Aug 23, 2011 - 11:08 pm
omg i cant believe that i just realized that there is a caregivers forum!
my name is lani im 21 years old i work full time and im in my senior year of college. I have always thought of myself as a good person yet i feel like im being punished. When i was 19 years old i witnessed my aunt pass from lymphoma. I was her caretaker for a very short time due to the fact that she hid her cancer from us.
3 months ago my 74 year old grandmother was diagnosed with advanced stage 3 t cell lymphoma. i am her caretaker and this time im fighting this like if i had it. because of her age she was ordered 6 rounds of chemo. one every month.
but after the 1st chemo things have gotten progressively horrible. my grandmother is no longer able to walk on her own. this is a woman that has never been sick before. she can no longer walk alone nor can she pick up a cup of water she has to be spoon feed. the doctor suspects that she is stage four because of how fragile her bones have gotten.
i wish that there was more that i can do. im giving this fight everything i got and i feel like its not enough. the woman that read me bedtime stories and thought me how to walk in heels in slowly leaving me and this online forum full of strangers is the only place where i can vent.
i know this is my battle. and im usually strong. but i just have days where i want to be 10 again where i can cry and nobody tells me that i have to stay strong because i hold this family down. i just want for it to be ok for me to cry too.