Treatment “flashbacks”: Isn’t it crazy what our minds do?
There’s no logical reason for this. I haven’t even had any recent tests or doctor visits, and all the ones I have had in the 18+ months since completing treatment have been perfect -– all my doctors are happy. Physically, I feel really good, and have no symptoms of any kind.
Then I looked at the calendar.
2 years ago this week, I had my first chemo.
It hit me again today, to the point that I’m even feeling the same low-grade nausea that I had after each chemo. I know it will pass, and I’m just trying to be extra gentle with myself...but isn’t it crazy what our minds do to us?
Traci
Comments
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I just told a fellow
I just told a fellow "surviving" friend yesterday that one thing I feel I can't get back that cancer takes away is peace of mind. Since mine started 3 years ago, I don't think I ever can rid that little feeling in the back of my brain that pops up with the "what ifs".
Pains that were so easily dismissed BC, are now worries of "is it???
Maybe if I can go about 10 years WITHOUT anything going on, I'll feel like I did before cancer again!!
Have a wonderful weekend Traci!!0 -
I know about my weird brain
I am the one who was totally freaked out by radiation. No logical reason for it, nothing hurt me, touched me, was mean to me, etc. but I HATED radiation, so much that I donated to a children's hospital because the commercial showed a young child having radiation. I told my husband he'd better hope that commercial doesn't play very often.
I am not as far post treatment as you but as labor day approaches, and that is when I found the lump, I have started remembering with clarity.
Hope it goes away for you soon,
Jennifer0 -
Traci...SueRelays said:I just told a fellow
I just told a fellow "surviving" friend yesterday that one thing I feel I can't get back that cancer takes away is peace of mind. Since mine started 3 years ago, I don't think I ever can rid that little feeling in the back of my brain that pops up with the "what ifs".
Pains that were so easily dismissed BC, are now worries of "is it???
Maybe if I can go about 10 years WITHOUT anything going on, I'll feel like I did before cancer again!!
Have a wonderful weekend Traci!!
It's amazing, the power of the mind and our subconscious..... I am so happy you feel great.....and I understand the "what if's..." I think dates are burned into our minds when something as traumatic as cancer enters our life...it hit me yesterday, that the day I finish my radiation, again, will be the date that I started radiation , two years ago.... I remember that clearly, yet have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night!
Wishing you continued good health..
Hugs, Nancy
Ps..sure that low grade nausea, isn't due to the pitter patter of little feet? lol.
0 -
Jennifer, maybe you should
Jennifer, maybe you should make little donations!
Traci, I think you should just plan a vacation this time of year for a bit. I don't know that it will ever completely go away. It might be a biological thing more than a psychological thing. Or both!
I know tuesday will always be my favorite day of the week. I had chemo on wednesdays so I always felt good on tuesdays!
Cindy0 -
Jennifer, maybe you should
Jennifer, maybe you should make little donations!
Traci, I think you should just plan a vacation this time of year for a bit. I don't know that it will ever completely go away. It might be a biological thing more than a psychological thing. Or both!
I know tuesday will always be my favorite day of the week. I had chemo on wednesdays so I always felt good on tuesdays!
Cindy0 -
"The pitter patter of little feet"?MAJW said:Traci...
It's amazing, the power of the mind and our subconscious..... I am so happy you feel great.....and I understand the "what if's..." I think dates are burned into our minds when something as traumatic as cancer enters our life...it hit me yesterday, that the day I finish my radiation, again, will be the date that I started radiation , two years ago.... I remember that clearly, yet have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night!
Wishing you continued good health..
Hugs, Nancy
Ps..sure that low grade nausea, isn't due to the pitter patter of little feet? lol.
No, Nancy -- my girlfriend had her tubes tied after her last baby, so she can't get me pregnant....
;-) Traci0 -
Yepgrams2jc said:I know about my weird brain
I am the one who was totally freaked out by radiation. No logical reason for it, nothing hurt me, touched me, was mean to me, etc. but I HATED radiation, so much that I donated to a children's hospital because the commercial showed a young child having radiation. I told my husband he'd better hope that commercial doesn't play very often.
I am not as far post treatment as you but as labor day approaches, and that is when I found the lump, I have started remembering with clarity.
Hope it goes away for you soon,
Jennifer
I occasionally worry, too. Not as much as I used to with each passing day/week/month, but it enters my mind often enough. I not only worry about recurrence, but what long term effects of the chemo or radiation might pop up - like a secondary cancer and heart issues. They all worry me (occasionally). And for no apparent reason. Sue hit the nail on the head that cancer takes away our peace of mind.
I think we just have to accept that because we learned so much about our disease, we know what we have to worry about. Back "in the day" patients just did what they were told and didn't know they needed to worry about these things. I think it's good we know as much as we do, tho.
Suzanne0 -
Good to know we're all normal!mamolady said:Jennifer, maybe you should
Jennifer, maybe you should make little donations!
Traci, I think you should just plan a vacation this time of year for a bit. I don't know that it will ever completely go away. It might be a biological thing more than a psychological thing. Or both!
I know tuesday will always be my favorite day of the week. I had chemo on wednesdays so I always felt good on tuesdays!
