Hello darkness my old friend

MsGebby
MsGebby Member Posts: 659
I am holding my breath .... not really able to speak ... as soon as I have more info I will post ... in the meantime ... Here is a song that we all can relate to

THE SOUND OF SILENCE
by Simon & Garfunkel
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again (The disease itself)
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping (cancer cells)
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains ( of course it does…)
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone (because no one really knows the walk…)
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp (life feels cold & damp w/ a disease)
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light ( Xrays , MRI’s, PET/CT scans and on and on and one )
That split the night (restless – no sleep)
And touched the sound of silence (That screaming inside you that doesn’t come out aloud)
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more (The world just keeps on moving along…)
People talking without speaking (so many people just don’t know WHAT to say)
People hearing without listening (people hear you but don’t really understand…)
People writing songs that voices never share (The endless thoughts that go through our minds)
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence (NO ONE likes to discuss it… so if you’re silent –it is taken as “you’re ok…”
"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows (speaks for itself)
Hear my words that I might teach you (Those w/ a disease have excessive knowledge of the unthinkable)
Take my arms that I might reach you" (Reaching out to be understood)
But my words, like silent raindrops fell ( Not many , “if any” …really understand)
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed ( I am sure that are many who pray for you)
To the neon god they made (xray machines)
And the sign flashed out its warning ( the monster radiation machine)
In the words that it was forming ( disease…)
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
In other words…it is what it is… it’s there in writing from a higher power. And we just have to deal… ( mostly in – silence)
And whispered in the sounds of silence
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Comments

  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    ... sending you -- Gentle hugs my friend!
    .... Vicki Sam
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    love the song
    but not what it may mean to you. {{hugs}} Char
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    I refuse to dwell in
    I refuse to dwell in darkness! I live every day in light and to the best I can.

    Winyan - The Power Within

    Susan
  • Pam5
    Pam5 Member Posts: 232
    Rague said:

    I refuse to dwell in
    I refuse to dwell in darkness! I live every day in light and to the best I can.

    Winyan - The Power Within

    Susan

    Love the song too!
    Breathe dear sister! Breathe through it! Breathe it out and let it go, no matter what. Do the next right thing and let God and the Universe take care of the rest. We are all here for you.

    Hugs,

    Pam
  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    I relate
    to everything in that song and the way you describe it. It's like we are in a bubble and no one can get in. Do people really want to hear how you feel? I always say I'm fine or I'm okay. They really don't want us to drone on about how we are feeling. I wish you well and hope everything is okay. We are always here if you need to talk. Sending you hugs.

    Terry
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    mom62 said:

    I relate
    to everything in that song and the way you describe it. It's like we are in a bubble and no one can get in. Do people really want to hear how you feel? I always say I'm fine or I'm okay. They really don't want us to drone on about how we are feeling. I wish you well and hope everything is okay. We are always here if you need to talk. Sending you hugs.

    Terry

    and Like a Bridge over Troubled Water . . .
    we will be there for you. I hope whatever is going on turns out ok. In the meantime, I'll send some hugs and prayers.

    Suzanne
  • Texasgirl10
    Texasgirl10 Member Posts: 668

    and Like a Bridge over Troubled Water . . .
    we will be there for you. I hope whatever is going on turns out ok. In the meantime, I'll send some hugs and prayers.

    Suzanne

    We are here
    We are here with you, please remember that you are not alone. I'm sending you a big hug.

    Hugs and God Bless,

    Dawne
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member

    We are here
    We are here with you, please remember that you are not alone. I'm sending you a big hug.

    Hugs and God Bless,

    Dawne

    What a meaningful song
    What a meaningful song.Always liked it but never thought of it the way you have.I have moments even though I was dx DCIS non invasive. Stage 0. I can't get over just having the dx of such a horrible disease even if it isn't invasive.It can come back.

    I sit here now thinking of what you might be going through and wishing nothing but the best.We're all here for you and will be with you through it all.Honestly when I hear my Pink Sisters or Brothers are having a hard time it depresses me.Always brings tears to my eyes.So much harder for me to cope with so many things now.

    Take care of yourself and check back with us soon.

    Thoughts and Prayers

    Lynn Smith
  • weazer
    weazer Member Posts: 440

    What a meaningful song
    What a meaningful song.Always liked it but never thought of it the way you have.I have moments even though I was dx DCIS non invasive. Stage 0. I can't get over just having the dx of such a horrible disease even if it isn't invasive.It can come back.

    I sit here now thinking of what you might be going through and wishing nothing but the best.We're all here for you and will be with you through it all.Honestly when I hear my Pink Sisters or Brothers are having a hard time it depresses me.Always brings tears to my eyes.So much harder for me to cope with so many things now.

    Take care of yourself and check back with us soon.

    Thoughts and Prayers

    Lynn Smith

    Peace
    I wish you strength peace and a Strong mind....love you ....Karie
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    mom62 said:

    I relate
    to everything in that song and the way you describe it. It's like we are in a bubble and no one can get in. Do people really want to hear how you feel? I always say I'm fine or I'm okay. They really don't want us to drone on about how we are feeling. I wish you well and hope everything is okay. We are always here if you need to talk. Sending you hugs.

