Nov 10, 2011 - 1:25 pm
I lost my mom on September 15th. It is the hardest thing in my life. Early July, she has a little stomach pain, sharp pain, we went to ER and after waiting 14hrs, they tell us it's probably a cancer that spread. She had a mass in her pancreas, colon and metastatic a bit everywhere in her lungs.
They gave us an appointement a month later to actually see the oncology doctor (not the ER med) and I found it ridiculous that we had to wait 1 month before getting the real truth while my mom was in pain. I kept calling until I got and appointment 2 weeks later. When they announced the news it was so hard to take. I haven't been sleeping since July..
All I did is see my mom suffer, be in pain and not being able to help her. Everyday was a challenge. The doctors couldn't find a pill that will help ease her pain. After the first palliative chemo treatment, she got a diverticulitis which is an inflamation in the whole abdomen, we rushed to ER, she had to stay there 4 days in pain, without food or water until they healed the inflamation. Then she got 1 week off chemo. 3rd treatment, she got a little blockage where she couldn't go to the washroom anymore, and she was in tons of pain. Imagine not being able to go to the washroom for 10 days...her belly got huge, it seemed like her tumor got bigger too, we could actually see it, the big lump through her belly. 4 treatment, total blockage so they couldn't do it. She stayed in the hospital about 10 days, in pain, no food no water, only on IV. She was still concious. They tried everything, laxatives, washes, a mini operation and nothing...
On the weekend, she seemed fine, she had more energy, talked to visitor and even sat for a bit in the lobby so I decided to go home and rest. Next morning, she hadn't called like usual at 7am... I rushed to the hospital with my sister and cousin and we find her yelling in pain, with fever, sweating only to find out hours later that her colon ruptured. (We are convinced that the resident that morning that came to touch her belly caused the rupture, she told us taht the pain started as soon as he left her room).
Then, they started giving her morphine because there was nothing more they can do. I saw so many traumatising things like a brown foam coming out of her mouth while she was half awake, her breathing pattern change, her hands and feet become purpleish. I am still traumatised by everything I saw..
At the end, she died peacefully in my and my sister's arms. I'll never forget that moment. My life shattered to pieces...
I really hope she is in a better place but I miss her so much and don't know how I will be able to deal with all this. She didn't deserve it. She was such a nice person that always put everyone first. She didn't have an ounce of mean in her :( I am only 31 and my sister 26. We are not orphins and it hurts so much because we were all so close.....
My heart goes to the people that lived something similar, it's the worst pain ever... :(