Jan 01, 2012 - 1:25 am
" Why is this happening to me?" says my sister who got diagnosed with a grade 3 astrocytoma in July 2011.
We were just back from the new years celebrations. The music was perfect, almost textbook from my ipod list. The food great. People were fun and caring. My sister had conquered the dance floor. Guys wanted her. Girls wanted to be her. But almost no one new about her dark secret "I have a brain tumor." She was going fast on the champagne, like she wanted to forget that this curse was upon her. I was watching, always alert. Most of the night was going well except for me, ever watching, making sure she was having fun. But as New Years approached, she grew silent. I worried.
"Ten, nine, eight, seven..."
The crowd on the dance floor is dancing. I glanced at my darling Mark, my caring husband, who knows how worried I am. And I know what thoughts are going through her mind. The same one if I were diagnosed in 2011 with brain cancer. Mark is handsome with his tuxedo and his 2012 hat. A glass of champagne in his hand.
"six, five, four,"
How happy we would be right now. Everyone around us is happy. Or if they have a problem show me one that would trump brain cancer. Yes, I see. No takers?
"Three, two, one.... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!"
The song comes on, the one that has words to "ce n'est qu'un aurevoir mon frere, ce n'est qu'un aurevoir..." in french because it is my first language.
I know my sister is feeling alone.
"Let's go home" I say
We go home. I tell Mark to drive slowly, as my sister feels nauseous. The wine or the huge cyst in her brain?
"Why is this happening to me?
"I feel like giving up."
"You can't. I promised you a cure. You believe in me, right? Plus I cannot live without you. You can't give up."
I hug her. Give her a huge glass of water, a zofran for nausea, and her melatonin. We had to up the steroids today (from 1mg to 2mg) because of headaches and left arm pain. We have another MRI schedules early next week.
2011. What a disastrous year.
2012, here I come. Because it is survival here. I do not accept what it going on. I will fight with everything I have. I will attend every neuro-oncology conference if I have to.