Nov 09, 2011 - 11:17 am
Well my "titanic" is still sinking slowly. I haven't posted in a while due to the fact I have been taking care of hubby. He has been taking 3 ml of liquid morphine every two hours like clockwork..yes even in the middle of the night. Also taking 30 mg of methadone crushed up and put into his morphine. He stated to me on Friday that "he is going to go soon". Told the hospice nurses yesterday that he is 'almost' dead. Told an ex-coworker that just visited us that "he is on his way out". He hasn't taken as much morphine today which is fine according to the hospice nurse. Only thing I do have to do is take his blood sugar every 4 hours due to his diabetes (he doesn't want to die from that, just from the cancer!) I told her that I wasn't going to push him. He must be heading to the next realm of his journey and I am not going to 'make' him do anything as long as he is comfy. Which he is. She told me to just drip it into his mouth and I told her that I wasn't going to do that for fear of getting that look from him when he wakes up and realizes what I am doing. Also for the fear of him haunting me once he does pass. He is at peace and comfy and that is all that matters right now.
Yesterday I couldn't get away from him, he wanted me close which I didn't mind except when I had to pee. He still moaned for me to be touching him, holding his hand or him touching my leg. I love him and I am prepared (since it has been such a real slow process) to let him go and told him that too. I told him to "let go and let God", he won't be in any more pain.
I haven't left the house since he has been bed bound (actually a blow up mattress in the living room) and I really don't mind. I do go outside to let the dogs out and walk with them at night around the yard but that is the extent of my outings. My daughter and best friend (my adopted sister) have been a big help to me..going grocery shopping, etc. The hospice Chaplin has also been a great help with visiting daily and picking up his scripts for me. God Bless them all!!!! I don't know what I would do without them. Of course financially my mom and his brother have been making up for what SSDI only allows us. Thank God for them too!!!
Okay all, thanks for letting me share!!
Love to all!