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Scared....

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 569
Joined: Jul 2011

I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots! All of a sudden I am scared to death! I report to MDA on Tuesday week and every thing is suddenly real. I have cancer. I do not know what stage. I do not know what the treatments will be. I don't even know if it has been caught in time to really do any thing about it! I cared for my husband at home while he died from cancer, I was in my late 30s then and it was so hard to watch him. I am my Mom,s caregiver as she has cancer (my brother is taking over) and this morning I realized that I too may be ill for awhile. NOT complaining about my life, I have been blessed in so very many ways, just scared and needing to "talk" to someone...........

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 517
Joined: Jun 2011

Take a deep breath Lorikat. You'll be okay.
Yes, you have cancer, but you have a very curable cancer.
You're in for a few rough months, but things are gonna be okay.

After I first found out, I would wake up with what I called the 'dark' feelings. Much like what you described. My oncologist prescribed Xanax (which I had never taken before, or anything like it) and it helped keep those dark feelings at bay. You may want to ask for something like that - something to relieve the anxiety. The anxiety is perfectly normal and having something to help with it is ok.

You've been through a lot and are now going through even more.
Deep breath - it's gonna be okay.

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 569
Joined: Jul 2011

Call into Doctor for anxiety meds. He said I might need some but I thought I was tough. Ha! Not so tough after all. Thanks

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 517
Joined: Jun 2011

You're still tough - tougher than you know. You're doing just fine.

Berri
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2011

I too was scared to death about entering treatment...and that was 11 years ago. You have a very curable cancer and you will get through the treatment and be okay. Look toward the finish of treatment with a positive attitude...have confidence in the Lord. My prayers are with you.
Stay strong,
Berry

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 3149
Joined: Jan 2010

I understand your anxiety and feelings of dread--I felt the same way. It's fear of the unknown that really screwed with my head. But you are here with us and there are many things that we know from our experiences that you do not yet know, so lean on us. Ask us questions, learn what to expect. While each person's experience is a little different, we all have some commonalities and that can help you deal with whatever comes along. We are here to help one another.

mxperry220
Posts: 373
Joined: Mar 2011

The worst part of my whole process was the pre-treatment ordeal. The testing and waiting was the worst part for me emotionally. I like you did not know what to expect - whether I would live or die. I did not sleep for two weeks prior to starting treatment. Once I started the radiation and chemo treatments I looked at the daily radiation visits as my job. It helped me get through the emotional anxiety. I found it very helpful talking with other patients in the oncology area while waiting for my radiation treatment. I am now 33 month post treatment. The chemo doctor told me if I had to have cancer this was the one to have. There is a very high cure success rate with anal cancer versus other cancer types.

sephie's picture
sephie
Posts: 548
Joined: Apr 2009

first of all, you are at one of the best places to be. MDA has seen many anal cancers and they have even improved on tx since i was there 2 years ago. eat now to get protein in your system for healing. use drinks, if needed. this is curable. your fear is justified and normal. But you will conquer it. love and hugs to you sephie

Memphis Mary 49's picture
Memphis Mary 49
Posts: 52
Joined: Aug 2011

Lorikat,

I was really scared during that period of time, after diagnosis and before meeting the oncologist and getting scanned. I think we all understand it. To be honest, sometimes I still get a little overwhelmed. I haven't had my follow up appointments yet. Just keep coming here - we will hold your hand. :) You will get great care at MDA. Like Sephie said, You will conquer it!

Love,
M

cap630
Posts: 150
Joined: Jul 2011

Your feelings are very normal. Look at what you are going through. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I'm 6 weeks out of treatment and some days are good, some are great, and some not so good. I am finding the good days out weight the bad. Take what ever meds you need to get through this. Keep visiting this wonderful website! We're all here for you.
~Carol

janke
Posts: 29
Joined: Aug 2011

I know Cancer is scary. What helped me thru the diagnosis and treatment, I just kept telling myself this is one of the MOST cureable cancers. I'll never forget the day my oncologist broke the news to me that I had cancer. He asked me for a four letter word.......I spouted ALL the four letter words I knew (the ones you are not supposed to say). I never dreamed he was looking for the work CURE. We both laughed and bonded and from that moment on I never looked back. Keep a good thought.

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 517
Joined: Jun 2011

That's a funny story about the four letter words!

sissy310
Posts: 300
Joined: May 2010

Your fear is very normal. Reading your post, I was reminded of the emotions I felt a year ago. So many unanswered questions, so much unknown. I found going into the NCCN guidelines helped having a 'map' so to speak to understand what the doctor had to say to me. Its a whirlwind of tests and scans and then conclusions as to how to proceed with treatment. I also remember this site being my lifeline to help with the building anxiety - mostly because of the unknown. Everyone in here helped allay some of my fears and listened to me vent or express those fears. It was what got me through. So come in here 'talk', vent, you can be guaranteed that there will be many of us in here who have been there, done that who can help you with the unknown portions. Keep coming in here, keep us posted - we are all here for you to help you through this. Hugs, Marilyne

janke
Posts: 29
Joined: Aug 2011

Hello how are you feeling today? You have been on my mind. I know you are scared, use this site. Ask the people who have been there. I tried support groups..I am a very private person, and shy. Support groups to me were very uncomfortable. But here in the comfort of the internet I can speak freely and ask any questions I wish. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that you will be fine! If we are going to get a cancer well this is one of the better ones to get. It's cureable!!!! Now that I reflect upon my own fears.... my biggest fear was of the unknown. Not knowing what to ask, not knowing what to expect, just the unknown in general. That's where this wonderful site comes to your aid. Take a deep breath and a positive attitude. We are all here for you.

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 569
Joined: Jul 2011

You are right. Fear of the unknown is horrible. Having a blog friend to talk to is one of the many riches we garner at this site. Tuesday will be the first step of what may be a long journey. Thankfully I have been given a frank look at what to expect while being reminded everyone is different. Thank you .....

cap630
Posts: 150
Joined: Jul 2011

Thinking of you. Please let us know how you make out of Tuesday.
~Carol

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