Cindy
Depending on how you define normal! As I looked in the mirror this morning I reminded my husband that last year at this time I was BALD. He said, no you weren't. I told him to look at the calendar again, YES I was. I actually felt kinda lonely this week.0 -
Traci,skipper54 said:Good to know we're all normal!
Depending on how you define normal! As I looked in the mirror this morning I reminded my husband that last year at this time I was BALD. He said, no you weren't. I told him to look at the calendar again, YES I was. I actually felt kinda lonely this week.
It is timely that you
Traci,
It is timely that you posted this subject. Whenever people speak of cancerversaries I used to feel weird because I could never remember the date that I was told. The 2 dates that are forever etched in my mind are the dates I completed chemo and rads. Oct. 14th and Dec. 22nd. My daughter takes me out to dinner on my versary (according to her) because SHE remembers and I still can't tell you the actual date although I know it's early April. Maybe 6th or 8th. I wonder why this date has created a mental block with me and I find the human mind quite intriguing.
I realize the 2 dates are happy occasions because i was finished with a rough journey and I guess that's why I remember them. I wonder though why the date of my diagnosis isn't etched in my mind. I'm getting too deep, sorry, but I know other people who find it odd that I can't tell you that.
Cancer sure has changed us and we will probably always think of recurrance with every ache or pain. That is the only thing that remains a negative in my mind through all this because I try hard to see the positive to get through each day.
Great post Traci ~
Thanks,
Hugs, Wanda0 -
Trace...Lighthouse_7 said:Traci,
It is timely that you
Traci,
It is timely that you posted this subject. Whenever people speak of cancerversaries I used to feel weird because I could never remember the date that I was told. The 2 dates that are forever etched in my mind are the dates I completed chemo and rads. Oct. 14th and Dec. 22nd. My daughter takes me out to dinner on my versary (according to her) because SHE remembers and I still can't tell you the actual date although I know it's early April. Maybe 6th or 8th. I wonder why this date has created a mental block with me and I find the human mind quite intriguing.
I realize the 2 dates are happy occasions because i was finished with a rough journey and I guess that's why I remember them. I wonder though why the date of my diagnosis isn't etched in my mind. I'm getting too deep, sorry, but I know other people who find it odd that I can't tell you that.
Cancer sure has changed us and we will probably always think of recurrance with every ache or pain. That is the only thing that remains a negative in my mind through all this because I try hard to see the positive to get through each day.
Great post Traci ~
Thanks,
Hugs, Wanda
I tried...what can I say....lol
Hugs, Nancy0 -
Hi Traci,
I think we all think about the what ifs.
It's 3 years this week since my last chemo. I then had a single
mastectomy and then a few months later started 28 rounds of
radiation and had to finish my Herceptin treatments.
I also think what if I had a double mastectomy instead and what would
I do if the chemo comes back. Thankfully it hasn't, I still see
my med. oncologist every four months and go for a blood test a week
before I see him...
Angie0 -
Oh, Traci, how I do know what you mean!
Every little thing makes me nervous - could it be?!? Since I have no memory, I started to write down my 'symptoms' - every ache, pain, indigestion... how, what, when & where. Nothing so far more than notes to mention to my onc, pcp, gyno, vet, etc.
Take heart - your 'normal'!
Sue0 -
Traci glad to see you smilingsbmly53 said:Oh, Traci, how I do know what you mean!
Every little thing makes me nervous - could it be?!? Since I have no memory, I started to write down my 'symptoms' - every ache, pain, indigestion... how, what, when & where. Nothing so far more than notes to mention to my onc, pcp, gyno, vet, etc.
Take heart - your 'normal'!
Sue
Actually I do have a plan for myself. I do have answers to all of your questions for myself. I think they are very good ones. I was in complete shock and absolutely unprepared 3 years ago, I even did not know that could happen to young women.
it is normal to think about it .
Celebrate your 2 years out of it.
Hugs0 -
Traci ---New Flower said:Traci glad to see you smiling
Actually I do have a plan for myself. I do have answers to all of your questions for myself. I think they are very good ones. I was in complete shock and absolutely unprepared 3 years ago, I even did not know that could happen to young women.
it is normal to think about it .
Celebrate your 2 years out of it.
Hugs
Anxiety, emotions, and recall of what you went thru 2 years -- started this ball rolling. Even tho we have completed treatment, the memory, and fear has been seared into our heart, minds and souls -- forever.
Celebrate the 'new' you, and your 'new' normal. Happy 2nd anniversary.
Strength, Courage and Hope.
Vicki Sam0 -
Traci,
I'm glad you are
Traci,
I'm glad you are being gentle with yourself. And it is crazy what our minds do to us. Maybe now that you've found a reason for the worries and the nausea they will go away...
Hugs,
Linda0 -
You are normal Traci, asskipper54 said:Good to know we're all normal!
Depending on how you define normal! As I looked in the mirror this morning I reminded my husband that last year at this time I was BALD. He said, no you weren't. I told him to look at the calendar again, YES I was. I actually felt kinda lonely this week.
You are normal Traci, as normal as any of us can be! And, I mean that in a good way!
Hugs, Lex0
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