Sep 19, 2011 - 8:47 pm
As I sit here and type my husband is in bed sleeping again. Every morning is a blessing he gets out of bed and talks to me for the short time before he goes back to bed. The pain has increased and has kept him in bed for most of the day these past few days. As I put him to bed tonight I told him to never forget that I love him and he said that is permanately placed in his mind! I wish there was a way I could put the tv in the bedroom for him so he can stay and be comfortable in there because there is going to be a time to where he will be staying in here most of the time. As basically he is already. I am trying to keep him as comfortable as I can. He still has his sense about him (to a point) but not as he use to be. His appetite is basically gone but being a diabetic he does still have to have some nutrition in him and he realizes that. So he sucks down a Glucerna or two. But I will not force him to eat as I was told not to since he is in the pre-active stages of dying.
I don't want him to leave me but if it is God's will it is acceptable. He is very happy that I am currently unemployed and stay with him all the time. I mean in order for us to survive, I do leave the house for our errands but they don't last too long so I am home before he knows that I left (stores aren't that very far away). When I told him that the hospice nurses wouldn't be coming last Friday, He said he "doesn't need them, he only needs his sweet wife cause she takes great care of him". I told him I try.
Well as I sit and watch Monday night football (I am a big football fan) I will be waking up my husband in about 45 minutes so he can have his liquid morphine and he wants to see a bit of the game. It was truly a blessing yesterday when he stayed up most of the first games yesterday with me! Both of our teams won which made our day better. I am a Steelers fan and my husband is a Browns fan, talk about rivalry! It has its humorous moments during football season around here. That I will surely miss! When a person is in the pre-active stages of dying, pay attention to them and what they are saying. I am and like I stated, I am blessed for every day and every tomorrow I have with my husband since he stated to me that "he only has days left". A month ago, he was in denial and said he was going to be around for years to come.
I do have to vent though: THIS SUCKS!!! I HATE THE FACT THAT CANCER IS TAKING MY HUSBAND AWAY FROM ME!!!!
Thanks for listening and letting me talk and vent!