Aug 07, 2011 - 9:03 pm
My 60 year old mother just went to hospice today after not being very alert and responsive for a couple days. She has just been sleeping. I not only live in another state, I am currently traveling for business and my company has prepaid all my expenses. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I already have airline tickets purchased for me and my family to go see her over the labor day weekend but I just don't think she can hang on that long. I pray that she does, but the doctor said she has the most aggressive cancer they have seen. Its in her brain and spine now and she is basically paralyzed. My 62 year old dad has a bad back and has been having a really hard time handling all this physically but most of all emotionally. They have been married 45 years and they are each others best friend.
I've gone back and seen her 3 times in the past 6 months but I don't know how I will be able to handle it if I don't get back in time to see her before it's too late. I'm also worried that if I do go back right now and she does hang on will have to come home again just to go back again. I know this sounds horrible but I just can't afford the travel expenses. I'm putting it all on my credit card and additionally I just got this job a month and a half ago after being laid off for 6 months. Ugh. Not only am I greiving for my mother, I'm confused on what to do right now. I just keep praying for God to give her the strength to hang on long enough for me to get there.
I guess my question would be if there is anyone out there that have experienced not being there when your mother or father passed and how you feel or got through it. I want to be there, but the reality is that I may not be and I don't know how I will be able to cope with that.