Aug 03, 2011 - 7:25 am
On June 8th 2011 an MRI revealed that my 4yr old son has multiple golf ball sized tumors on his brain. We immediately drove from Iowa to Memphis TN to St Judes. Lee had a crainiotomy on June 16th to remove 90% of one large tumor on his left temporal lobe and they drained a very large cyst in addition. After the pathology report came back he was diagnosed with stage I Pilocytic Astrocytoma. The remainder of his tumors are inoperable and they have scattered amongst his young fragile brain. He is currently receiving chemotherapy for the next 18 months. The 3 chemo drugs he is receiving are making him very sick and we are only 5 weeks into his therapy.
I feel so guilty for giving him these poisons, for putting him through surgery, and really for him having brain cancer. Repeatedly I have been told its not my fault and I need to change my views. It is so hard!! I pray often, try to think positive, and never let him see my weakness. The pain of watching my baby endure this is killing me!! I cant sleep, eat, or function. I take my anti-depressant meds and sleeping pills and still struggle with the daily emotions. How do you aquire better coping skills? How do I rid myself of this horrible guilt? How do I fully accept that my son has brain cancer? And when does the fear of him dying go away?