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Sometimes family does not really understand

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jun 2010

When my son and I were talking the other day he informed me that he doesn't think it is a good idea for me to continue coming to this board. He says now that I am "good" it can only bring me down to read about others who are still in the battle or lose the fight. I tried to explain that we share everything on this board; the good the bad and the ugly.

I know he doesn't want me to even think about cancer while I am in remission. I don't think I can get him to understand how my life is forever changed. True I don't want to be defined by cancer but it is a fact of my life.

I told him it amazes me since I am such a worrywart that I can go on living each day knowing there is a chance for recurrence but not letting that interfere with my joy at being healthy and well. But of course I remain mindful that it may recur.

If I were a recovering alcoholic I would not stop attending AA meetings once I was sober. Or shouldn't. I am a weight watcher. I achieved lifetime status many years ago when I reached my goal. I gained the weight back and am currently attending meetings; trying to get back to goal. Weight Watcher's urges members to keep attending even after they reach their goal. Why? For continued support, of course.

I know my son would like to pretend none of this ever happened and will not happen again. Neither of us have that luxury but I feel cancer will become the elephant in the room if we cannot talk about it. But once again that is the value of this board. I know I can talk to all of you, like I am doing right now.

Thanks and love.

Karen

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1161
Joined: Nov 2010

we have only each other to talk to and ask questions or just vent. My family thinks my cancer is gone and will never come back. I know it will,adn when I says this I am po-pooed
No one know s what we have been through except us. I come to this board daily and if I can offer some advice or kinds words, I will.We have many new faces here and a lot of young girls. We give each other hope and we share our pain and sorrow,,,,that is what friends are for...val

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1264
Joined: Sep 2011

by this thing called ovarian cancer and I know the ladies on this board understand exactly what I've been through. Like you, Karen, I am currently NED but find so much comfort from this board. And like you and Val, if I can offer some support or words of advice, I'll jump in.

Take care,

Kelly

Susan53's picture
Susan53
Posts: 177
Joined: Jun 2011

Wow I think we all know that feeling. No matter how supportive our families are they have no idea how we need the support or the giving of support on this site. We receive a lot and give a lot and that is what it is all about. I know my husband and family members love to think that my cancer is gone for good and will not return. As survivors we know that anything is possible and we live with that everyday of our lives. The fear and worry does get better with time but it will never totally go away. I am with you Karen and Val we need each other to share with. Hugs Sharon

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

Our lives will be forever changed and I also live with an "elephant in the room"... :) If I didn't have this board, I'd think I was crazy... maybe crazier?

((((HUGS))) Maria

clamryn's picture
clamryn
Posts: 508
Joined: Jun 2010

Karen you are absolutely right. Some of my family really don't get it. I am so grateful for ALL of YOU. My daughter has told me that maybe I shouldn't come to this board because I have gotten depressed over those we have lost. But it is like we are all connected like tree limbs and we need each other. I have said things on this board that I would never say to my grown children. I don't want to upset them...yet I need to talk to somebody. I thank you all for being here.

((((Hugs)))))
Linda

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

Perfect!!! I also think we should be here those who are newly diagnosed and their families. I always remember how I was greeted when I first found this loving and supportive group and how much it meant to me.
(((HUGS))) Maria

Radioactive34's picture
Radioactive34
Posts: 387
Joined: May 2011

I love that...tree limbs. I was NED* late in October. I add the asterisk* to the NED, because it came with the caution that reocurrence is 80%. So, for the holidays my family was really partying it up. It had a manic feel, like it was the last Christmas together or the end of a horrific event that needed exorcising. Either way, I could not keep the 80% from circling my mind. I could not stick my head in the sand about it. Yet, I could not discuss the ramifications with my family.

The whole "if" thing is just too difficult for them. They see NED and think I am being morbid when I think about the 80%. Even though I plan to live until 300, lol, I will do so with the stats in the background. I need to plan for a long life but feel like I am living a shortened one.

Family really does not get it. I am planning to beat the odds, but damn those odds are just so high. The mortality clock got so much more louder once I got diagnosed. This board helps me deal with it.

Yup...my family does not understand or can't deal.

shelfish
Posts: 18
Joined: Sep 2011

Karen, from the prospective of a daughter with a parent who has cancer I understand that we just want to forget that our parents have gone throught this. But, I can totally see that this group is so supportive. You are forever changed and will never be the same. Be a light for all the others who are struggling. We want to hear stories from people who have beaten the odds and are in remission from stage IV. I am so happy for you. I know it hasn't been an easy journey I just hope my mom can be in that same category!
-Michelle

EnglishGal's picture
EnglishGal
Posts: 101
Joined: Jul 2011

Hi Karen, Certainly your son is looking out for you but how can he know what goes on through the minds and thought processes of all of us here and realize we all need one another? We are all here to help each other, and even though we are all devastated when certain of our teal sisters pass on, we need to know the bad as well as the good. I know myself that I am very glad I found this site. Hubby is fine with me coming here (I also attend another board) and friends think it is fascinating that I can go online for support.

I was going to a real life support group for a while but don't go as frequently now. I found whenever I did I would come home depressed. The meetings were generally "pity" parties and out of a group of 12 ladies, 9 were battling recurrences.

When I come here, even though some of the stories are sad, I do not feel depressed, something I cannot quite figure out. Go figure!

Ann

eward
Posts: 210
Joined: Feb 2010

As a daughter of a PPC/ovarian cancer survivor, I wonder often if I should do more to encourage my mom to join this board. I told her about the board and share information with her that I learn from all of you. She has not delved into this world. I see this as part of her personality, though. She is introspective and a bit to herself as it is.

For myself, I sometimes wonder if I should stay on the board. There are lots of ups and downs. I think for me, this board keeps it real. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at age 62. Like all of you, she did what she was supposed to in life and was pretty darn healthy at diagnosis. My mom had only 3 months out of the past 2.5 years OUT of chemo. I see her as super strong and beating the odds. I see many of you who are in remission for many years. You are super strong as well.

I think you know if this board helps you or hurts you. Just follow your heart.
Eileen

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 337
Joined: Jan 2012

I'm new to this board but I am really enjoying the posts and I have learned a lot already. In my opinion if you think you can help or encourage someone with your own experiences, then you should. If you feel you are getting depressed by visiting this site then maybe a break is all that is necessary. I know I have been encouraged.

Hen's picture
Hen
Posts: 14
Joined: Sep 2011

I married a widower whose wife died 6 weeks after her diagnosis of liver/pancreatic cancer so he's really gun shy about discussing my ovca - it seems to send him into a deep, sudden grouchy, sadness, and I've learned to avoid the topic as much as possible. (It's his issue, not mine.) Between my therapist, a few local ca survivor ladies and this board, I'm finding hope and learning lots of things I need to know to equip myself for this fight. It's wonderful to hear that so many have lots of family support, but the reality is that some of us have to rely on others for support and thoughtfulness. My sincerest thanks to all who post here.
Sharon

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