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stopped by to say hi and update you all on Mark

KLScoville's picture
KLScoville
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi all,

Well my "titanic" is still sinking slowly. I haven't posted in a while due to the fact I have been taking care of hubby. He has been taking 3 ml of liquid morphine every two hours like clockwork..yes even in the middle of the night. Also taking 30 mg of methadone crushed up and put into his morphine. He stated to me on Friday that "he is going to go soon". Told the hospice nurses yesterday that he is 'almost' dead. Told an ex-coworker that just visited us that "he is on his way out". He hasn't taken as much morphine today which is fine according to the hospice nurse. Only thing I do have to do is take his blood sugar every 4 hours due to his diabetes (he doesn't want to die from that, just from the cancer!) I told her that I wasn't going to push him. He must be heading to the next realm of his journey and I am not going to 'make' him do anything as long as he is comfy. Which he is. She told me to just drip it into his mouth and I told her that I wasn't going to do that for fear of getting that look from him when he wakes up and realizes what I am doing. Also for the fear of him haunting me once he does pass. He is at peace and comfy and that is all that matters right now.

Yesterday I couldn't get away from him, he wanted me close which I didn't mind except when I had to pee. He still moaned for me to be touching him, holding his hand or him touching my leg. I love him and I am prepared (since it has been such a real slow process) to let him go and told him that too. I told him to "let go and let God", he won't be in any more pain.

I haven't left the house since he has been bed bound (actually a blow up mattress in the living room) and I really don't mind. I do go outside to let the dogs out and walk with them at night around the yard but that is the extent of my outings. My daughter and best friend (my adopted sister) have been a big help to me..going grocery shopping, etc. The hospice Chaplin has also been a great help with visiting daily and picking up his scripts for me. God Bless them all!!!! I don't know what I would do without them. Of course financially my mom and his brother have been making up for what SSDI only allows us. Thank God for them too!!!

Okay all, thanks for letting me share!!

Love to all!
~Kelly

ddpekks's picture
ddpekks
Posts: 162
Joined: Sep 2011

Kelly. I have been wondering how you are holding up. Very glad to hear that Mark is not in so much in pain. I know it's hard on you, but you are a real trooper and my hats off to you for your strength during this time of adversity. You and Mark had a beautiful life and I am so very glad he has you as he takes his final journey.

Please keep us posted and you will remain in my prayers with affection.

Deb

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2000
Joined: Aug 2011

Thank you for sharing, Kelly.
My heart goes out to you.

Big hugs,

Jim

Faithful_Angel's picture
Faithful_Angel
Posts: 88
Joined: May 2011

Kelly,
I haven't posted hardly at since my dad died but I've been lurking around looking for your posts. I find it difficult to deal with all the sadness cancer brings. But you are doing such a fabulous thing with your husband. I wish you much comfort and peace in this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

Valerie

LeeandShirley's picture
LeeandShirley
Posts: 122
Joined: Apr 2011

Kelly,
Thank you for your post and sharing your most difficult journey. You don't know how much it means to the rest of us who will follow in your footsteps; to share these days and the emotions you go through. You help show us the way. Thanks again and praying for peace for Mark and you.
Shirley

Noellesmom
Posts: 1291
Joined: Aug 2010

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I've been wondering how things are going.

Take care of yourself.

JackieA
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks for posting. This journey you are on is so familiar to me. I want you to know that you and your husband are certainly in my prayers. You are handling it so well, and that I am somewhat glad for you. My heart goes out to you today.

KLScoville's picture
KLScoville
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you everyone for your prayers, thoughts and well wishes! I am hoping that my husband goes in peace.

Also thank you for letting me vent and update. It is well appreciated!

~Kelly

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