Oct 09, 2011 - 11:47 pm
I don't know quite what I want from being here. I guess I need a place to vent and hope that in doing so, it will alleviate many of the negative thoughts that I sometimes can not get out of my head. I have a tendency to allow the negative possibilities to snowball in my mind until I am crying and can not stop. This is not all the time but when it happens it is emotionally painful and draining. I am very close with my mother who is in her early 60s and very lively and active. To think of something like this taking her makes me hurt deeply. I also think about my father, her husband of nearly 42 years and how he will deal with everything. Like I said, she is doing well, she's not in pain, she's just slowed down a little. She goes out with friends, makes plans, laughs, cleans, cooks, nags, and works. If you met her, you might not even know she was going through this (perhaps aside from her kicky short haircut), so to think that something is lurking inside just upsets me even more.
I guess I do know what I want from posting this. I want to know that I am not the only one to think the negatives when you know they're not helpful. I want to know that there are others who find it easier to talk to strangers about their situation than their own family and friends. I want to know that I can express my thoughts about this awful situation without those around me feeling sorry or sadder because of it. I want to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that just because you're an adult, it doesn't mean you don't feel vulnerable when your parents go through something like this.
Thanks for letting me vent. I would any support you could give and I hope that I will be able to give back.