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I Just don't know what to do Anymore

4Mily
Posts: 4
Joined: Dec 2011

I came here looking for answers and looking for hope when I found out my mom had stage 4 lung cancer. I sadly lost my mother in her fight to cancer and I am struggling, I only found out about the cancer at the begining of December and she passed away the day after new years. One thing I have learned from all of this is that life is so short and so precious and not to take things for granted but my grief is stopping me from doing anything, getting dressed in the mornings or even getting out of bed is a chore, Not good when you have a 2 year old and a 3 month old to take care of. My girls have started to pick up on my grief and the last thing I want is to feel this way, my mom would have wanted me to live my life to the fulliest but I miss her so much I just don't know what to do. I just want to hear her voice one last time. I live in a different country than she did and when she found out about the cancer the doctors told her she wouldn't make it till January and she still flew to be with me and see her new Granddaughter. I was so blessed to have that time with her but because of that time with her it just makes me sad, I was heavily pregnant and hormonal and all I did was complain about little things, I didn't know about the cancer, she looked tired not as if she was dying. So I'm getting a little off of the point here, How do you get passed the grief? I've never lost anyone I was so close to, I feel as though a piece of me is gone. I need to get passed this for my girls they deserve to have a happy mother, not this moody grumpy one I've been, I don't think my littlest one has seen me happy yet!

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

You have done a very good job of explaining your grief and your depression, both of which are common for those who lose a loved one to cancer or for any other reason.

It would be unusual, in fact, if you did not feel grief and some depression.

I am merely a survivor and not a doctor or psychiatrist, but I would suggest that the depression you describe may be a little more severe than what many feel, although I think we can agree that measuring degrees of grief or depression is a futile effort.

In any case, I would suggest that you seek a source of therapy, professional therapy, someone that you can talk to about your feelings without feeling, yourself, as though they might cast judgement upon you.

Perhaps you will be offered anti-depressants, and if so, consider taking them as scheduled without fear of their altering your mind as in a sci-fi movie. The combination of medication and regular therapy sessions does wonders for many.

At the same time, make time to get out of the abode; exercise, walk, take the kids to the park, do things that you enjoy, especially outdoors, that give you energy and light and bonding time with your children.

Make time for yourself away from the kids as well, so that they never begin to feel like a burden during your so-called 'grumpiness'. Time away, a movie, a dinner, a concert, a walk alone, may help you to better enjoy their company when you are home (don't leave them alone, of course).

Finally, trust me in that you will eventually turn your tears of sadness regarding mom's departure into tears of joy, as you remember the good times you shared through the years, and you will certainly remember the happy times she provided to you that you can in turn provide to your children.

Remember your mom with kindness and all else will come together.

All of this is natural, and it would be unnatural to ignore it (and you are not!). You are ahead of the game for recognizing the problem and seeking solutions.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Take care,

Joe

marythoff
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2012

I am sorry about your mom. But please dont allow your daughters to grow up sad and depressed over this. I hope your daughters and you have good memories of your mom- if you dont end the pity party and stop this cycle of depression/bad parenting. if you do have good memories thank god for that and think about the good things and how lucky you and your daughters are to have good memories.

grannylove
Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011

So sorry you are feeling the final sting of this monster. There is nothing like the love of a mother. Know that your mother will always live within your heart and soul. She is with you always....in thought and wonderful memories that you can pass down to your children so that they might know her. Soccerfreak has said it all very well and has great recommendations. Please consider these. Prayers and healing thoughts coming your way. Cheryl

grannylove
Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011

oops....doubled :{

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