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caring for my mom with matastaic colon cancer

kittenluvscandy27's picture
kittenluvscandy27
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2011

I just joined this site and so glad there is one that exists. My mom was diagnosed on oct 14th with matastic coleteral cancer. I was by her side at the hospital from day one. We both cried when she was told, it was such a shock to us both and my family. She spent two weeks in the hospital undergoing tests and then a surgical procedure that would provide a little relief. It wasn't successful they found the cancer had fused together her lower intestine and her stomach. So upon discussion with the doctors and myself, she opted out of chemo treatments and is spending her remaining time under hospice care in my home with my family beside her. So I am now her primary caregiver through all this. It is now a month and a week later and she is declining much faster then I had ever thought she would. I am prepared for her passing but it is so hard to do everything for her and my household at times. I try not to let my emotions get to me, I am a strong person and have been told by many people that I am through all her care. But I know I will be seeking therapy after all this because I will have such a hard time adjusting to her absence for the rest of my life. She is my best friend and it breaks my heart to see my mom go through this knowing she will never be here to see my children and her grandchildren grow up. She has always been there for my family and I and now life without her is so unreal to me. I know she is dying and I know it will be sooner then I wanted to see her go, but I hope that she passes the way she told me she wants too. Pain free and in her sleep. Is there anyone else who is going through a tough time with there loved one , and if so how is it working for you?

ddpekks's picture
ddpekks
Posts: 162
Joined: Sep 2011

Welcome! I am very sorry you had to seek us out, but glad you did. We are all going through some form or other of what you are going through, at least enough to feel your pain.

We may not have answers for you, but we are a good sounding board and support group. We will hold you in our hearts when you need to scream, cry, yell, rant, rave or whatever the case may be. I was so alone before I found this site, but not any more. And we hope you will never feel alone again.

You sound strong and so does your Mother. Enjoy every single minute you can with her. Make memories to hold near you forever. And, think that there are people out there that never got that opportunity. Their loved one was taken suddenly by a bus or train or whatever. Hold her close and you will both benefit from it.

And come here to let it out. We are here for you.

Deb

womack1424
Posts: 38
Joined: May 2011

I just lost my 49 year old partner to metastatic colon cancer 1 month ago. She was in hospice for 5 weeks before she passed. Enjoy the good days, we had 4 consecutive days where she was cognisent and seemed to be herself, she planned her on funeral service, which was beautiful by the way. Share memories, laugh, tell her you love her. Some of our most special times were singing to her, really brought a smile to her face.
Although you may think you are prepared for her death, trust me you are not, I thought the same thing. You cannot understand the absence until you face it head on. On the therapy part, check with your hospice group, mine offers a free grief support group, I am going for the first time tomorrow.
You are strong now because you have to be but don't be afraid to be weak, you need to relieve that stress. I used to cry every time i took a a shower, because this is the only time I was alone during the day.
We had some tough days during the hospice, but her passing was peaceful and for that I am thankful, I wish the same for your mother. May God bless and keep you both close during these days.

Michelle

Reefhugger
Posts: 3
Joined: Dec 2011

My mom was also diagnosed stage 4 colon cancer in October. And I am also amazed at how quickly her health has diminished. But she chose chemo, and this week it just about killed her. I am currently sitting by her side in the hospital wearing a facemask because her platelets and WBC counts are so low. She is so frail.. It is really hard watching her deteriorate and I find myself wondering if aggressive treatment was worth it. She clearly will not be finishing the treatment she started on, and we are just in complete limbo. I know this may sound so incredibly twisted, but I almost envy you because you and your mother are at peace (as much peace as can be found in this awful situation, I guess). I understand my mom's will to try and fight, but at what cost? She may bounce back from this, but my hopes of that are so incredibly low right now. I just feel like I see her dying in front of me. I lost my dad 8 years ago, but of a sudden massive heart attack, so I did not have to watch him suffer. Now I sit here and see her get so mad because she needs help to get to the bathroom, can't speak, and is simply so weak. I feel your pain and I wish you all the strength and serenity in the world. That is a great picture of you and your mom, by the way. She looks so happy, and youthful. It is so sad when it just seems too soon for them to go. Best wishes and dont forget to take care of yourself too.
Jamie

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