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My mother passed away... I am so sad... Support?

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

My mother passed away five days ago. The funeral was organized two days ago. My mother had cervical cancer with metastasis changes on her lungs. She survived almost 5 years. My only comfort is that she didn't have some exaggerating suffer at the end. I think that she had a quality life during this period. She had a great support from my father and, especially, from me. But, SHE WAS OUR GREAT SUPPORTER. My mother and I did not have secrets - we openly talked about her disease and we were never discouraged. Unfortunately, the massive infiltration of malignant cells in her bloodstream caused her death.

I am so sad. I miss her touch. I miss conversation with her. It is very painful to accept the fact that she is not with me. I miss her support. I miss her physical existence. It is so hard. I was brave during this funeral period and I am sure that she would be proud on me how I made all these bureaucratic things connected to the funeral. But, I feel deep pain inside of me. I feel deep emptiness inside of me. I miss her love.

I need support and that is the reason for logging in this site. I do not want to discourage any actual cancer survivors with my story - my mother proved me that it is possible to live longer than statistics say and that is possible to live with cancer in more or less quality way.

My mother was a hero. Mom, I love you and I will always love you!

(p.s. I am not a native speaker of English so excuse me for any grammar mistake.)

Noellesmom
Posts: 1299
Joined: Aug 2010

You did just fine.

I'm sorry about your mom, Dacha. I know how difficult it is, as do so many others on this site.

How wonderful you and your mom had such an open relationship and that were close.

And I think you should feel free to talk openly about your mom's cancer experience if that helps you at all - this is a group it is hard to discourage.

Let us hear how you are doing. It is so very early in your grief process.

Hugs.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Thank you a lot, dear Noellesmom! :-*

As I said, my mother was the cancer survivor for five years. Doctors detected her cervical cancer in 3c stage. She went through the radiation therapy and chemotherapy (the cancer was inoperable). After three years, doctors detected malignant changes on one of her lymph node and she went through the new round of radiation and chemo. The chronic neurophatic pain was the result of these aggressive therapies. During the summer last year the cancer in the right lobe of her lungs was discovered. The doctor told me that cancer was inoperable and incurable. She underwent the radiation therapy and the first results were excellent: there were no malignant changes. Unfortunately, three months later both lobes of the lung were affected with cancer. She started to receive chemo, but her body was full of toxins from previous chemotherapy. Her kind heart could not endure this treatment. Her sudden death was the result of massive infiltration of malignant cells in her bloodstream.

Her death was shock for me. I was broken both in the physical and the emotional sense. I am still broken. She died in the hospital and that was happened during the night. I was not with her. That was the reason why I wanted to see her before her body was forever closed in the coffin. When I saw her beautiful face I cried a lot but after some time I felt happiness. I said final goodby to her physical existence. Her psychological/spiritual existence will be forever the part of my soul.

Through the period of her disease I learned that the cancer patients were the bravest people in the world. We live in the world where people perceive guys and girls in military formations as brave. But the bravest people in the world are people affected with cancer. During the stay of my mom in the hospital I met many people affected with cancer and their spirit and strength were magnificent for me. My mother was full of positive spirit. We really talked about all aspects of her disease but we made many cancer jokes too. In these very moments of grief I have changes from laughing to crying. My mom was so full of life and positive thoughts, full of jokes and I cannot resist laughing in some hard moments. She was really fantastic mother and I know that all people affected with cancer are fantastic. She is my hero but all cancer patients are heroes too!

Noellesmom
Posts: 1299
Joined: Aug 2010

Cancer patients face struggles that are unique.

Hugs, Dacha.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

I found out that preparing lunch is very hard for me. Namely, especially during last year of my mom's life, I tried to prepare lunch for her. I am not a good cook, but I tried to find some easy and healthy recipes and to help my mother. Sometimes she told: "Oh my God, this is maybe healthy, but not so delicious!" :D But, she was the obedient mother and ate everything I prepared for her. :)

Today and yesterday I prepared meals for me and my father and I did not enjoy. On the contrary, I felt deep sadness, especially yesterday...

Oh mom, I love you so much and I miss you so much... Your only son...

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

My mother died 10months ago and it has been a year of great ups and downs. I miss her everyday, but am learning to deal with it. When she died, we said good bye on great terms. I feel her around and am glad she knew how much I cared. I am learning to live without her, or live with her in a different dimension....It will get better I promise....and I know she would not want you to suffer.....she would want you to enjoy your life as much as possible....besides she is watching out for you don't you think? Thank you for sharing your grief....losing a mother is hard....

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Dear Lisa13Q, thank you for your kind words! It really means a lot for me. Yes, I am sure that my mother would like me to enjoy my life.

Today, I have visited the village where she had grown up. I have seen my grandma's grave and, after that, I have visited her house. In that house my mom had spent her early years. The house is full of memories. In my grandma's garden I have found beautiful purple bell flowers (campanula flowers). I have picked flowers for my mom. I am going to bring them to her grave tomorrow. Later, when I have come home, I have found on the net the symbolic meanings of bell flowers. They symbolize "thank you" gift as well as constancy and everlasting love. Beautiful, isn't it? Yes, I am full of gratitude for my mom and I will love her to the last breath!

