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Mum has gone :(

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Mum2bellaandwilliam
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

I cannot believe I am typing this, it still doesn't feel real.
Last Tuesday evening mum was taken into hospital , she died on Wednesday night. She had caught pneumonia and just could not fight it off.
It has been he'll. In the hospital they asked mum if she wanted to be resuscitated ,she Said yes, it was as much as she could do to say yes.10 minuets later the doc came in for a word, took us out of the room and said it was a pointless to resuscitate her , it was awful , I wanted to go with her wishes , but as the docs said it would be awful to watch and pointless.
At 7.40 Tuesday she slipped away so peacefully, all of her children with her.Catherine , j and I were deciding who should go home , so we could do shifts, I had just said to my sister shall we tell her it's ok to let go. Looked around 30 seconds later she was gone. It was almost like she made the tough decision for us, Like mums do they always think of there children.
I just cannot believe this has happened, I knew it was in the post, but just not this quickly. Poor mum she was so poorly for those last 24 hours, she didn't look like my mum, but she kept smiling as we spoke to her and as I Was telling her to fight she kept squeezing my hand
I am so pissed off this ***** has robbed her of Xmas and turning 70 on Xmas day.
But I can take this from her death......cancer can no longer frighten her or us any longer and for that I am grateful.
She had no remission and constant ascites that needed to be drained , she never once complained.
My mum is a hero and an inspiration.
I will miss her so much , where am going to go when I am in the s**t? She always knew what to do.

stella65
Posts: 150
Joined: Feb 2011

I have no words really, all I can say is that I am thinking of you and understand your anger about this damn cancer, just don't let it eat away at you

Lots of love to you and take care X

Carolyn68
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2011

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your "Mum". I followed your story and also prayed that she would be better. Now, she is in a place with no pain and surrounded by angels. Cancer is an ugly thing....I, too, understand your anger...it is our place now to make this world a better place for hope in research and education in this our disease.
Blessings to you and your family. Take care....and know that others care.

Best Friend
Posts: 222
Joined: May 2011

so sorry for this. It seemed like ur mom was finally getting to feel a tad bit better. I feel like it's never the actual cancer that kills but the treatment drains them of all they have.
i can only say that we thank you for sharing ur mom's life with us. God Bless u, your family, and may ur mom look down on all of us!

Lovingmymom's picture
Lovingmymom
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2011

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your journey and to let you know how saddened I was to hear of your mum's passing. Personally, I related to your raw emotion of both frustration and honesty and of your pure and unconditional love for your mum. I am beginning the journey of caring for my mom diagnosed with ppc a few short weeks ago. I stopped breathing on Nov. 14th. You are right, Mums always think of their children and she will always be a hero to us all.
Be well and breathe.
J-

MarisaUK54's picture
MarisaUK54
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 2011

I was so sad when I read your post...

My thoughts are with you, my dear. I'm sure your mum found strength and comfort from all your love and support.

Fondly
Marisa

lulu1010's picture
lulu1010
Posts: 367
Joined: Feb 2011

My prayers are with you. I pray God puts his arms around you and grants you comfort and peace. You were such a loving and devoted daughter. You would make any mother proud. It is not fair that she never even got a remission. We had lost a friend to this disease last year who also got no remission.
She is in a better place and I know that she would want you to continure to thrive and find joy in your life. It is what we all want for our children.
It will take time but one day the pain will go away and you will enjoy life again...that is what your mother would want. Hugs.

westie66's picture
westie66
Posts: 642
Joined: Jun 2010

HI: So sorry to hear that your mom is no longer with you. An awful thing for you to go through. I lost my mom last May and it still seems unreal. I keep on going to telephone her.
Cheryl

AussieMaddie's picture
AussieMaddie
Posts: 345
Joined: May 2011

Hi,

I'm so sorry that your mum couldn't hold on anymore, but it sounds as though to have held on further would have caused her more pain, emotional as well as physical. And seeing her children suffer couldn't have been easy for her.

You say:

"I can take this from her death......cancer can no longer frighten her or us any longer and for that I am grateful.
She had no remission and constant ascites that needed to be drained , she never once complained."

That's a very big thing to take from your mother's death. I hope it comforts you often.

"My mum is a hero and an inspiration."

My personal belief is that inspiration is something that sits in the heart waiting for the time it is needed.

"I will miss her so much , where am going to go when I am in the s**t? She always knew what to do"

Maybe not straight away, but over time, I wonder if you can call on her, consider what advice she would give at those times.

