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Mom admitted to the hospital.

tllcaregiver
Posts: 10
Joined: Dec 2011

My mom completed her chemo 2 weeks ago . Jan 5th she finished her last radiation appointment on her throat Cancer. But on the same day. I had her admitted to the hospital.

She won't eat Nor drink any nutritional supplements and she refused the placement of a peg feeding tube before we even began treatments.

I had taken her several times to be hooked up to an IV for some nutrients but this was just a bandaid for the malnourishment she was experiencing. I just could not sit idly by and watch her starve herself to death.

Since she has been admitted. She has a constant IV going with fluids but she is barely eating anything. Just tea, and broth and not even enough to consider "eating".
I could understand if it was a pain issue but she seems to have no difficulties in swallowing . She just complains the tastes are not there or gross.

It has gotten so bad her dietician told me she has the protein of a woman with anorexia.

I am so scared. Now that the treatments are over I do not know what to expect. Her moods are horrible. She looks at me like I am the devil. She glares at me with glazed mean eyes.
Yesterday when I went to visit her I tried to open my heart. I told her how much I missed her, and loved her and tried to get her to focus on something positive and she treated me horrible. She was mean and extremely rude to me. I asked her why she wanted to speak to me so poorly when all I am trying to do is be there and she told me to back off and stop thinking of myself. ( I am telling you a much kinder version).
I do not know what to do. I feel like she hates me. Honestly for the last 5 days she has been like this to me and I have taken it and sucked it up telling myself "this is not really her" but It really does hurt.
I had to cut my visit short yesterday because I simply could not hold back the tears anymore. I left and held it in the whole 2 hour ride home but when I got in my home I collapsed on the stairs and had a massive panic attack. I almost dialed 911 for myself because I could not catch my breath.
She refuses to see anyone for a visit. She gets mad and swears at me when I tell her who has been asking about her and wants to see her. She is isolating herself from the world and now even from me. I made a call to the doctors in high hopes they could send a social worker or someone to her to help.
I wish I knew what is happening.

Brenda Bricco's picture
Brenda Bricco
Posts: 549
Joined: Aug 2011

Boy is she putting you through it! I am sorry to hear this, it's so hard to have someone you love so much lash out at you (I know). I'm thinking that if it is a possiblility to stay away a day or two maybe it would help her to realize that she does need you. I know that when I was recovering from a coma I became combative and was not very nice (actually very mean). I can't tell you why but it just seemed that I felt bad and everyone annoyed me. It took me a week or two but I came out of it and hopefully she will too. I hope things get better for you.
Brenda

ldguerra's picture
ldguerra
Posts: 41
Joined: Jul 2011

Tll,

Being a caregiver is more difficult than we are willing to admit. I am so sorry that you are going through such difficult time and that you are so alone in enduring all this redirected anger from your mom. I do can relate because my husband was like your mom just that I didn't hospitalize him, I ask the docs to send me a nurse at home so he got IV in at home, he was more comfortable with that. What I did to keep the visitors away was started to spread the rumors that he was out of the country for treatment, probably something you can't do. This helped me deal with the anger when they would come and wanted to visit.

I am quite sure your mom doesn't hate you, she hates what she is going through but there is nothing physical to be angry at so she redirects her anger. I still would have that I go out to pay bills and come back to find my husband angry at me for taking too long cause he needed be to be there, yesterday he said some nasty things at me and I had a breakdown also. It is so difficult to deal with especially since they don't seem to comprehend that we are living this damn disease with them. Sorry I sometimes feel like redirecting my anger because cancer has turned my whole world upside down and no one seem to know how to make it right (this is docs i am speaking of).

It is like as soon as we get the handle on something, another difficult thing comes up, like we are just catching eggs that are falling from the sky and no one to give us a little break. It is a horrible disease and even though caregivers don't suffer this disease we suffer the consequences which are horrible.

Breakdown every time it is necessary but just know that you are doing your best and having them pleased is not necessarily the best thing for them. The taste after chemo is horrible and u need to find things that she can taste and give her that to cover for the tasteless nutritional food. What I did was whatever he wanted to eat, that is what he ate, regardless of the nutritional value. Now he can eat nutritious food but only little but that is all his stomach can take so now i keep giving food as soon as he ask.

This battle is hard to deal with cause it keep changing and we are so stressed throughout the entire process. Try not to understand her behaviour but accept it as it is, it is caused by her frustrations and not by what you do. You are doing a great job and be proud of what you do.

HUGS and Prayers to you

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