    Terry

    Do People Really Want To Hear How You Feel?
    Dear Terry,

    I always believe when people say how are you? They just want to hear the words, "I'm fine or I'm ok?" They don't want to hear the list of afflictions you might be dealing with at the moment.

    After 17 1/2 years dealing with BC, I now occasionally say if I am having a bad day, "not to good today" and walk on by. It is only to the few people who know what I am going through. The rest I say, "fine".

    Hope you are doing well and if not, here is the place to state it, as we are for the most part all in the same boat.

    Best,

    Doris
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    Sound of Silence
    I always like Simon & Garfunkel, tells what era we came from, doesn't it?

    Good way to express it all, thanks.

    Doris
  • DebbyB
    DebbyB Member Posts: 86
    SIROD said:

    Do People Really Want To Hear How You Feel?
    Dear Terry,

    I always believe when people say how are you? They just want to hear the words, "I'm fine or I'm ok?" They don't want to hear the list of afflictions you might be dealing with at the moment.

    After 17 1/2 years dealing with BC, I now occasionally say if I am having a bad day, "not to good today" and walk on by. It is only to the few people who know what I am going through. The rest I say, "fine".

    Hope you are doing well and if not, here is the place to state it, as we are for the most part all in the same boat.

    Best,

    Doris

    Doris
    It is truly is what they want to hear. I am so tired of reassuring everyone I am okay, even when I feel like screaming.
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    SIROD said:

    Sound of Silence
    I always like Simon & Garfunkel, tells what era we came from, doesn't it?

    Good way to express it all, thanks.

    Doris

    I try very hard not to dwell in the darkness, either
    And I do feel better when I "let go, let God." But, it's true--at least in my humble opinion--people want and need to hear "I'm fine" from me. Makes them feel better.

    But, as my therapist has said--it's NOT my job to make other people feel better and, if they don't want the true answer, than don't ask the question. I like that.

    Anyway, I hope we can all walk out of the darkness--at least for a while today!

    Hugs, Renee
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    missrenee said:

    I try very hard not to dwell in the darkness, either
    And I do feel better when I "let go, let God." But, it's true--at least in my humble opinion--people want and need to hear "I'm fine" from me. Makes them feel better.

    But, as my therapist has said--it's NOT my job to make other people feel better and, if they don't want the true answer, than don't ask the question. I like that.

    Anyway, I hope we can all walk out of the darkness--at least for a while today!

    Hugs, Renee

    ExactlyRenee
    When I am asked how I am feeling, I ask the person "do you REALLY want to know?" It kind of throws the person off balance but if I am asked earnestly, then I will answer likewise.

    I do have to say that I don't like talking about it. It's hard for others who have not "been there" to really understand the technical details of treatment and all. It gets exhausting when I try to explain certain things that happen during treatment or exams.

    SO, the "I'm fine" works for me. Unless someone reads through that and REALLY wants to know. My friends can usually tell when I'm not OK and will gently push for more information. That's the way it should be.

    Now that I've said that ... I need the PINK BUS on Monday.

    Thank you for the prayers and hugs and well wishes. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed as I navigate this rocky road.

    Mary
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    missrenee said:

    I try very hard not to dwell in the darkness, either
    And I do feel better when I "let go, let God." But, it's true--at least in my humble opinion--people want and need to hear "I'm fine" from me. Makes them feel better.

    But, as my therapist has said--it's NOT my job to make other people feel better and, if they don't want the true answer, than don't ask the question. I like that.

    Anyway, I hope we can all walk out of the darkness--at least for a while today!

    Hugs, Renee

    ExactlyRenee
    When I am asked how I am feeling, I ask the person "do you REALLY want to know?" It kind of throws the person off balance but if I am asked earnestly, then I will answer likewise.

    I do have to say that I don't like talking about it. It's hard for others who have not "been there" to really understand the technical details of treatment and all. It gets exhausting when I try to explain certain things that happen during treatment or exams.

    SO, the "I'm fine" works for me. Unless someone reads through that and REALLY wants to know. My friends can usually tell when I'm not OK and will gently push for more information. That's the way it should be.

    Now that I've said that ... I need the PINK BUS on Monday.

    Thank you for the prayers and hugs and well wishes. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed as I navigate this rocky road.

    Mary
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    missrenee said:

    I try very hard not to dwell in the darkness, either
    And I do feel better when I "let go, let God." But, it's true--at least in my humble opinion--people want and need to hear "I'm fine" from me. Makes them feel better.

    But, as my therapist has said--it's NOT my job to make other people feel better and, if they don't want the true answer, than don't ask the question. I like that.

    Anyway, I hope we can all walk out of the darkness--at least for a while today!

    Hugs, Renee

    ExactlyRenee
    When I am asked how I am feeling, I ask the person "do you REALLY want to know?" It kind of throws the person off balance but if I am asked earnestly, then I will answer likewise.

    I do have to say that I don't like talking about it. It's hard for others who have not "been there" to really understand the technical details of treatment and all. It gets exhausting when I try to explain certain things that happen during treatment or exams.

