Apr 12, 2012 - 9:23 am
My husband is about to start his third battle in 3 years with throat cancer. He had surgery in March to remove the tumor and they got positive margins, so he will start chemo and radiation in the next couple of weeks. This is the second time for radiation for him, plus he is having weekly cisplatin so they are expecting a rough six weeks. He is already on the feeding tube and has no weight to lose. Plus, at this point, the odds are not in his favor.
So I come here to vent and admit that I am feeling afraid and weak. I have been so strong through all of this but I am afraid the last years are catching up with me. When I think what the next weeks and likely months may bring it is so overwhelming I want to crawl in a closet and hide from the world.
My once strong, positive, funny, exhuberant husband is shrinking away from me day by day. It is breaking my heart and my will. Oh I see glimpses from time to time that make me smile and I am trying to be thankful for those glimpses, as I know some day I will appreciate them.
I am already taking a low dose anti depressant and maybe I need to increase the dosage. But then, I don't want to be a zombie either. Ugh.
I'm not sure of the point of this post except that i am venting to people I know understand.