My love to you,

AussieMaddie xxxx

eward
Posts: 210
Joined: Feb 2010

This is such sad news and I am terribly sorry to hear that your mom has passed away. I have been out of town and have not checked mail in a week. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. xoxoEileen

wanttogetwellsoon
Posts: 147
Joined: Apr 2011

I cried quietly when I read your post. I'm so very sorry.

daBeachBum's picture
daBeachBum
Posts: 164
Joined: Apr 2011

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking to hear. My heart goes out to you and your family. It's scant consolation, but at least she is free of pain and worry now.

Strength and Love...

Ray

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Mum2bellaandwilliam
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

your post was beautiful, it moved me to tears , the way you summarised my post meant so much , it made me realise the post I had written for mum was beautiful as well xxxx thankyou xxx

AussieMaddie's picture
AussieMaddie
Posts: 345
Joined: May 2011

xxxx

onemore
Posts: 57
Joined: Jun 2010

Dear Mum2bellaandwilliam,

I am so sorry for your loss as I just lost my dad on December 4, 2011. I feel your pain. I have an empty kind of feeling knowing he is not here anymore. If this helps they are not suffering anymore and are in a better place just not with US! My dad too never complained and fought like a trooper!

Keep Strong as you know our mom/dad would want us too!

Onemore

SOPHIE333
Posts: 92
Joined: May 2011

Im back from vinter vacation and I saw your post. As you said, you knew it was coming, but who can be prepared? My heart goes out to you and all your loved ones surronding you and your family. Your mother fought well and thats all we daughters and sons are asking for. I just want you to know that ypu are not alone and who knows what happens after you leave this world. Your mother will still live within and through you.

All my love,
Sophie

MargieBri
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2011

My heart aches for you and I wish I could say something to make you feel better. My Mam has been disgnosed with Primary Peritoneal Cancer and the doctor said she's too weak to take any chemo, so we're just waiting for the inevitable. This is so horrible to go through and I know one day I will feel just like you. I'm sending a hug for you for whenever you need it most. I will think of you and hope the love she showed you helps you to keep going. X

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Hi Liz,
my name is Mandy and I am very sorry to read of your mum's death recently. Im new to this site. My mum was diagnosed with Peritoneal Cancer at Christmas and had her first round of Chemo last Tuesday, she feels like giving up already! Im just wondering how long your poor mum fought for and what her symptoms were at the beginning and also if you feel the Chemo helped her or hindered her?
We are all so scared of her future. I too am a mum to 3 children and another on the way in June. I understand if you don't want to go over the details of your lovely mums fight. Take care and God Bless you and your family.
Mandy.
P.S. Mum is 66 years old.

Lovingmymom's picture
Lovingmymom
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2011

Mandy,
Just wanted to reach out to you as my mother (75yoa) was diagnosed with Peritoneal Cancer at Thanksgiving. She is about 1 round of chemo ahead of your mom. This is definitely a long road and I have already found out that there will be many bumps along the way. Attitude is everything on this journey. My mom is a fighter and I know that she will far exceed the "statistics" of this type of cancer. One thing that drives her is her grandchildren. I know your mum will fight as your new and current babies will provide her much inspiration. Stay strong for her - but take care of yourself as well. Come to this board often for inspiration, healing and venting. We all do it!
Best of Luck
J-

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Dear J,
thank you for your reply, I will be following your mums progress. I know attitude is everything, I think my mums a bit depressed over the whole thing. I will be as positive as possible around her, I just want to ask you what is your mums appetite like?

God Bless,
Mandy

Lovingmymom's picture
Lovingmymom
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2011

Mandy,
My mom's diagnosis came as the result of a routine scan so she was not exhibiting any symptoms. As a result, her appetite has not suffered one bit. She watches what she eats so as to avoid the constipation issues associated with the chemo drugs. Perhaps your mums appetite issues are not only the result of the cancer but also of being a bit depressed. Her Dr's keep asking her if she has any abdominal pain, which thankfully she does not. I pray this is not what we have to look forward to. Mom's next round of chemo is Friday - she seems to tolerate it fairly well but I can already see that as it builds in your system, it wears you down. The goal of her chemo is to keep her where she is right now since she hasn't had any symptoms and again, her appetite is good. My mom has been through a lot in her life so she seems to take a cancer diagnosis as just another test that God has given her. She completely understands the severity of it and is determined to do this on her own terms. She often refers to herself as "The Unsinkable Molly Brown".

