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Adult Child looking for support

KindredChild
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2011

Hi All,
Not sure where to go but I am an adult child of a cancer patient. My mother was diagnosed with brain cancer in February and since then I've had a lot of difficulty reaching out and getting support from family and friends. I am not the type who can speak about such things openly, it's just too hard. I have chosen to not find out too much about my mother's specifics in regards to her disease. As I've told some people, I don't know enough about oncology, the only thing more information would give me is another way to worry. I'm the type that would google everything I could about the diagnosis and obsess over the bad and good stories. My parents have also not offered up this information freely and I feel that it is their choice as to what they want to tell me. My mother is doing well right now, she has gone through surgery, radiation, and has done different doses of chemo. She only had one bad side effect when the dose was quite high and she was also working in a trial treatment as well. My mother is a tiny woman and the medications took a toll on her blood numbers. But they changed the chemo and she did much better, though they now believe that the amount is too low and she is going to start chemo infusions once every two weeks.

I don't know quite what I want from being here. I guess I need a place to vent and hope that in doing so, it will alleviate many of the negative thoughts that I sometimes can not get out of my head. I have a tendency to allow the negative possibilities to snowball in my mind until I am crying and can not stop. This is not all the time but when it happens it is emotionally painful and draining. I am very close with my mother who is in her early 60s and very lively and active. To think of something like this taking her makes me hurt deeply. I also think about my father, her husband of nearly 42 years and how he will deal with everything. Like I said, she is doing well, she's not in pain, she's just slowed down a little. She goes out with friends, makes plans, laughs, cleans, cooks, nags, and works. If you met her, you might not even know she was going through this (perhaps aside from her kicky short haircut), so to think that something is lurking inside just upsets me even more.

I guess I do know what I want from posting this. I want to know that I am not the only one to think the negatives when you know they're not helpful. I want to know that there are others who find it easier to talk to strangers about their situation than their own family and friends. I want to know that I can express my thoughts about this awful situation without those around me feeling sorry or sadder because of it. I want to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that just because you're an adult, it doesn't mean you don't feel vulnerable when your parents go through something like this.

Thanks for letting me vent. I would any support you could give and I hope that I will be able to give back.

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 1840
Joined: Aug 2011

I'm sorry you have to be here but you will find a wealth of
support and good people on this site without judgement.

This journey is different for everyone, patient, caregiver and
loved ones alike. There are many things in common as well and
that's one of the benefits of the site. I have a learned a lot
just from reading posts as well as interacting with others.

Please don't worry about making others feel sadder or sorry about
this. We're here, listening and hopefully understanding and on
good occasions, giving good advice or options to consider.

You are certainly not alone here. You are still processing what
is going on and there is no right or wrong way to do that but to
process it. Please don't beat yourself up for having feelings - and
who says we have to be "adults" all the time? ;) We are all vulnerable.

You are welcome and have permission to vent, rave, rant, cry, laugh, hug,
and whatever you like here as long as it is not offensive.

But please don't pull your hair out - enough of us here have
already lost that :).

Others will chime in shortly. I just wanted you to know we are listening.

Big hugs,

Jim

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