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It's been 4 years but I still feel lonely..

JBrooks91
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2011

Every since I had cancer and went through treatment(summer of '07), it seems like it affects my relationships. Platonic and romantic. Is there anybody else that feels like this? I'm only 20 and I don't want to go the rest of my life feeling like this. I don't want this to sound sad or anything. I'm just curious as to how y'all cope with it?

Thank you,

Jordan

EmilyRTT
Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2011

Hi, Jordan,

I recently turned 22. It's been seven years since I was diagnosed, and I ask myself why I'm still so lonely nearly every day. I have had trouble with platonic relationships because my newer friends know about my past medical history but do not understand it and therefore tend to ignore the elephant in the room. It is frustrating when they don't understand the fear and guilt I've experienced. But, that may be my fault for not sharing.

As for romantic relationships, I didn't have any luck there before being diagnosed. I wish I had some advice or consolation on that part, but I don't.

In the end, I think it's what you make of it. Do you make a big deal of your experience? Do you forget it and repress it entirely? Are you comfortable with who you are?

I hope this has illuminated one side of your question, at least. Is there anything I may not have addressed?

Emily, one lonely cancer survivor

shinning_like_me's picture
shinning_like_me
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2013

WELL ITS THE FACT THAT ANY DISESASES MAKES YOU GET ALL THE SYMPATHY LOOKS AND MAKE YOU FEL GOOD FOR DSOMETIME BUT LATER U FEEL ALL IRRITATED WITH THOSE LAME SYMPATHY LOOKS AND IN ACTUAL NO ONWE HELPS. tHE LOVE OF LIFE SEEMS TO BE CARING BUT THE BODY MAKES YOU IRRITATED WITH EVERY SMALL BIT AROUND YOU I THINK.

Jamie_D
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2013

That is very true - the feeling that people pity you (whether they really do or not) is so detrimental to self-confidence. I'm guilty of feeling this way because, although everyone is different (hair / skin color, height/weight, etc.), I can't help feeling "extra different". 

I'm 24 and have had retinoblastoma since I was born. My eyes are rather unique and I'm blind in one of them. That being said, I'm so happy to be alive and have the gift of sight, make no mistake...but I know it's noticeable, so I hate when friends and family tell me it isn't. I can never really take a compliment seriously due to the whole "pity" issue. I'm also afraid of how a potential romantic relationship will be affected when I tell my story. How will the person think of me once she knows?

I could go on aand on about this topic as romance is what I want most at this point in my life. If you guys feel any of this, what we need to remember is that there is beauty in strength, and what we have endured is a true testament to how strong we are. 

I hope this helps. If any of you feel the same way, I'm always willing to listen.

- Jamie

closschumacher's picture
closschumacher
Posts: 4
Joined: Oct 2013

Ever since i had my surgery back in november 2009, i have had some paranoia and trust issues, which has lead me to not be able to establish romantic relationships. If you want to talk please let me know.

 

Cory

Aquagirl18
Posts: 45
Joined: Apr 2003

I know its hard but do your best to focus on what you enjoy and makes you happy.  Share how you feel with your family if you think it would help.  I am 35 and I have trust issues with people. I have been hurt mostly by those who I thought were friends and learned true friends ones who get you truly will remain steadfast and stay with you the same with the person you love and loves you back.  I am sorry to hear what you are going through.  I have to think carefully about who I choose as a friend and who I let know about my health history and issues as a result from my treatments.  I have learned that sometimes some people are only in your life as a friend or other for a period of time and then they change or something changes and they aren't the same anymore and you can't change it.   I worry about finding friends and relationships with people who are understanding and accepting of who I am.  You don't nessessarily need a lot of friends. Be friendly and be yourself. If you can find one person that gets you and cares about you then sometimes that can make all the difference.  Try to keep doing what you like and hopefully you will meet like people at- a church, social activity, or event etc.  Take a class and start just talking to people you think look friendly.  If someone chooses not to be your friend then its not your fault and keep looking.  I wish you all the best. 

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