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ritawaite13's picture
ritawaite13
Posts: 249
Joined: Aug 2011

I've been reading and posting on the Esophageal Cancer discussion board but I guess it's time I post something on here. My husband of almost 42 years died on October 24, 2011 - just 15 weeks after his cancer diagnosis. Nine days after his diagnosis, he suffered a severe stroke. It broke my heart to watch him work his butt off to recover his speech and his mobility after the stroke knowing he had this awful cancer that would more than likely take his life. He was 64 years old and I miss him so much. He was a hunter so typically he was gone a lot at this time of year anyway but this is so different. The other night I actually caught myself thinking he'd be calling soon to check in.
I have a wonderful family and lots of very supportive friends and I'm trying to keep very busy so I don't have too much time to think. It's just so hard. I was his caregiver and he passed away at home. He wanted his body donated for medical research so there was no funeral. We did have a wonderful Celebration of his life where about 450 people came to honor him. I don't sleep well or eat well and I think I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I know the holidays will be hard but they're coming anyway so I guess I'll just have to deal with it.
Thanks for letting me vent a little.
Rita

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1627
Joined: Aug 2009

I can't begin to offer words that will help you through this, but maybe knowing you are not alone can help. My husband died October 20, 2009 after a 6 year battle with cancer. We had been married just a bit over 42 years and he was 63. At first, it is more than difficult to adjust to this changed life. This isn't what we planned. We were supposed to grow old together. For me, time has helped. I still hurt but I am learning to live with it. Hang in there. I'm glad you have friends and family for support. The holidays will be rough. I think I went through my first holiday season alone in a fog. I even ran into the side of my own garage on Christmas Eve. Take care of yourself now. Hugs and prayers, Fay

njpatti
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2011

I'm also new here. My husband passed away June 2010 of AML at Jeane's hospital in Philadelphia. He was being treated by the Temple BMT Unit. He was only 53. They were the best nurses and doctors I've even met and won't ever forget how they also took care of me. I really feel for you and will be praying for you every day. I think talking about it is the most beneficial way of dealing with the grief. Holidays are always hard for me and not exception this year. So just know you are not alone.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Rita,
So sorry about your husband. I know how you're feeling. MY husband died on Mar. 25, 2010 after only being diagnosed in January. He actually hemmorraged from Avastin which he was given to help him. He also died at home in our bathroom so I have a terrible flashback many times after seeing him and feeling helpless cause I couldn't do anything. We were married for 46 years. the holidays are also hard, but try to make it through. I can't even put a tree up anymore cause it's just too hard.
So many if us have gone through this and I guess we'll have to be strong to make it through another year.
Please try & have a Happy Thanksgiving. God Bless you. "Carole"

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Rita,

You came to the right discussion board. We have all lost a loved one. My husband of 32 years died in June 2010 after a 15month battle with brain cancer. The first year was very hard, the second year is slightly easier. My children and I miss him very much. This grieving process stinks. I attended counseling, support groups, went on meds when I could not sleep or eat. I took advantage of whatever would help me deal with the sadness and loneliness. There are no shortcuts. Take care of yourself, seek help and come here often to vent and/or get support.
Becky

hart1249
Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 2011

My husband passed away October 5th 2011. He was 63 yrs old. He went to work on May 26th and was diagnosed that evening in the ER with Renal Cell Carcinoma. In July it had spread to the brain. This is a place none of us want to be. I keep trying each day to keep pressing forward. Don was my best friend and we were together nearly every minute we weren't working. The holidays will be difficult for both of us. I have my family... but I miss him so much! Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

ritawaite13's picture
ritawaite13
Posts: 249
Joined: Aug 2011

Thanks to all of you for your kind words. I hope and pray this gets easier as people say it will. My husband was a hunter so he was typically gone a lot this time of year. Last week when I was driving home one night I momentarily thought he might be calling to check in soon. I miss him so much.

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