Dec 12, 2011 - 5:08 pm
My dear semi-colons,
I actually decided to stop posting in the fall but after reading Emily’s farewell post I feel I need to clear up a few things up and explain a few more before I bid farewell.
In my 8 years on this board I have never, I repeat NEVER, told anyone to stop or not to do chemo. When I decided to stop doing chemo back in 2004 it was by far the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I respect that it is for others as well and have always tried to make sure they understand the consequences of their decisions and are okay with it. The recent dig at Stephen Jobs was so uncalled for. The man did tons of research and knew exactly what he was doing. He lived almost 3 years longer than others with the same cancer do and I know he never regretted ANY of his choices/decisions. I just can’t understand why someone makes that kind of a nasty remark about a man who fought the beast on his own terms and was actually pretty successful given that his cancer was 100% fatal.
Also I have NEVER recommended a vegan diet to anyone. I’ve never gone completely vegan myself, so how could I tell anyone else to do it. In college and in the years since I have learned a great deal about the human body and believe in the benefits of the amino acids in protein especially now that I am working out several times a week. I did minimize my meat consumption for the months after I stopped chemo but that was to give my stomach and liver a break from the lengthy digestion time meat, especially red meat requires. I was detoxing and trying to get good “stuff” into my cells and immune system ASAP. I have never understood the repeated negative references to vegans the last year or so and quite honestly don’t want to. I do eat meat but just not the grain fed fattening and hormone/steroid/antibiotic laden kinds.
I decided to leave the board after a post in the fall that was the "icing on the cake". One of our own actually introduced himself as our “resident curmudgeon”! For the life of me I can’t understand why someone thinks a group of cancer survivors, their caregivers, families, and friends need or even want an ill-tempered person full of resentment and stubborn notions (definition of curmudgeon). That written remark may have been a “joke” but I have no clue why someone on a cancer support board would even want to think of themselves that way even in a joke. And I don’t want to.
I guess I just don’t get this whole social networking world of people that feel a need to give their opinions over and over and over again. I always thought experiences were much more important and helpful. And I guess I really don’t need all the attention that some others seem to need. I don’t understand why some feel like they have to be the “self appointed” board monitors, since CSN provides that service. I had enough of self serving monitors in elementary school. This board was always my safe place but it just doesn’t feel that way to me any longer.
My personal belief is that one of the most important things that we all should feel in our fight with the bastard cells is that we have no regrets, period. Give it your all, I don’t care how you do it, as long as it is okay with you. Who am I to judge anyone!!!
I’ve talked to few of my semi-colon buddies over the years when they knew their fate and listened to their regrets that they didn’t do more earlier in their diagnosis to help their bodies. Bud (nanuk) and Mark (Limey) specifically asked me to stay on this board and help others and I have tried to all this time. But I know they would not want me to do it if I ever felt uncomfortable or felt I was preventing others from getting support from this awesome place.
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I would like to share how wonderful this site was to me when I needed it the most. Those reading, especially the old-timers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and my eyes tear up with appreciation and warmth. Those of you up yonder “saving me a seat”, my love to you too, I am a much better person today knowing and having had you all in my life and my journey. I can’t find the words that appropriately express my gratitude, I don’t think there are any.
I have never wanted to negatively impact this amazing support site but feel like I have lately. A few here seem to bring out the worst in me and I don’t like how that makes me feel. I don’t need the board like I used to and don’t want to keep others from receiving the warmth and knowledge that resides here. So I am so hoping that with Emily and I both leaving that the stalking, baiting, and bullying stops and the unbiased, non-judgmental support, compassion, and respect remains.