Feeling completely washed-up, hopeless and angry after dealing with cancer diagnosis for 4 years.
My husband's cancer was first diagnosed when I was 7 weeks pregnant with our 1st baby, and (with a brief interlude of believing it was gone), the terminal cancer diagnosis was given when I was 9 weeks pregnant with our second. We coped pretty well with the situation for the first couple of years, living in the moment and appreciating the good times etc. But as time has gone on (and I know I am incredibly lucky he is still here, it is already much longer than the prognosis), but I am starting to really feel the strain. I am quick to fall into the sad pattern, react too often with anger. I feel resentful that I cannot plan and dream about the future, and the Cancer has made decisions for us (like having more kids). I just want to be 'normal' for a while, and somebody to be able to tell me "everything will be alright".
I know I should "look after myself", but it is hard to find time, with 2 energetic young girls. And I feel guilty when I can only imagine how hard it is for my husband. I do my best to look after him and his feelings, but sometimes I really wish someone would look after me too. And I keep thinking it can only get worse, before long (who knows when), he won't even be here.
I hate the powerless feeling of being the spouse of Cancer. I am tired of being the last priority.