Sep 10, 2011 - 2:29 am
May 27th, 2011, husband - melanoma
No matter what I do, think about or don't think about I'm in "no man's land". If I try to forget then I'm lost, not sure what to do with myself, with my life. If I start to think about what I've lost then I'm sunk...
I was mowing the lawn and broke the sprinkler pipe, I was so damn angry... I couldn't water until I fixed it and it's been so hot here lately. I'm trying to keep up with my house and yard. Nobody around. I remembered all the tubs of parts in the garage... I remember kind of how he did it... pissed to the gills I turned off the water, dug up the dirt around the pipe, found a wrench, found a new water pipe and started crying and then just got madder. Yes... I fixed it and Yes... I am ANGRY!
SOOOOOO.... I made a call to Hospice, they have classes on grieving starting and I'm going. My husband didn't even have time to use hospice! But I'm going anyway. No... I did not want to even admit I needed the help. This is not my "cup of tea". I'm quiet, shy and private. I was taught to "handle" my problems in private... I tell you, I'm having a hard time of it. When I tried to explain my feelings to someone else (at work) they just said "you're not really mad at Bob"...
Well... honey, yes... I am really mad at Bob! You bet I am! There! It's out there and I'm don't feel bad for saying it! I just wish he was still here to fix that damn pipe!
That's all I have to say... I will let you know how the class goes next week.