Feb 06, 2012 - 12:37 am
It's been five *IMPOSSIBLE* years without him...!
My father fought with cancer for twenty... years...
If he could be here with me today, he would be. And, some days, that's enough for me to slow the tears and catch a breath. He loved his family. He loved me.
He would apologize for getting cancer, and it always killed me.
He was never the burden that he feared he was. Every day that he was in my life was a gift. I wish I could've had more time with him...! But, he was ready to go. He fought well and deserved that peace.
I've been depressed for so long that I don't know any other way to be -- I've literally been dealing with cancer for over half of my lifetime. I'm low on optimism, confidence, ... I've lost my smile. I've lost myself.
I finally understand what it means to "find yourself". That's what I need to do. I can't grieve forever even though I feel like I could. What I really hope to do is appreciate life more and make my father proud (in spirit) that I'm surviving this. It's hard... but, it gets less impossible every day.