Minaha
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2012

Dacha, I am very sorry for your loss. Please take time to grieve and also make sure you look after yourself. I lost my father a month ago and now am feeling the pain a lot.
From your post it was clear you loved your mother very much and she loved you. Keep that memory precious to you.

I see from your other post that you live in Europe. I also live there. Thinking of you.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Dear Minaha, I am very sorry for your loss! It is hard to lose someone who is precious for you!

I know that my mom needed support from other cancer survivors during her struggle. That union encouraged her. In these moments, I also need similar support. To be surrounded with people who have the similar experience. It strengthens me. I am very grateful to all of you for your kind words!

Cindy Bear
Posts: 562
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I come here for support too, not as much as when my mom first passed away. She died in June 09, she had uterine cancer, and it was very advanced by the time she was diagnosed. Your post is beautiful (and your grammar/spelling just fine) It's such a hard and heavy loss . I still miss my mother terribly, esp. around the holidays. I cannot believe this will be our 3rd Easter without her. It does get better with time (slowly) The wound heals, the scar remains. Take care of yourself and grieve as long as you need to.
Big hugs,
Cindy

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Dear Cindy, thank you. We have similar experiences with our mothers' illnesses.

English is not my native language, but it helps me to write in it. When I talk in my native language I become more dispersive. When I talk/write in the foreign language I have to express my thoughts in more precise way. It helps me to understand better my feelings.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Outside is stormy weather. I like it. It is some kind of materialization of my inner emotional status...

Angel_1120
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2012

My Dad survived Lung cancer for 6years. In October 2011 his CT scan was good. Clear. 4 months ago he fell over and hit his head (xmas day) he didn't tell anyone about it and 4 weeks later he couldn't move his foot, he was walking with a limp. The dr said it was probably a slipped disc and arranged to have a MRI scan. We decided to go to the hospital to get some crutches and the doctor said that his foot wasn't normal and he could of had a stroke. He had a brain scan and had bleeding to the brain which caused the swelling and that's the reason as to why he couldn't move his foot. Unfortunately they also found a brain tumour. He lost his voice as this point and we put it down to the trauma to the head so he had a CT scan and we found we had Lung cancer. 2 months ago we wasn't feeling well so we rushed him to the hospital. He died 8hrs later from Cancer to the heart. He went into cardiac arrest. We only found out about the brain and lung cancer 1 week before we died. Its hard but Its a blessing he died so quickly. He had no symptoms of cancer to the brain, heart or lung. He wasn't given morphine and he died exactly how he wanted to. Naturally. Outcome. Multi-Organ Failure.

This might sound strange but my dad got hives 1 month before he was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. His doctor said it was rare but the immune system goes haywire with some people after having hives and get all sorts. Cancer, diabetes etc... The doctor at the hospital said to us that his liver had gone haywire and they don't know why. The oncologist couldn't believe it as he was cancer free for 6yrs.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Angel_1120, I'm sorry for your dad.

My mom also passed away suddenly. It was shocking for me, but my only comfort was that she didn't have exaggerating suffer at the end.

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Angel_1120, I'm sorry for your dad.

My mom also passed away suddenly. It was shocking for me, but my only comfort was that she didn't have exaggerating suffer at the end.

radevaelena
Posts: 10
Joined: Nov 2011

Hi Dacha, I lost my mom almost 6 months ago (it will be 6 months on April 24...)...and I still can't accept it happened...I realized that there have been days I did not cry, which means I am dealing with her loss in a better way (I used to cry every single day, several times during the day)...but as you said you miss your mom's touch, I miss my mom's touch too...just someone like her to talk to...My dad is not very good about stuff like that...Really really sorry...But keep on coming to this boards...It's been 6 months for me and I still come here when I feel down...Much love, Elena

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Dear Elena, thank you. I'm sorry for your loss. It is hard to accept that our mothers are not with us anymore...

Take care!

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Dacha
May I send you my deepest sympathies on the recent loss of your mom. I lost my dad on March 9, 2010 to esophageal cancer with mets to the lungs. My sympathies also go out to all of you who have lost your loved ones recently. I got through my journey with my dad and his cancer by having faith in God. I leaned on God the whole 16 months. When he passed away, I was relieved, I was happy to see how peaceful and actually happy he looked. I asked our pastor why is it so easy for me to accept my dad's passing? He looked me right in the eye and said, Tina, you know the Lord. I get it. I understand it. I have accepted it. Praise the Lord. Taking our love ones home to heaven is God's way of giving us a blessing. Hope you are feeling a little better. It takes time. Weeks, months, years. You will see your mom again. God always keeps his promises. Take care and keep in touch.
Tina in Va

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Dear Tina, I'm sorry for your loss! Thank you for your kind answer! Hugs!

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