Apr 13, 2012 - 4:01 pm
My wife is 37 non-smoker and Dx with stage 4 NSC Lung CA in November 2011. We have a beautiful 7 year old daughter and she does not know what that means to have cancer or how sick her mommy really is. It breaks my heart everyday to look at her and know that. It is safe to say our lives have completely changed and we have been in battle with this awful disease since. I have also learned that my wife is a warrior and I am so proud of her. I only wish I could tell the world how amazing she is.
I can tell you all that I spent several years in Med Onc at Columbia University as a floor administrator and my day consisted of helping the center run smooth. I was a close part of the infusion center and I cherished my interactions with all the patients. I was schooled on the cancer treatments and I learned a lot about oncology. Cancer has been a huge part of my life both personally and professionally but I never imagined I would be facing this.
My wife is on Tarceva and her cancer is stable at the moment, no new growth and no clinical symptoms. She has been through hell but over the past few weeks she is doing OK (as far a quality of life). On the other hand I am a mess (internally). I have shut-down slightly and hurts knowing what my wife is going through. I am appearing to stay strong for our daughter and my wife but I can't tell anyone anymore what normal is... I currently work in clinical research and I have an incredible view of the world’s medicines and the human body but I wish at times I knew nothing as it may be easier to deal. I often wonder why us, why my daughter, it’s not fair. Some days I hurt so bad just knowing what my wife will eventually face and the pain my daughter and I will be left with. People say stay positive, believe in miracles and don't give up. They mean it, I know that as I was always the one saying stuff like this to people. Let me say this though, I do believe and we have not given-up, we know we have a long battle ahead of us and we have so much to fight for, to be honest it’s just hard sometimes and I think it is OK to know that . That is why my wife is amazing she has not once waivered. She wakes up every day battling morning till night. She is my hero, she is so damn amazing. I love her for that and I know why she is fighting so damn hard. Love people love. There is nothing more precious or important then love. Love for me; love for our daughter, her sister, her brother, my mom, my dad and the list goes on.
Now you know what I know its all about Love. Rich, poor, gay or straight black or white we are all built to fight for love that is what makes us so damn human. Keep fighting honey I will catch up and pick you up when you fall and push you when you’re stuck. Just know I LOVE you.