I hope you have good family and friends to lean on and also who can help you out. How is mum tolerating her treatment?
Let us know and be well,
J-

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Mum2bellaandwilliam
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

Sorry we are meeting like this, I feel your pain and desperation , it is awful to begin with , but it will get easier and you will even have some laughs along the way!!!!
Mum was diagnosed may 2010, she displayed no symptoms , other than her tummy was very swollen and she looked about 8 months pregnant.
I took her straight ti her gp who did a ca125 test followed by a scan, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was advanced stage 3 high grade.
Mum had to have 3 lots of carbo taxol ,before the would operate,it was after the operation we were told it was actually PPC, she responded well initially and the ascites stopped and her ca125 dropped tp within normal levels she had her debulking surgery and the surgeon said he had removed all visible traces of the beast.she finished off her other 3 chemos ,had a ct scan at the end of the treatment, it showed the cancer had started growing again :(
Mum then went on to doxil , known in the uk as caeylx, her onc said with her grade of cancer it normally would only work for 3/4 cycles, however she managed to complete all 6 and it did hold it at bay.
After this mum went onto topotecan she did about 2 cycles of this , she then went to the hospital to be told that topo wasn't working for her , this was on the Monday , I believe she picked up the pneumonia that killed her that day.Topo made her blood so bad she could not fight off the pheumonia. Mum was dead by Wednesday evening, cancer did not kill mum chemo did, but I must add if she had not had the chemo she would have been dead a lot quicker.It is the risk everyone with cancer takes, if they pick up an infection it is a whole lot more serious for them , make sure your mum religiously takes her temp everyday , my mum was naughty I and know some day she didn't do it, I don't think she had for a few days before she went , I asked her the previous thursday because she said she felt rough , and she did it while I was on the phone, but knowing mum she didn't do it again , so please make sure she does it everyday, even if she feels fine and dandy!
Tell your mum to keep fighting , it is over whelming to start with. There are so many wonderful drugs to combat any bad side effete your mum may or may not experience.
When mum did her first lot of chemo, apart from loosing her hair she sailed through it. She suffered with doxil to start with , but we got her sorted with the right drugs and she sailed through it again.
It is a he'll of journey you and your mum are now about to embark on.please also remember don't look look at statistics , their is only one statistic that matters to you and that is your mum, and that statistic is 100%
feel free to ask me more if I haven't explained myself very well.

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Mum2bellaandwilliam
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

Please excuse my spelling I am on the iPad and it is a nightmare to type on!

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Dear Liz,

Thank you for your words of encourgement, it means so much. Mum is very bad today with severe back pain, i wonder is that a symptom of peritoneal cancer? All we can do is accept it now, and journey with her.

Once again, thank you, and all the best to you at this very difficult time in your life. I wonder also who I would run to if I didn't have mum around, they know us like no one ever will.
Take care and God bless, Mandy.

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Hi J,
thanks again for replying to me. Mum is on her sixth day post her first Chemo and still not feeling good. No appetite, exhausted and very bad back pain. I think all of these symptoms are more to do with Peritoneal Cancer than anything else though, but im not too sure. Im glad your mum was caught in time and please God it stays that way. My mum had Breast Cancer in 1997 also and fought a brilliant battle and I thank God every day that we still have her after it, even though the fourteen years since then only feels like fourteen months! We have alot to thank God for and we will journey this horrible road with my mum and will help her at every turn.
I am glad of this site and for people like you, who offer kind words at a scary time.
God bless you and I will pray for your mums health also.

Mandy.

Tina Brown's picture
Tina Brown
Posts: 1054
Joined: Nov 2009

Hiya I am so saddened to read your post. I have been away for a few months so I did not know about your sadness until now. I understand how you are feeling as I lost my mum to cancer 3 1/2 years ago.

I have always believed she is with me as I live my life and often talk to her when I am sad, frustrated, happy or confused. It is usually in my car and I pretend she is sitting in the passenger seat. It gives me a lot of comfort now.

Take care Tina xx

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Dear tina,
Thank u for ur post. I'm sorry u lost ur mum. Was it peritoneal cancer? What a crappy disease. I know nothing about it only it is wearing my mum down very fast. I would appreciate any tips on how to help her x
Mandy

Tina Brown's picture
Tina Brown
Posts: 1054
Joined: Nov 2009

It was nice of you to reply. Sadly I lost my mum to Bowel cancer with mets to the liver. It is me who has PPC. I was diagnosed a year after my mum died and my poorm Dad was so so upset.

Tips to help your mum; well from my own point of view I talk about my cancer so maybe your Mum would like to have a factual and frank discussion about what is happening to her. When my mum was on chemo and still relatively well I used to pick her up and we would go to the garden centre or shopping centre and have a lovely time browsing and shopping at her leisure. We would go for lunch and spend ages just talking. I would link arms and walk at her pace around the shops. My daughter and I do that now.

Just spend loads of time with your mum and talk, cuddle and laugh together. That is what I used to do with my mum and what I now do with my daughter.

Take care Tina xxxxxxxxxxxx

irish mandy
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Thank you tina. It's those kind of memories of life with ur mum that I hope to have. I'm so sorry you are fighting this disease, i hope you fight for many years to come. X
God bless you x

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