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My Wife is Amazing

dgmcsg1
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2012

My wife is 37 non-smoker and Dx with stage 4 NSC Lung CA in November 2011. We have a beautiful 7 year old daughter and she does not know what that means to have cancer or how sick her mommy really is. It breaks my heart everyday to look at her and know that. It is safe to say our lives have completely changed and we have been in battle with this awful disease since. I have also learned that my wife is a warrior and I am so proud of her. I only wish I could tell the world how amazing she is.

I can tell you all that I spent several years in Med Onc at Columbia University as a floor administrator and my day consisted of helping the center run smooth. I was a close part of the infusion center and I cherished my interactions with all the patients. I was schooled on the cancer treatments and I learned a lot about oncology. Cancer has been a huge part of my life both personally and professionally but I never imagined I would be facing this.

My wife is on Tarceva and her cancer is stable at the moment, no new growth and no clinical symptoms. She has been through hell but over the past few weeks she is doing OK (as far a quality of life). On the other hand I am a mess (internally). I have shut-down slightly and hurts knowing what my wife is going through. I am appearing to stay strong for our daughter and my wife but I can't tell anyone anymore what normal is... I currently work in clinical research and I have an incredible view of the world’s medicines and the human body but I wish at times I knew nothing as it may be easier to deal. I often wonder why us, why my daughter, it’s not fair. Some days I hurt so bad just knowing what my wife will eventually face and the pain my daughter and I will be left with. People say stay positive, believe in miracles and don't give up. They mean it, I know that as I was always the one saying stuff like this to people. Let me say this though, I do believe and we have not given-up, we know we have a long battle ahead of us and we have so much to fight for, to be honest it’s just hard sometimes and I think it is OK to know that . That is why my wife is amazing she has not once waivered. She wakes up every day battling morning till night. She is my hero, she is so damn amazing. I love her for that and I know why she is fighting so damn hard. Love people love. There is nothing more precious or important then love. Love for me; love for our daughter, her sister, her brother, my mom, my dad and the list goes on.

Now you know what I know its all about Love. Rich, poor, gay or straight black or white we are all built to fight for love that is what makes us so damn human. Keep fighting honey I will catch up and pick you up when you fall and push you when you’re stuck. Just know I LOVE you.

loving_son
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2012

Very nice, great message. Stay strong, your family needs you. I take it one day at a time and I do believe in miracles. I wish you and your family all the best.

ColoradoDani's picture
ColoradoDani
Posts: 65
Joined: Sep 2011

My husband is a 47 year old non-smoker who was diagnosed with stage 3B that has now recurred. We have two boys who are 13 and 7. I can relate to a lot of what you said. We have lots of good days, but sometimes it's so hard not to go down the "why us?" road. I don't have your clinical science background, but I'm an English professor with a background in health sciences editing, and like you, I sometimes wish I didn't have the access nor background to understand the research. My husband has not taken anything since the cancer recurred but will likely start Tarceva soon, too. He has been for the most part, amazingly positive these past few months, and I think we're both guided by a strong belief that life is beautiful and worth living for so many reasons.

Not sure what my point is, but when I read your post, I could relate, and I wanted to let you know you're not alone. Wonderful words for your wife. I hope I can have such strength when I need it for my husband. A friend and colleague of mine posted a writing challenge a few months ago. Her challenge was to write a poem that includes the line "grief is love at its most helpless." I found that line so profound.

dgmcsg1
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2012

Thanks for sharing. This is tough stuff and I wish no body had to go through this.

ellenm4's picture
ellenm4
Posts: 124
Joined: Dec 2011

You just did tell the world thay she is a great warrior and just how proud you are of her! I have battled 2 types pf cancer and I will never be a victim, but a WARRIOR! As I read your post I cried! I cried for you and your child. Your 7 year old daughter may not know much about cancer, bit she knows more than you thinl. I have a 3 year old grandsonn (whom I call my Angle from God). Everytime he comes over, he wants to help me with everything. Is is always asking me," Nana are you ok today? Did the Dr. say you will be here for me more?" Breaks my heart!!

