Apr 08, 2012 - 3:48 am
I'm absolutely devastated, my mom is still recovering from her esophagectomy and we had her 3 month PET scan results and 2 lymph nodes lit up right near her neck. My mom was shocked and I started freaking out inside. The same scared grieving feelings I had when we first found out her diagnosis 7 months ago came right back. She starts Chemo and Radiation again on Wednesday. Doctor is telling us that we only have a 5-10 percent chance of a cure at this point. She was just starting to eat a little more and gain her strength. And then to get this news. I keep looking at her and feel so guilty that I didn't get her to the doctor sooner a year ago. I'm in Vegas right now with her and we're having fun and then we both realize the reality that at any moment, the cancer could spread quickly. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I love her so much and I can't deal with the thought of her actually dying. I feels surreal. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it was all a bad dream. Sometimes I feel like i'm going to have a panic attack.