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Feel like on a major rollercoaster

rds711
Posts: 113
Joined: Dec 2011

Has been a bit since I last posted. Seems like the last couple months I have been stuck on a rollercoaster. See a doc.... do a biopsy or test..wait a week get results, you have anal cancer insitu....see another doc...have another test or biopsy...wait a week get results, yep insitu.... tumor board to review case...wait a week, you need a pelvic MRI... have the test...wait a week get results, MRI shows invasion into 2 muscles you need to start treatment...appt made with oncologist in yep 1 week which is next Tuesday. GOOD news,BAD news, wait...wait...wait.... Do they have any idea the amount of stress that a person has to feel during this process? Some more than others, maybe some not at all. I have stopped telling family and friends anything. I tell them I have cancer and I see the tears come... I then tell them they say its INSITU!!! I watch as relief floods their faces.. I am not going to put anyone else I love through what I am having to experience first hand. I am frustrated and at times pissed off inside, but most days I am the same ole smiling Randy they know. The one consistent thing in all of this is the amount of support I have gotten from my loved ones and friends and the strength I know God is feeding me.

Randy

z's picture
z
Posts: 1267
Joined: May 2009

Yes waiting for the results is very stressful. I don't know if your dr prescribed anything for stress or anti anxiety, but if it gets to be to much you could probably have that. Once you start tx you will know that the cancer is being addressed and you are on your way to recovery. I know from dx to tx for me it was about 5 weeks. Its good that they have run all the test to make sure that will treat you the best way possible. I wish you well. Lori

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 3077
Joined: Jan 2010

I think the "hurry up and wait" part of cancer is the worst! I'm very sorry that you seem to be getting more than your share of this. Try to hang in there.

mxperry220
Posts: 368
Joined: Mar 2011

Randy,
It seems like the docs have done all the necessary tests to come up with a good treatment plan. I know what stress you are under waiting to start treatments. I have been there like the rest of our anal cancer buddies. Even though my tests time span was shorter than yours I remember many nights of no sleep (2 weeks)worrying before the treatments started. Even though they gave me meds for sleep they did not help. I well rememeber from the colonoscopy to having the docs go back and remove 1/3 of my tumor because they did not get enough tissue sample for confirmation of my my type cancer to the MRI, CT scan PET scan. It was almost too much to emotionally handle. All this occurred within a 2 week timefrme. It seemed more like 2 years.

Once the treatments started my anxiety level went down at least 70%. Hang in there. As my chemo doctor stated if I had to have cancer this is the one to have because they have the most success treating and curing this type of cancer. Throughout your journey try to keep in mind it will get better.
Mike

rds711
Posts: 113
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanks for the support Lori, Mp and Mike. The rougher days come and go. I know once I start the treatment I will feel better mentally, the not doing anything is what gets to me. I am nervous about staging but it is what it is, theres no changing it. 3 more days, I can do 3 more days.

torrance
Posts: 118
Joined: Jan 2012

From the time something was found, to surgery, through staging to treatment was a month and a half for me. I am greatful time was taken to precisely come up with a plan to to treat me. Do not hesitate to take something for the anxiety and emotional stress you are in now and that may come throughout your treatment and recovery. I made it through the staging treatment and subsequent hospitalization and most of the recovery before I "emotionally collapsed." I now find I need the help of medication to help deal with everything happening in my life, far more than the cancer. Remember it is about the journey not the destination. Stay focused on the moment, one at a time.

rds711
Posts: 113
Joined: Dec 2011

Things are finally taking shape. I saw the oncologist yesterday (really liked him) and have appointment with Rad Onc on Monday morning. I am to have a port placed on Tues and have PET scan. Radiation may start by end of next week and Chemo the following Monday. I am so ready to start doing something to fight back. I am feeling empowered again knowing what the plan actually is going to be.

Thanks folks for helping to keep me grounded when my mind just wanted to take flight.

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 3077
Joined: Jan 2010

My anxiety during the time between diagnosis and start of treatment nearly did me in. However, like you, when things were about to begin with treatment and I felt like my doctors and I were finally doing something to go after the cancer, I calmed down. The worst part of this cancer journey can be the waiting. Now you know what lies ahead and when treatment begins and I'm glad that has made you feel better. I wish you all the best in the coming days and during your treatment. You can do this!

Phoebesnow
Posts: 451
Joined: Apr 2011

I am glad you have a plan. I drove be hind a car the other day and the license plate was 1m7117. I thought of you. Enjoy these days b4tx starts.

rds711
Posts: 113
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanks Phoebe for thinking of me. My license plate is DINK711. I am doing my best to do what I want to do... chocolate ice cream almost every night hehehe, night at the casino this weekend and visiting family. I know that treatment is going to get very rough and that my body is going to change. I realized the other day how badly I want to survive this and live on, in order to do that I have to get through the next few months. I am hunkering down.
Gonna think of all of you and your determination, sheer will and strength. Thanks again.

mxperry220
Posts: 368
Joined: Mar 2011

I ate Bluebell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream during my treatments. It was one of the few foods that agreed with me. I also ate toasted cheese sandwiches with dill pickles and drank a bottle of Ensure each day(Banana, Strawberry and Vanilla are good). Ensure has vitamins and minerals in it. I also ate bananas. The radiologist said I could eat anything I wanted but due to diarrhea issues I limited what I ate.

eihtak
Posts: 879
Joined: Oct 2011

Sounds like me, thats almost exactly what I ate also. Homemade vanilla ice cream just tasted so good, and I felt like I was having thanksgiving dinner when I found out that grilled cheese sat well too. I only liked the vanilla ensure ( or Boost ) but also drank it sometimes with a banana and scoop of ice cream blended almost daily.

sandysp's picture
sandysp
Posts: 852
Joined: May 2011

My husband named it the cancer coaster. The worst part for me also was getting all the tests and waiting for the treatments to begin. Now you can start marking the days off the calendar. The good news is we have a much shorter treatment protocol than most cancers require - and a very good overall outcome. I need to change my picture. I am looking good and feel better than I have in years, since I was in a lot of pain before being diagnosed which felt better after the first couple of treatments. I was T2N1 but am now cancer free.
Keep sharing your feelings. This board really helped me.
All the best,
Sandy

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