    SO, the "I'm fine" works for me. Unless someone reads through that and REALLY wants to know. My friends can usually tell when I'm not OK and will gently push for more information. That's the way it should be.

    Now that I've said that ... I need the PINK BUS on Monday.

    Thank you for the prayers and hugs and well wishes. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed as I navigate this rocky road.

    Mary
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    MsGebby said:

    ExactlyRenee
    When I am asked how I am feeling, I ask the person "do you REALLY want to know?" It kind of throws the person off balance but if I am asked earnestly, then I will answer likewise.

    I do have to say that I don't like talking about it. It's hard for others who have not "been there" to really understand the technical details of treatment and all. It gets exhausting when I try to explain certain things that happen during treatment or exams.

    SO, the "I'm fine" works for me. Unless someone reads through that and REALLY wants to know. My friends can usually tell when I'm not OK and will gently push for more information. That's the way it should be.

    Now that I've said that ... I need the PINK BUS on Monday.

    Thank you for the prayers and hugs and well wishes. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed as I navigate this rocky road.

    Mary

    I'll....
    I'll Be on the bus if I have to drag myself on it! I, along with everyone else on this board understand the anxiety, fear and darkness.....
    I am triple negative, diagnosed the first time in April 2009...lumpectomy, chemo, clean margins, no lymph node involvement....had chemo and 33 rads treatments...did fine until June, 2011...it came back in my lymph nodes, go figure! had 25 rads treatments to the neck and clavicle area and went on Zeloda for 7 months....then my scans showed some were the same, some progression in others and 3 small spots on my brain...that knocked my socks off! I was shocked by that news! So I had 10 rads treatment to the brain for that...both my rads and medical oncologist are 99.9% sure that will take care of that....won.'t know for until my next scans... 3 months away...also back on chemo every 2 weeks...Had a port put in....my oncologist was able, through the manufacture to get me on Avastin...since the FDA pulled it for bc...I have that plus Zemcar and Carboplatin...having a difficult with it and the overwhelming fatigue from the rads to the brain....it sucks!

    So I understand the" "darkness" but I don't allow myself to go there...I'd probably lose my mind if I did!
    Keep us posted on what's going on, Mary... You know we care...
    Big hugs, Nancy
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    MAJW said:

    I'll....
    I'll Be on the bus if I have to drag myself on it! I, along with everyone else on this board understand the anxiety, fear and darkness.....
    I am triple negative, diagnosed the first time in April 2009...lumpectomy, chemo, clean margins, no lymph node involvement....had chemo and 33 rads treatments...did fine until June, 2011...it came back in my lymph nodes, go figure! had 25 rads treatments to the neck and clavicle area and went on Zeloda for 7 months....then my scans showed some were the same, some progression in others and 3 small spots on my brain...that knocked my socks off! I was shocked by that news! So I had 10 rads treatment to the brain for that...both my rads and medical oncologist are 99.9% sure that will take care of that....won.'t know for until my next scans... 3 months away...also back on chemo every 2 weeks...Had a port put in....my oncologist was able, through the manufacture to get me on Avastin...since the FDA pulled it for bc...I have that plus Zemcar and Carboplatin...having a difficult with it and the overwhelming fatigue from the rads to the brain....it sucks!

    So I understand the" "darkness" but I don't allow myself to go there...I'd probably lose my mind if I did!
    Keep us posted on what's going on, Mary... You know we care...
    Big hugs, Nancy

    Hi Nancy
    It's a song. It just happens to be one I can relate to. I put an iron gate around that dark place and somehow lost the key! HAHA

    I don't go there. At least, I try hard not to go there. Some days, it just isn't possible. But, like you, I have a strong spirit. I am stubborn and won't let cancer take me down.

    After reading your reply, I sit in silence... crying. It hurts me so much to see that you are constantly (it seems) fighting this beast! You also give me determination NOT to let this beast pull me into that dark place.

    I am so glad I found you and this wonderful group of strong ladies. I did post another song. This song is one I relate even more to. Life has not been easy on any level for me. But I know how to get angry enough at a situation and then kick whatever is bothering me to the curb. That's how I roll :)

    When all is said and done, I hope that I, at least, am able to show my daughters how to fight like a girl. AND...show them that there is a silver lining in everything that comes their way.

    Thank you for being here for me and everyone else. You certainly are tops in my book

    xoxo
    Mary
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    You are not alone
    What a profound song. Never listened to the words until you posted them.

    We are here for you, you are not alone. Hang on and remember to breathe. If you believe, pray that God give you peace of mind and heart. This is what I do when I get anxious about something that is out of my control.

    Hugs.
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member

    You are not alone
    What a profound song. Never listened to the words until you posted them.

    We are here for you, you are not alone. Hang on and remember to breathe. If you believe, pray that God give you peace of mind and heart. This is what I do when I get anxious about something that is out of my control.

    Hugs.

    Hang in there, Mary
    I can tell you have a strong spirit. But, as I've so humbly found out, no matter how strong we are, we still need the help and support of others. And, as the other gals have said--we're here for you, without judgement, just sending love and support and encouragement.

    You bet I'll be on that bus on Monday--listening, holding your hand.

    Hugs, Renee