouragement and advice while Lee and I were battling the beast. You are a true inspiration to us all, how you've courageously dealt with all the blows and celebrated all the victories of our EC family.

be well, my friend
Chantal
wife of Lee, deceased Nov 8, 2012

bingbing2009
Posts: 179
Joined: Feb 2011

Sam, I am so sorry to read this news. You are such a warrior and a huge inspiration for all of us. You are certainly fighting the good fight with dignity and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending lots of hugs and all the strength possible.

Melinda

Heeran's picture
Heeran
Posts: 173
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi Sam,
I've been following your posts since I came onto this board 6 months ago. There is no one in my thoughts stronger than you. You have been a great inspiration to this group and me. Sometimes I hate coming to this board because it's hard to read some of the posts and now my heart is breaking reading through your updates. Yes your painful journey is hard to read, but I appreciate you continuing to post updates.
Take care.

Donna70's picture
Donna70
Posts: 920
Joined: Aug 2009

Dear Sam,
Just so sad to hear all of this happening to you. I was so hoping that you would have so much more time and not under these circumstances which sound very nerve wracking. I am glad Hospice is there. How many of us wish we could be there for you too. My thoughts and prayers are with you, many, many hugs. You have been so brave and always encouraged everyone here, to say that EC sucks is not enough. Hoping that you will have pain free days, take care,
Donna70

fredswilma's picture
fredswilma
Posts: 196
Joined: Mar 2011

Your strength and courage have helped me so much over the last 20months, I am truly saddened to hear of this change and pray that you have peace and comfort during this time, Thank you for letting us be a part of your life and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ann

JimboC's picture
JimboC
Posts: 270
Joined: Mar 2011

This disease sucks. Thank you for keeping us informed. Thank you for everything. When I was first diagnosed as a IVb, you were an inspiration to keep up the fight and I thank you for that. I am proud to have been a brother in arms for the IVb fight. I wish and pray for all the comfort and strength you need as you enter this change in the fight. When people tell me "You look so good, you're going to beat it", I always tell them that not to be mean but this thing can change on a dime and you never know or can take it for granted. It's hard for people to understand. I am so happy the hospice has taken care of you and you are pain free. Please continue to post as you feel like it. I'll continue praying for you my friend.

All my best,

Jimbo

JReed's picture
JReed
Posts: 463
Joined: Nov 2011

Dear Sam:

We are very sad to read this news. Thank you for having a friend post to us when you are no longer able to. I truly hope that your experience with hospice is a good one and you will be provided all the comforts needed.

You have been a warrior leader for us here on this site. Your experience, advice, encouragement, and support have been so helpful to us. You must know that you have helped so many and because your posts will always be here - you will continue to help others who will surely come here in the future. Those that have passed on have surely helped us and I pray that gives comfort to them and their families. Like I always say, our own battle with the beast may not end as we want it to - but others will absolutely gain something in their journey due to all of us before them.

Thank you Sam and you will be in our prayers and we are sending you huge hugs and kisses from Michigan. You will have a special place in our hearts forever Sam.

Hugs and FEC,
Judy

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1122
Joined: Apr 2010

Sam,

I am so sad to read your post today. You have clearly been a leader and example for how to live with cancer with courage and grace. I am glad that hospice is there helping you. You are in my prayers daily. I will be praying for your comfort and peace.

With great sadness,

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
Two year survivor

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

TerryV's picture
TerryV
Posts: 916
Joined: Jul 2011

Sam,

This damned EC is SO unfair! As Judy Reed says - FEC! You have had such a good go of things and faced this so well. It's just not right that it turn on you so quickly. I'm glad that hospice is on top of things for you. I hope you are able to have many more sunshine filled (painfree) days.

Donna is right when she says that many of us would like to be there to hold your hand. Know that while we are not with you physically, we are with you in spirit.

I value my interactions with you. I feel blessed to have been a part of your life.

Many, many {hugs} to you! Know that we are here for you when you need a boost.

Terry

captdave's picture
captdave
Posts: 168
Joined: Feb 2012

Sam, I'm very sad and pissed to hear about the change in your condition. It's always hard to hear that this F@#^ing disease is winning the battle with any of us. All that we can do is continue to live to fight another day and keep fighting. I'm very glad that hospice is there for you and able to give you comfort and make you pain free. I don't know what else to say. were all in this war together and I hate it when the disease wins even one battle against us. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Dave

sandy1943's picture
sandy1943
Posts: 883
Joined: Jun 2010

Sam, So glad hospice has come so quickly. Thanks for all the encouragement you have always been as you've fought the beast. We always hope for our stage 1V's to have a miraculous cure, as we always pray for science to make a breakthru and we won't have to say anymore goodbyes.

so glad you have someone that will be posting for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you,
sandra

Ginny_B's picture
Ginny_B
Posts: 537
Joined: Sep 2011

And so the tears keep flowing here. God bless you Sam.

