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Sad please anyone help me...

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

Today I found out that my mother's Bone Metastasis has progressed. I have not told her as she doesn't understand english that well but I did tell my dad and we are devastated. My mom had stage IV Thyroid Cancer was caught late in the game because of a misdiagnosis and after a year, she got bone metastatis lesions on her hip. She had a hip replacement in May and kept complaining of so much pain on her left upper back side. We brought her for her bone scan this past Friday and today I got the results that she has lesions there as well and that her cancer has progressed. This is all I think about, I am sick to my stomach about it and try to hide it from my kids and husband. I am always sad and I can't get out of this feeling I have, like I'm in another planet or something. I don't know how to help her pain. Pain killers aren't working so now they are suggesting Bone injeciton to strengthen her bones and it helps reduce the pain. She is so tiny now and fragile - she was so outgoing. I am sad, I think about death way to often. She just called me as she told me did the doctor tell you anything and I told her no. This doctor was her Endocrinologist. This Monday we will go to her Oncologist and I know he will tell her and it will destroy her. A part of me is going with her. I'm 40 and cry for my mom. I love her so much, she has given the world to me and my sister. I don't want her to die. I hate cancer, I am sorry for everyone that has this awful disease. I have had counselling and really doesn't help because what they tell me is what I already know but can't listen. Please is anyone going through this with a parent whom they love and can't picture life without. I know everyone on this site is going through this but I don't know what to do. thank you for your time.

alexandria54
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Teena, thank you for asking about me. I have had a couple of emails with Phyllis over the last week but have been too busy for much more. As of last thursday my sister is in the hospital waiting to be placed somewhere inpatient for the duration. She kept falling down and no matter what we did we couldn't stop it. I had to spend the night at her apartment with her on Wednesday and it was a house of horrors. Her head injury makes everything 10 times more difficult cause she is crazy. She won't let you help her walk but she'll sure let you help her up when she falls down. I couldn't watch it anymore and I called the social worker and said "I am not asking, I'm begging, for help." I told them that I could not spend another night in her apartment and that I thought I was actually going to have a heart attack. People came on board and now she is in the hospital waiting for placement. I had immediate relief knowing she would be safe but that didn't last cause now I am obsessed with it. My other sister (the one on chemo) and I can think of nothing else. It has us in its grip and it is making it hard to function. I am sad, mad, guilty, just plain consumed. When she got to the hospital and they washed her and hydrated her and got her meds in order she actually perked up a little and the sick thing, please forgive me, is I didn't want her to perk up. For anyone reading this please don't think I don't respect human life. If you could walk in my shoes for a day or week you would understand my thinking. Today, I will go to sit with her at the hospital for the whole afternoon again but you cannot have normal discourse with her. She is just so difficult. And when she is not difficult she is just random. The agency that is getting her on medicaid is coming to the hospital tomorrow to evaluate her and decide where to place her. I want her to go to hospice but they are saying they may temporarily put her in adult foster care. I was up half the night last night agonizing over this. I am praying so hard that she just gets put in the facility where I think she belongs. Then I realize that I have to accept that I begged them for help and they are helping and I cannot question the manner in which they are providing that help. Oh Tina! Thank you for letting me vomit this all over the place. My family is in a tailspin. I'm worried about my other sister getting sick while on chemo and the effect that will have. I need to lay down my burden. I need to find a way to put it in God's hands. I'm trying but it is so hard. And believe me, I have total faith in the fact that I have done everything a sister can. I hope you are okay Tina. Get back to me when you can. Love, Nadine

alexandria54
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Tina, I just wanted you to know that I had a good day with my sister today and have found some equilibrium tonight. I am going to cook my husband a nice dinner which I haven't done in quite some time. Poor thing is living like a bachelor. I am calm and will find out tomorrow where they think she should be placed. Please pray for us that it is the inpatient hospice and not an adult foster home. I don't usually pray for things but I am praying for this result so hard. Please join me. I hope you are okay my dear. I'm sorry to burden you. Please tell me about what's going on with you. xoxox

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

Did you find out yet where your sister will be going? I have been praying for you and your family every night. I am relieved that you have found some calmness to this nightmare as I was so worried about you. I am doing ok alittle sick got pneumonia but i'm better now. I was calm for the past week but it's acting up again the anxiety and frightness for my mom. I hope you and your husband had a nice dinner. I send you strength and love.

alexandria54
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Tina, to think of Anne worried about us makes me cry. I will be praying so hard for you and her tonight. They are moving my sister to an assisted living studio. I don't know how long that will last but I'm glad it's not Adult Foster Care. No offense to anyone but with her head injury she must have privacy and a remote for the t.v.. We will see how it goes and I have put everything into the caregivers/social workers hands. They were so there when I needed them and I will do whatever they say. We will get her moved tomorrow so it will be another long day for me but it has to be. Tonight she is happy in her hospital room watching Dancing with the Stars and she is well medicated so I am just breathing and taking this moment for what it is. Peace. I swear she is so stubborn, I don't think anyone would still be going except her. I am there for you and thinking of you. Sleep well sister. Love, Nadine

