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I don.t know what to do next

Geri1959
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2011

My husband was diagnosed in May 2011 and passed away October 5 2011, what do I do now,I want to clean out his clost I want to do it today, but I am scared that I may regreat it and at the same time I don;t like all the reminders I don;t need clothes to remind me of him. I don;t know what to next

dianelynn41's picture
dianelynn41
Posts: 71
Joined: Jan 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through. When my Dad passed away a few years ago some ladies told my mother that she should go through my Dad's things as soon as possible, keep what you what you to for keepsakes. They also told her to rearrange furniture, get rid of anything that reminded her of his sick days so she could just remember the good times. That's what she did and she was glad she did it, they told her putting it off would make it harder to do. These ladies were widoes themselves so they spoke through experience.

Sounds like you should follow your instincts.

Good luck and God Bless you.
Diane

Noellesmom
Posts: 1270
Joined: Aug 2010

Just because you box up his things doesn't mean you have to get rid of them, Geri.

It is very early for you to get rid of anything. Take your time and do it your way.

Hugs.

ladydig
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2011

I just lost my husband on Oct 3. 2011 I have given a few clothes to pass on to his brothers and a few to the kids like sweatshirts etc. there is an organization here in town that is going to make a quilt for each of my kids with t-shirts and anything I want to use so I am using different types of clothes-you may think of something like that. I would suggest you boxing things up and keeping them for a while til you know for sure you can part with them. I talked to a friend of mine whose son passed away almost three years ago and they still have his clothes. there is no right or wrong here-it is your decision for sure!

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

My husband passed away two years ago this month so I, too, have been where you are. First let me say that each of us must grieve in our own time and way. What may be right for others may not be right for you. In other words, I don't have any words of wisdom. Your grief is still very new. It is normal not to know what you want to do. I did change some things and got rid of some things early on. Other things I have kept. Some things I have just now parted with. Don't do anything you aren't ready to do. If you are unsure, wait. I have two grown sons and we did some sorting together. That made things a bit easier. In the end, you need to decide what you want to do next. Since you may very well be suffering from the fog of grief (a term I found in a book that helped me) you may not be able to make any final decisions yet. That's ok. This is a whole new world for you. Indecision, confusion, fear, and a bunch of other things are perfectly normal. I can give you some reassurance that time does help. It doesn't really heal our broken hearts, but we do learn to live with it. The pain eases. We learn to really cherish the memories and move forward one baby step at a time. Take care, Fay

hart1249
Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 2011

My husband was diagnosed May 26, 2011 and passed away October 5, 2011. I'm in the same place you are. I immediately started removing somethings. He came home from the hospital with Hospice. I was told 4-6 weeks. He only made 30 hours. I didn't know what to do and started immediately cleaning up and getting rid of the medical stuff, cleaned out the bathroom. I'm sorry I was so hasty. I think it was just nervous energy and shock. Still haven't touched his side of the closet or the drawers. The garage is a nightmare. I can just hear him hollering down from heaven "No BABY!!!! We may need that sometime." My heart goes out to you. This is the most difficult journey I've ever been on. But I promised him I would be OK. Now I've just got to figure out the "when" and the "how".
God Bless You and give you strength and comfort!

Geri1959
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2011

thankyou for your replies, my heart goes out to each and everyone, my husband was only 50 we had plans, we just sold out 4000 sq ft house the 5 kids move out, we bought a 2000 sq home we knew it was still to big for us but we looked at it as a rest, for about 3 years to just enjoy life, then we would buy a smaller place and travel. We moved in in Begining of May he was diagnosed May 28th 2011 Now all the plans are gone.. however when I think of Michael I Know he is happy !!! he did not suffer long and for that we are all greatful. So I have decided to go back to work Nov 2 less then a month after my Angel passed, I hope I will be okay. Hart249 what kind of cancer did your husband have ?

hart1249
Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 2011

Geri, my Don was diagnosed with Kidney cancer May 26th. He had a kidney removed June 3rd. We were told it was confined to the kidney and he didn't need further treatment. In July he was unable to speak. They ran tests and found the cancer had spread to his brain. 4 lesions. Not operable and the did 15 whole brain radiation treatments with a plan for chemo 3 weeks after radiation was over. In August he had another episode with a seizure this time. They gave him steroids and chemo. End of September I woke up at 4:00 am to find him out of bed having trouble breathing. We called 911. The new tests showed it was now in his lungs. Brought him home from the hospital with 2-3 months according to the dr. We were home 30 hours when he passed away. He never even said good bye. It was so fast. The day before he had breakfast, we laughed and talked, and then it was over! My heart goes out to you because I know how mine is breaking. Yesterday I had a tough day. Emotions were very close to the eyelids. Some days are ok. Today was a better day. I miss him so much. If you would like to share your story with me I'd love to hear it. God Bless You and give you peace and comfort...

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Geri,
So sorry about your loss. Don't be in a hurry to get rid of your hubbys clothes. Mine passed away 18 months ago. My sons & grandson took some of his shirts, but I still have alot of things of his. Doing a little at a time is easier I think. They are reminders, but that's all I have left. It's so hard even hearing a song that we both liked or going to a restaurant that we used to go to, but we have to move on a little at a time.
So just take your time cause you lost him pretty quick like I did so there isn't any need to rush. Carole

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