megmacmd
Posts: 94
Joined: Jun 2011

DEarest Sam Im so saddened by this turn of event you have been an inspiration to me.Glad hospice was there for you. I often wonder how this will end for me 14 months into this stage 4 diagnosis and original 12 rounds of folfox. I must make the tough choice to restart chemo or not. Since this is not curable Im inclined to just live as long as I can feeling good without chemo, I felt sick on chemo and figure it probably wont change the ultimate outcome.Thank you for you honesty and all your posts they have helped me imensley negotiate this disease.I wish you a painfree time as long as you have and hope you have some compasionate caretakers.Praying for you Meg Mac stage IV

mardigras's picture
mardigras
Posts: 197
Joined: Sep 2011

Dear Sam,
You are so very brave and such a wonderful member of our EC family.
I know in my heart that everyone here is rooting for you and praying
really hard for you.
You have helped us all to be a little braver and to fight this horrifying
disease. Thank you so much for that.
You will always be an inspiration and a joy to us all.
God Bless you Sam, may you knowonly peace and love.
Hugs and prayers,
Marci x

birdiequeen's picture
birdiequeen
Posts: 329
Joined: Mar 2011

It was so sad to read your post. As Paul said "you have been a leader and example for how to live with cancer with courage and grace." Even with this latest change of events you think of your online family and arrange a friend to keep us informed. What a thoughtfull gesture. I pray hospice will treat you with dignity and keep you pain free.

with much admiration,
Lee Ann

GerryS's picture
GerryS
Posts: 240
Joined: Aug 2010

I have nothing to add except my personal prayers.

Gerry

annalan
Posts: 149
Joined: Jul 2011

I hate this cancer with a passion and am truly sorry to read of your latest trauma.. You're In my thoughts and prayers.

Ann wife of Alan
Dx Sept 2009
T3N2M0
Lost his battle Jan 31st 2012

BMGky
Posts: 666
Joined: May 2010

So sorry to hear this. What a wonderful fight you continue to wage. This sudden turn is quite a shock. You are an inspiration to all of us who deal with this terrible disease. We are all praying for your comfort. BMGky

preacherchad's picture
preacherchad
Posts: 62
Joined: Dec 2010

Sam,

Your news breaks my heart. Please know that we are praying for you. May God grant you peace, comfort and understanding this time.

chad

mrsbotch
Posts: 377
Joined: Oct 2010

You are a very brave man to come on and keep us posted on your latest battle with the beast. This cancer truly sucks.
Nothing we can do but hold you in our hearts. Hospice will be of great comfort to you. Rest dear one.

Barb

AngieD's picture
AngieD
Posts: 504
Joined: Sep 2011

What a shock to you and to us!! The twists this disease takes is just EVIL! I know you were not expecting this particular scenario. I'm just so angry and sad! You have been one of my heroes since I joined, and you continue to operate in "hero" fashion being concerned and making arrangements for us. Thank you again for all the inspiration and information you have provided to me. I'm very glad that Hospice is in place and controlling the pain, and I hope you have many good, pain-free days ahead. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers daily!
Angie

Rebecca sans David
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2012

My much, much loved husband David was diagnosed on March 13th of this year after he started hiccuping/spitting up blood. He died on April 10th after nine hours in the ICU, bleeding out from his squamous cell esophageal tumor. He didn't even make it one month, apparently because the tumor was already so large and brittle. It was primed to fracture and bleed and that's what happened. So soon. He only had 3 radiation treatments and one chemo.

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, Sam. I can only say, "Thank God for hospice." David never got to the point of needing hospice and I suppose that is a blessing in some ways, since so many EC patients suffer so much. Not a blessing for me, however, because I lost the precious time with him I was hoping for so dearly.

My hope is that you have every loved one around you right now, embracing you.

Hugs,
Rebecca

Rebecca sans David
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2012

My much, much loved husband David was diagnosed on March 13th of this year after he started hiccuping/spitting up blood. He died on April 10th after nine hours in the ICU, bleeding out from his squamous cell esophageal tumor. He didn't even make it one month, apparently because the tumor was already so large and brittle. It was primed to fracture and bleed and that's what happened. So soon. He only had 3 radiation treatments and one chemo.

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, Sam. I can only say, "Thank God for hospice." David never got to the point of needing hospice and I suppose that is a blessing in some ways, since so many EC patients suffer so much. Not a blessing for me, however, because I lost the precious time with him I was hoping for so dearly.

My hope is that you have every loved one around you right now, embracing you.

Hugs,
Rebecca

jgwright's picture
jgwright
Posts: 252
Joined: Oct 2011

Sorry to hear about your downturn. We all appreciate the time you've spent with us, and the great example you've set for us as we make our way through this wartorn environment we call esophageal cancer.

Thanks for everything.

Jerry
T4n1m1 Stage IV now. Feh!!! and FEC.

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