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Not Coming As Often

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

I find myself coming less often to these boards. I remember I came several times a day after Doug died. Now, I come only once a week or so. I think that is probably some kind of progress. Now, I come to help others rather than to help myself. I do answer PM s quickly because I get a notification on my email. So, what I am trying to say is that you are all welcome to PM me, but I won't be following the boards as much. All of you have been a part of my grieving process. I am so thankful so many of you were here when I needed you. I hope I was helpful for some of you. Even in the dead of night when I couldn't really reach out to family and friends, you were here. Take care everyone. Fay

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
I know how you feel. I don't come here as often anymore since it'll be 2 years on March 25th since my husband died. But still like to check in to see how everyone is doing. Glad you're doing okay. We have no choce right? It sure is hard getting used to our new life. I hate being alone and don't know what I'd do without my kids.
Well hang in there Faye!! "Carole"

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Good to see you here Carole... and you Faye, thank you for responding on my Caregiver topic.

It's been 9 months for me Carole... but seems like forever. I've had a wake up call this winter and don't want to whine about living anymore. Not easy... but has to be done. I am soooooo tired of "sighing", of waiting for my life to wake up. I feel that I am no good to anyone for advise... one step in front of the other but one gets so tired of hearing those words. I miss everyone who helped me get through the dark year of fighting cancer but my heart aches now for all the wounded here.

So I come back to remember and I am grateful my journey has taught me that love can slip through your fingers like water. It's a gentle reminder for me to not take for granted anyone who travels into my life now or in my future.

My heart doesn't look the same as it did, it doesn't feel the same, and I wonder if I will ever be able to love the same? But damn it I'm going to give it my best shot!

Peace to you.
Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

Dear Fay:

I'm sad to see you go....another loss for me...i didn't post much but always read yours, and yes, they are always helpful....I guess you give me hope...we can get over this loss....I lost my mother 10 months ago and still it seems sometimes like yesterday...I feel like everyone is moving on except me.....idk........maybe someday......please at least visit...

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

As you can see, I still lurk a couple of times a week. Sometimes I just can't help myself, and I make a comment. Hang in there. It is hard to lose the ones we love. My mom no longer knows me. That's hard, too. It's another type of loss. We do learn to live with the losses, and we face more as we age. We can do this. Life and death happen. It is a part of the grand scheme of our beings..Fay

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

Fay, I'm sorry about your mom. I know that has got to be so hard. I know my mother confused me with her own mother in her last weeks, but only briefly. It was such a shock each time it happened it took me a few moments to recover. Eventually, it didn't bother me because I thought she might be comforted by the fact her mom was there for her.

Hugs, Fay.

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Lisa,

My mom passed away May 19th, 2011
My husband passed away May 27th, 2011

I have spent the past year grieving my husband while stuffing all my feelings in a box surrounding my Mom's death. I just couldn't process both deaths at the same time. I work for a newspaper... Mother's Day is coming up and I was asked to do a spec ad for my sales team to sell advertising space with. It was last Friday and by the time I was done and home I was toast. I really didn't know what hit me but my tears were flowing and they haven't stopped. The floodgates have opened ready or not. I guess I should have known better but I was too busy anticipating my husband's anniversary death instead.

I just turned 59 in January... my mom was 79. We didn't have a perfect relationship but I know with all my heart that she loved me. She never forgot my birthday... she always worried about me and my brothers no matter how old we got to be. I lost my dad in 1996... I consider myself an orphan now... it is a lonely feeling.

My daughter is having her first baby in October... For the first time I will be a Grandmother. My mom would be so very proud of both of us.

And so life does go on...

Deb
redesign08.blogspot.com

eibod
Posts: 160
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi, it has been two months since I lost my husband of 43 years. Life was really different for us the last 2 1/2 years of his life, living cancer everyday. But
we were together, now I am alone and everything is different in a new way. Can't seem to look to the future, still holding on to the past. Glad that you are feeling better, hope
that in time I will have my feet on the ground. Always anxious to hear how others deal with loss.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

You don't stop missing them or hurting. You can learn to live with it, though. As a 90+ friend told me " time mellows our grief." Our lives are forever changed. Now most of my memories make me smile instead of cry. God gives me the strength. Remembering Doug's strength, courage, and love keeps me moving forward. He would have wanted that. Take care, Fay

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