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No more Chemo

skwilliams
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2011

My finacee has decided that he will not have any more chemo, even if it might be his best chance. He had a terrible and very long first round of chemo and it was so hard on him and I know he felt more terrible than I could ever know, especially because the cancer clinic would not prescribe any nausea or pain meds because we are too poor.
How can I disagree with him? I can't, it's his choice, not mine, I did not feel his bones aching, unable to uncurl from a fetal position, I was there for all of it, but that pain wasn't mine, the vomiting, the weight loss the radiation burns, I was there, for every minute of it, bt that pain wasn't mine either.

I don't want to lose him. dear god I don't want to lose him. I'm trying to be ok, with it, I'm trying to understand. my heart feels like it's breaking. but I feel like it would be worse if he accepted treatment that he did not want out of a sense of guilt or obligation to me. I hate cancer.

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

SK, there are no right answers, but right now I have to respect and agree with your fiancee. My mother opted to stop further treatment a little more than a month ago, and though it means she is to expect "only a few short months," she feels great -- better than she has in a year. The chemo drugs (some oral) were hitting her way worse than she thought. She says even if it all falls apart tomorrow, she will be glad she had this past month of feeling good enough to live her life.

I know your guy wishes he could be all better for you, but he can't. This may be the next best thing for both of you.

Hugs hon. Ain't nothing good about this kind of hurting.

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2025
Joined: Aug 2011

SK,

The clinic wouldn't prescribe pain and nausea meds? Was that during treatment
or for after? That sounds horribly wrong to me.

I would also think if you can't afford them, you may able to get assistance for that.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

Hugs,

Jim

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2010

The "best" antinausea chemo drugs are really expensive - they also don't work for everyone. Some of the older, cheap drugs work almost as well - please ask about a combo of Reglan and Dexamethasone. Both are available in generics and the combo works well (doctors moved away from it in favor of the expensive drugs because Dex can mask symptoms of infection).

We have health insurance, but the expensive drugs didn't work for us. The Reglan/Dex combo did, and I was lucky my doctors were willing to take a chance.

I can understand why they can't order the expensive stuff, but he shouldn't have to suffer without anything.

My husband also chose to cut chemo short, and the doctors agreed. In his case, he'd passed the minimum amount suggested, so we just hoped that it was enough. So far, so good.

Lastly, what would they offer him during the next chemo if y'all could afford it? Some folks might have extras - I don't think we do, but I'll check the supplies if you'll give me a name.

bkmils
Posts: 8
Joined: Sep 2011

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your fiance and I know it's not easy to see your loved one suffer. I'm not sure where he's going for treatment or where you live but perhaps you may want to look into Cancer Treatment Center of America. My mom received Chemo and radiation there and has received the best care there. They gave her prescription for many of the side affects (before treatment started!!) Perhaps they have a financial assistance program to help pay for the medication? It doesn't hurt to ask...

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