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stretched again...

JackieA
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Friends,
Lately I have been overwhelmed. I just don't know what to do. My husband can be sooo mean. Sometimes I just want to do something like run away. I love him but sometimes I feel so abused. He can be mean, thinks he knows it all. I am just venting and I feel bad for saying it. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished. Been doing this thing 3 years now. He totally depends on me, but there are days he will have me buy something to eat, only not to eat it. Same way if I cook. He fusses at me. He goes days not saying a word to me. He is equally mean to our son. I know people say it's the med, or you need to understand how he feels...blah, blah. I know that one day I may regret this, but I am tired. I wait on him hand and foot. NO ONE, I mean NO ONE understands. NO oNe is here to help. Family has just gone away...So sad. This whole things sucks! I lost my mom to this dreadful disease. My husband is drugged most days and the days he is not he fusses. I know it is hard on him. I talked to him, and he says he will stop, but it gets worse. Although I know the reasons, I am trying to be tough and suck it up, but it is weighing me down.

eihtak
Posts: 879
Joined: Oct 2011

Go ahead and vent!!!! You poor girl. I know the feeling of NO ONE understands. I am recovering from cancer myself and have to take care of my husband who just had a bone marrow transplant. We have to stay in a town 3hrs from home to be near his doctor, so have no one else here to help ME. I pray this will pass and some day we will both have a happier life again. There is nothing wrong with you thinking of yourself, as a caregiver for him you do understand how he feels so don't let others put you down. I feel like running too, but usually just go for a walk (lol)....hang in there I'm here to listen if that helps.

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

A few weeks ago, when Mom was starting to really slip, she got mean because every day she was losing something else. Can't walk, can't get to the bathroom, primal dignity things like that. Some days I was banging the walls in anger and frustration as her terrible feelings got channeled through me. I've been with her on this journey for three years, and those were by far the worst days ever.

Now she's resting comfortably in bed, can barely move her hands, but won't let go. Sad.

JackieA
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

Someone going through this and at their end life, I feel overwhelmingly sad for all involved because I know how it is. Was there with my mom a year ago. My husband is fighting with some good days and bad days. I just need to breathe sometimes. Inhale and exhale. There is not a day that goes by that I am not consumed with sad dreadful thoughts, so I can only imagine what a cancer patient deals with every waking hour. Somedays I have moments of temporary insanity--did I say that right? I wonder if I will ever wake up from this. I can only think about what my husband is thinking or feeling. I have to put things in the right perspective. Got to enjoy everyday and think positive....sigh.

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