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Whom to tell?

One Lucky Girl's picture
One Lucky Girl
Posts: 68
Joined: Feb 2012

Hi everyone, I'm new here as well. 4 weeks ago a CT scan & MRI revealed a 1.9 cm mass on my upper left kidney. 2 weeks ago I had a Da Vinci laparoscopic partial nephrectomy. Biopsy revealed Stage 1 Grade 2 cancer. It all happened so fast that I am just now starting to process the cancer diagnosis (they thought it was benign). I'm more than a little scared it will come back. I'm a very fit 47-year old female.

My husband thinks I shouldn't tell anyone it was cancer, but I would like to confide in my friends/family. I feel afraid and alone. Thoughts?

MikeK703's picture
MikeK703
Posts: 235
Joined: Sep 2010

Hi and welcome.
With Stage 1 Grade 2, the chances of it coming back are slim. God bless you, the odds are with you. You're a cancer survivor. You should tell whomever you want. Some cancer patients are more private than others but if you're not one of them and there's no good reason to withhold the news, by all means tell your family and friends.
Regards,
Mike

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

One Lucky Girl,

With a tumor that small there is almost no chance it will ever come back which I'm sure you have already been told. It is still normal to be scared and the best way to ease that fear is to talk about it. You may find that friends and family would rather ignore the elephant in the room once you tell them it was cancer and perhaps that will be okay with you after you get it off your chest. If not, this forum is a good place to come and converse with those that truly understand or you could seek out a support group in your area for some face to face time. Talking about it shortens the time required to get used to being told you HAD cancer.

Welcome to the club,

Gary

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 1453
Joined: Jan 2010

At 1.9 cm you are one lucky girl. So what if it was Cancer. Over 90% of those on this board including myself were told that it was in fact Cancer. It is out. The chances are close to 100% that it will never return. You are a survivor and a member of our club. You have conquered Cancer. Sure it is scary for your husband that his wife HAD Cancer. My wife freaked out hearing those words. She got over it. He will get over the fear now that you are OK. Tell anyone and everyone that you are proud to be a Cancer survivor.

Best wishes,

Icemantoo

One Lucky Girl's picture
One Lucky Girl
Posts: 68
Joined: Feb 2012

Thank you all for being so nice. Your stories have moved me more than I can say. I wish I had found this message board BEFORE my surgery when the panic attacks were so extreme I couldn't breathe. I do realize reading this board how very lucky I am to have found this cyst so soon. My only symptom was fatigue. I visited my wonderful doctor and she took me seriously when I requested a CT scan in addition to blood tests. I just had this strange sense that there was a tumour somewhere (but I didn't expect to be proven right!!!). It does rock your world, doesn't it?

I really appreciate that you have reinforced the concept that I am a survivor. Part of me doesn't believe it yet -- I guess time and getting back to my "real life" will help. Thanks again.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

I think I know where you are coming from. I did not want anyone to know my business, let alone my medical history. But sooner or later, I had to tell someone. Next thing I knew, everyone knew. A little pissed, but it also motivates me. In a couple weeks it will be a year. And I'm in better shape than EVERYONE I know!!! We may be your new friends, but we ARE survivors!!Stay in touch.
Fox.

LISAinTN's picture
LISAinTN
Posts: 143
Joined: Aug 2011

One Lucky Girl, I tried to send you a private message, but it said you weren't accepting them. I'm sure you don't want to post your email address here, so if you wouldn't mind, could you accept PM's for a short while so I can contact you? Thanks!

Blessings,
Lisa

One Lucky Girl's picture
One Lucky Girl
Posts: 68
Joined: Feb 2012

Should work now :-)

LISAinTN's picture
LISAinTN
Posts: 143
Joined: Aug 2011

Thanks. I just sent it. :o)

LISAinTN's picture
LISAinTN
Posts: 143
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi One Lucky Girl,

I'm 47 also, although mine was found last year when I was 46. My tumor was small also, but still as scary for me as if it had been the size of a basketball! Women are usually talkers by nature and it makes us feel better to talk about things. If it makes you feel better, tell everyone you know! It's better then keeping it in and letting it eat at you. We're all here to talk to as well. This is a great group of people here. So glad you found us, although not glad for the reason you had to find us. Take care.

Blessings,
Lisa

Vagusto's picture
Vagusto
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

Hello
Life comes with no guarantees. I didn't really live for the first year or so after I was diagnosed. I finally told myself that I was tired of worrying that "it" will pop up some other place. I have days that I don't even think about cancer. (huge accomplishment for me) I would tell people if you want to, it's up to you and nobody else. My thinking is that if you need the support, tell people. Some people might be angry for not knowing, because they care about you and would want to know.
Take Care of YOU.
Valerie

livealive's picture
livealive
Posts: 127
Joined: Feb 2012

I don't know where to begin, most of you have dealt with what I am dealing with, Vagusto's message above makes me realize, what I feel, think, fear, has been experienced by others, and those are others are willing to lend a hand. I am afraid of where this thing is, stage 3, partial nephrectomy, did they remove the tumor entirely ?
What about the renal vein invasion ?
Has something gotten into my system ?
What is happening this moment as I write ?
I realize, I am NOT in control, and yet worried, clinging is the nature of the mind. Not sure of God, not sure of medicine, not sure of technology, of the most basic of all needs, that to live, now in question, the fear get's overwhelming, emotional manifesting as physiological - hard to explain, but easy to understand. The one question bogs my mind - what will happen ? Above, all, please know, I find this supporting group helpful, albeit some of you'll are quirky (to say the least), and not in a negative manner, the help is sincerely needed, and appreciated.
R.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

R,

The roller coaster ride of fear and emotion that you are on is very real and very normal. You were given a ticket to the ride when they said "You have cancer." and you have no choice, it is a required ride. As a child I was taught that the best way to deal with fear is to face it and that when we do we learn that it is not nearly as strong as our imagination built it up to be. You can conquer the fear that grips you, but it takes time and great effort. Fear is an impenetrable wall that must be torn down brick by brick. Learn to concentrate on only that which you can control, work on what is and don't waste time on what if. We all know the ultimate answer to "What will happen?" would the how, why, and when make you any happier? Be thankful for what life has to offer between now and then and enjoy the experience. You might consider a bucket list, making my own helped prioritize what is really important, it helped me decide to take back my life, do what I can to prevent, remain vigilant, and worry about cancer if/when it visits me again.

Good luck,

Gary

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