Your post truely lets us all know that this horrible thing called cancer affects the entire family. It is easy for one to say stay strong, stay positive and don't give up! But they have not been where you are! Your wife knows what she wants...that is to live. To continue to love you and her child! She will fight with everything she has within her body to do that! She has a great support team with you! I am glad things are a little better on the cancer part for her.

She may be your hero....but you are her's as well! I will keep her in my prayers, along with you and your daughter.....but I feel you need a very big hug, so if you don't mind sir, [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] You are a great warrior as well! Stand by her and just love her! May God Bless all of you!!!

Ellen

ellenm4's picture
ellenm4
Posts: 124
Joined: Dec 2011

You just did tell the world thay she is a great warrior and just how proud you are of her! I have battled 2 types pf cancer and I will never be a victim, but a WARRIOR! As I read your post I cried! I cried for you and your child. Your 7 year old daughter may not know much about cancer, bit she knows more than you thinl. I have a 3 year old grandsonn (whom I call my Angle from God). Everytime he comes over, he wants to help me with everything. Is is always asking me," Nana are you ok today? Did the Dr. say you will be here for me more?" Breaks my heart!!

Your post truely lets us all know that this horrible thing called cancer affects the entire family. It is easy for one to say stay strong, stay positive and don't give up! But they have not been where you are! Your wife knows what she wants...that is to live. To continue to love you and her child! She will fight with everything she has within her body to do that! She has a great support team with you! I am glad things are a little better on the cancer part for her.

She may be your hero....but you are her's as well! I will keep her in my prayers, along with you and your daughter.....but I feel you need a very big hug, so if you don't mind sir, [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] You are a great warrior as well! Stand by her and just love her! May God Bless all of you!!!

Ellen

arlekim's picture
arlekim
Posts: 47
Joined: Mar 2012

Stay positive! I was a big supporter for my dad n now I'm the one being supported. Never thought I woukd be facing this " cancer" but I knew in the back of my head I woukd end up getting it! My dad used to tell me, in spanish, "I know u r my #1 advocate n u r always by my side on a daily basis. I need a break from u, just a lil break my child, pls." I know now that all he was trying to tell me was to take time for me, cause i find myself telling my mother n daughters the same thing now. I tell my mom or my bratz "mami, can u get some fruits or ice cream" I know that when she goes out, she catches up on herself. It's a hard road that we r walking on but take it from me (been on both sides) you r her #1 supporter, if u collapse she will pick u up, but if u take time for yourself you will feel better. And, speak to her about your feelings, it's a great way of dealing w/ this battle. Also, my youngest Kim was 7 n Arlettys was 9 when my dad passed and they to were confused about cancer. My ex n I sat them down a few month after my dad was dx w/ colon cancer and we explained (according to the age they were at time of dx) thru out the 3 1/2 yrs he was w/ us how he was doing n what was being done. It was hard for them but we kept em informed. I hope this all will help a bit. Also, I c my docs at Columbia University.

Estaran en mis resos

Marcia

dgmcsg1
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2012

It is very nice to read each and everyone’s post. Thank you for the support. This has been the hardest thing to conceptualize and accept. My wife and I have known each other since 7th grade (didn't date till well after high school). I can not imagine anything bad happening to her and I am powerless to take away what she is fighting. We both worked so hard to obtain some degree of financial success and establish a good home for our daughter. We have had our share of ups and downs (mostly caused by my stubborn spirit and unfiltered mouth) but love was always around. Since the day I knew what was going on with her, I have cried more in that time then my whole adult life.

She and I have both been through a lot due to cancer and we lost some of the most important people our lives because of the disease, my Grandfather (Lung), my Grandmother (ovarian) Aunt (Cervical). My wife lost her father to lung cancer in 1991 and her mother last July to ovarian. She was as-close-as a daughter can get with her mom and she was devastated to say the least. Less then a year later she was diagnosed.

Our daughter is such a good child and we share so much love with her. As a father, my instincts are to protect my family and I can’t help but feel on some level I am failing them. I know I am not the cause but it is a primitive emotion that has no room for logic. I pray everyday that god heals my wife and our family remains whole. God bless you all and keep fighting if you need anything from me just ask I am well educated in clinical research and can be a resource to you or your family if you have any questions or concerns regarding a new drug or trial designs. Thank you again, I sometimes need to remind myself I am not alone in this fight.

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