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lostmyheart's picture
lostmyheart
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

I lost my husband & best friend almost a month ago. We did everything together and were happiest when it was just the two of us. It was a soul-mate, true to the heart love that I am so blessed to have been able to experience.

That sweet man went through so much pain and suffering for 18 months that I found myself praying at times that God would just take him so that his pain would end . Now that "it" has happened and he isn't here anymore, I am just lost. I feel guilty for asking God to take him, I regret we didn't have more time together, and I just miss him so much that it physically hurts.

I quit my job to be his full time care-giver throughout the ordeal & he never spent one night in the hospital alone. We were together 24-7 and now that he is gone, I feel like the person I was died in a way, also. I hope that makes sense...what I mean is that I think, in order to survive in this new world without him, I can't be that same person I was before.

I almost feel like I need to move away, change my life totally, etc. Is this normal??? Things I loved before, I could care less about now. I'm even thinking of some kind of career change. I hope I am not losing my mind, because when I mention moving or any of this to my family they look at me like I am crazy. :/

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

You are as normal as the rest of us. I lost my husband of 42 years in October of 2009 following a 6 year battle with colon cancer, so I guess you could say I'm an old hand at this. Yes, we do have to adjust to life alone and it takes time. Many of us feel like our whole lives have changed. Those who haven't lost that most important person in their lives often don't have a clue what we are going through. I thought I understood how my mother felt when my dad died. I didn't. they think they understand because they are family, but they don't. I would suggest that you don't make any big changes for awhile. Grief can really cloud our judgement. Take time to grieve in your own way. Then go ahead and do what you have to do. Only you can decide what is best for you. Many here have lost husbands, wives, and/or lifetime partners. Know that you are not alone with your feelings. It may seem like a month is a long time, but it really isn't. I have found that time has helped me, time and good family and friend support. I haven't stopped missing him every day, but I have learned to live with the hurt. Now, most of my memories make me smile instead of cry. Guilt, too, is something almost all of us feel to a degree. Toward the end, I too, prayed for a quick, peaceful end. He was ready. I thought I was as well, but I don't think we are ever really ready. Take care of yourself now. Fay

lostmyheart's picture
lostmyheart
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2012

Thanks Fay. Im very sorry that you lost your husband too. It really does help to hear from people who have been through this.

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