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

I feel like a complete idiot when I complain about a cough or not feeling well. Here is our dear friend going through h*ll and she is praying for us. I am so grateful to you and her for lifting me up in the worst of times. I truly wish we were all closer so we could get together (actually I probably wouldn't even be able to as I never have a free minute) BUT no I would find the time. I am glad you had some peace last night and your sister is a fighter and doesn't want to let go at all but it will help you that hse's in an assisted living studio and i'm glad she is not in adult foster care. I had never heard of this before. I know today will be an extremely long and tiresome day but I will send you good vibes and prayers to you and your family. take care my sweet Nadine, god bless you for the person you are and I am forever thankful to this site for helping us connect. xoxo Tina

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

Do you not realize that having both of you as friends hearing your problems and being able to pray for you helps me because it get my mind off of my cancer and treatment for once it not all about me. I am glad I have connected with you two wonderful women and I know your both are always lifting me up in prays please don't stop telling me when you are not feeling well or when you are having a hard day I want to be there for you I will tell you if it becomes to much I love you both have a great night.

Anne

alexandria54
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Oh Anne, you put a smile on my face this morning. My sister got put in assisted living yesterday and I purposely stayed away and let her adjust and let them do their job. I must create a distance between us in a healthy way because I realized something two days ago and that is that I have become totally codependent with my sister. Not a good thing. It's actually making me sick, physically and mentally, so I'm getting help with that with my therapist. I am so proud of my other sister with breast cancer. She had her infusion yesterday and there was a lovely woman there who looked healthy and pretty but her breast cancer had gone to the liver and she told the nurse she wasn't taking the infusion. She wanted to give up. When the nurse walked away the woman struck up conversation with my lovely sister and she asked her what she would do and Tracey said, "my daughter and grandson would hog tie me and drag me in here so giving up is not an option for me." She then said to the woman "you look so beautiful and healthy, don't you want to find out if there is a miracle waiting for you?" Long story short, the woman called the nurse and took her infusion and my sister has a new friend. I love this story. I have to go now to go to my therapist before work. I have so many people praying for me and two new friends in Tina and Phyllis and it's keeping me going. I know it's corny but you all are the wind beneath my wings. Thank God. love, nadine

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

First I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sooooooooo proud of your sister. She did an amazing deed and it will not go unnoted. The good lord will take care of her. Nadine, I am glad you have put some distance with your other sister. I know it is extremely hard but you have to for your own health.. This past week I have been on sick leave from work with Pneumonia. My body took a beating this past month with my mom's results and this is it's reaction. I am taking antibiotics and feel pretty weak but I will get better, it is no comparison with what our families with Cancer are going through. You have to take care of yourself for your family. I can strongly relate to how you were feeling these past few weeks and I almost flipped out emotionally - actually not almost I think I did. Good nite Nadine, god be with you and your family and I pray for you's every night. luv ya Tina

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

It sounds like you finally found hope in what your sisters are going through and sometimes that hope can change our lives. I am glad you are stepping away and letting the nurses help your sister with the brain injury you can only help so much before it takes a toll on you. It sounds like your other sister is going to be a good friend to her new friend together they can fight. My chemo is done in a room by myself which is fine for me because I am a little shy around people I do not know. You sound so much better today I am very happy for you. You are always in my prays

Love
Anne

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

2 smiles for my 2 amazing wonderful friends. I will tell you how I'm feeling Anne always. I am getting a bit better and trying to take it easy. This pneumonia has knocked the wind out of me. I hope you are doing better today. I was wondering this past week why the Oncologist hasn't put my mom on Chemo - I wonder if Chemo does not help with bone mets? Would you know? They are giving my mom an IV drip every 3 months to try to regenerate the bones but I wonder about chemo. I can't ask her Oncologist about Chemo because there's no way she could handle this talk. I wonder if it is because she's too weak? too much wondering.... Have a great night and praying for you every nite. luv you!

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

there could be many reasons why her onc has not started chemo I would ask. Since I do not have cancer in my bones I am not sure how they treat it. They had to start me on chemo right away because I was truly dieing inside. The path report showed that I already had tissue dieing inside me. I did not realize how close to death I was because I was working fourty to fifty hours a week and then all of the sudden in the hospital. So there was no waiting for chemo for me or I would have died. Talk with her ONC and see what their plans are for your mom regarding treatments.

