Dec 26, 2011 - 10:04 pm
Mom was sent home to die three weeks ago. She is getting weaker and weaker. Her bowels are shutting down. The ascities are really bad. She won't let them drain her, because she knows the anemia will get much worse, and it's already very bad. I hate this. How does anyone cope with this? I don't know how I can do this with her. I'm so afraid. Afraid she will go without knowing how much I love her. Afraid I might say something wrong. Afraid I might have influenced her decision to go with hospice when she really didnt' want to. Afraid somehow the decisions I'm trying to make will do something, anything to make her sicker. How do you deal with all of this fear? It's eating me up. And I'm so incredibly sad. Last year, when we found out the first round of treatment had done some good and the tumors were necrotic, we were so happy, we had such a celebration. Now she's not ready to give up, she's not ready to stop, and it's breaking my heart. How do you deal with all of this? I don't know how to live without my Mom. Please can someone help me deal with all of this? She's so weak!