Nov 14, 2011 - 8:31 pm
We just went through the worst year of our life, fighting and winning against colorectal cancer. We only had one more week of chemo, beginning today. After this we were ready to move on with our “new normal”, live our lives out the way we should. All the doctors were optimistic that he had won the war because he opted to have resection, perm colostomy, rectal removal and aggressive chemo/radiation. We were so excited that we planned an after chemo party for next weekend to celebrate.
Last Monday he went for a PET.
Today we got the results.
The colon cancer looks good, but he has liver, lung and prostate cancer.
I don’t think I can do this. Oh, I can be the good wife, I can be an excellent caregiver, I can do all the physical aspects of being the loving, caring partner. But I can’t watch him go through this. I can’t stand the physical pain he feels, the hurt in his eyes, the fear in his voice, the agony of it all. I want to run. I want to scream. I want to walk away from it all.
He is 71 and I am 61.....but I refuse to believe that we are old enough, that we've lived a while, that it's time to move on, make way for the young ones. We need more time. And I don't see that time is on our side............Dear God, I am so angry right now and I can't get it out.....I can't bury it........I can't control it.... Please help me because I can't stand the hurt.