Anne

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

I cannot believe all that you have been through Anne and I am so relieved that the chemo has worked for you. I know you've told me it's made you the person you are today, but no person should have to go through the things you have gone through and I know god is watching over you always. I wish they had caught your cancer sooner but this is the wish of many I know - you are in remission now and you will keep it up. I will pray hard for you on Thursday and when you can let me know how things go. Luv you Anne and eternally grateful for all you do for me.

bubblegumx3
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2011

i'm 20 and my mom has stage 4 primary liver cancer. doctors told us yesterday that she may not make the night and is on her last days. i'm happy that you and your mom atleast had 20 more years than i did. All i wanted was for my mom to watch me gradate college, rate my boyfriends, watch me get married and be a grandma to my children. i guess that was too much to hope for. i dont know how im going to cope with this. stay strong, because there are many people who are going through similar situations as you are.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1383
Joined: Aug 2010

You are not alone, either. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs.

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

I am praying for you and your mom/family. I am deeply sorry that you are going through this and wish I could take the pain away from many. I know there are many people going through what I am going and I do my best to stay strong, it's not the easiest as you know as well.

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

You will be in my prays it does seem unfair why some servive this beast and some don't. I will keep you all in my prays as this seems like an unfair thing.

Anne

madsters1
Posts: 120
Joined: Oct 2011

I am SO sorry to hear about your moms diagnosis. I cannot imagine standing where you stand.And yet more than likely one day I will. To watch someone you love suffer and in your heart of hearts know that what you're seeing is the possible beginning of the end is really rough. Please remember what a dear elderly lady once said," none of us will get out of this world alive." What you will see is like a baby being born, a soul squirming it's way out of it's earthly body. If we know Jesus Christ as OUR Saviour, we will leave this life and have everlasting life with Him waiting for us.
I have been newly diagnosed with breast cancer. I have to tell you that I would definately want to know about my own health. It's most certainly your decision, but she has the right to know so that she can be prepared emotionally and in all other ways for whatever lies ahead. My heart goes out to you. God bless you in your decision and journey.

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

Thank you for your kind beautiful words. I as well would want to know about my health but if you would meet my mom, you would understand why this is the best decision we could make for her. She knows she is ill but not to the full extent. My mom is a very panicky, anxious women, she has always been this way and to tell her full details of her health would literally destroy her and possibly kill her that way. She would give up. I have spoken to doctor's, oncologist and they feel this is best for her as well. She doesn't need to know every detail that her bones are being somewhat eaten by cancer. It is extremely hard to tell her everyday when she asks 'will I get better' and I say yes momma you will get better but it gives her hope and light in her eyes. What keeps me going is to believe that there is a beautiful peaceful life called heaven and that when it's our time, we can see our loved one's below. I love my mom with every part of me and I do whatever I can for her. I will pray for you and wish you the absolute best.

alexandria54
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Tina, thank you for your beautiful words as always. I swear I am losing my mind. We are all losing our minds and until you are going through it with a family member, or God forbid, yourself, you just don't get it. These stories on this site help me and I am praying all the time. Sometimes I feel so crazy I'm actually embarrassed! I always thought I was the sanest person going. Every story is a little different but the suffering is all the same. We are all doing the best we can and somehow we'll get through. At least I'm hoping so. Tina, I am so sorry you have been sick. Please get well, we need you!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo and P.S. I am there for you! And Bubblegum3, I'll put you in my prayers as well.

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

I truly lost my sanity on NOvember 17 2010 as this is the day my mom's doctor called me at work to advise me that my mom now has bone metastasis from her thyroid cancer. My reaction was complete loss of control shaking crying hysterically and picturing her funeral. It is almost a year later and really my sanity has not improved but with the help of you, Anne and this site, I have been able to cope some times. My body has reacted now so it has scared me because like anyone I cannot afford to be sick and I have to be well for my 3 young boys and my amazing wonderful husband. I also have to be well for my ailing mom to give her the injections daily. I now talk to myself when I feel myself loosing control which is hmmm maybe every other hour and I say STOP or you will get yourself worse. Helps a little but not fully. I'm just babbling now I think... I hope your sister is settled and you are keeping some space for yourself and your immediate family. I hope you are finding strength. I am constantly praying for all of us. Last night I felt awful so I just said GOD HELP US ALL PLEASE. xoxo You can always write to me on e mail as well. Wishing you a good day.

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I don't think anyone with or who is helping someone with cancer has any sanity left. It take so much out of use as we fight or helpping some one fight so keeping our sanity is the last thing we can worry about. It's a fight even if you are not the one fighting you are helpping your mom (or sister) fight so hard and I tell people all the time my mom was not the one told you have cancer but because she is helpping me it is like she has it also. Don't worry about your sanity we can find it later when we are all done with this fight lol.

Anne

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