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the look in their eyes

tramoo2
Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2011

have you ever told someone about the progress of your condition and saw the look in their eye or heard it in their voice that "they think that you will probly die"
other peoples thoughts don't determine your outcome, but their lack of confidence sure gives you a doomed feeling.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh I heard that tone in voices when I told people I was diagnosed at first however. Here I am 25 years later and 4 of those people you describe are now passed, long before me.

Bottomline is that you need to focus on those people who, from the getgo say, 'I'm sorry to hear that but you can fight this thing and win' or words to that effect. The doomful ones, if they persist, keep your distance from that group if you can and stick with the positive and forward thinking people in your life. It will pay off.

No one knows how long any of us have down here on this crazy planet and just because we have had to face our mortality issues earlier than some that doesn't mean that the diagnosis will take us. Not at all. I was diagnosed 25 years ago and many people wrote me off right away at the first uttering of the word 'cancer', they are now gone where the day I told them they were perfectly fine. No one knows.

Are you spiritual? That helped me alot and group prayer praying for me during my toughest times in treatments got me through, I KNOW that to be true. I hopeyou have faith in your life.

Keep us posted and hope to hear from you soon.

Blessings,
Bluerose

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

As soon as my mom started telling people about her condition - they practically indirectly said get ready for a funeral. I have yelled my head off so many times with people that come around her and knock her down. I do everything in my power to tell her she will fight this and I am telling you too - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! stay away from people that are negative as you don't need this energy around you. Be around people that won't always talk about your condition and make you smile and laugh. I wish you the absolute best!!

nasher
Posts: 507
Joined: Apr 2010

yes I know the feeling...

people hear cancer for the first time and wonder if you are going to live through the year let alone a normal life span.

in my case I end up with a second issue... if they have heard of thryoid cancer they have also normally heard its the "GOOD CANCER" and assume I want a pity party.

in both cases I have lost what I though were friends cause of both reasons.

I have found I end up relating to others who are not in perfect health, and by that I mean if they have had a major medical issue they seem to understand that while you may have limits to what you can do you are not going to give up.

Myself and my wife both have a series of medical issues and so do our best 6 or 7 friends. we can always rely on each other in a large group for help in what we can not do that day.

Most my "healthy" friends know someone close to them who have had major medical issues.

It looks like my combination of medical issues may have made it so I will not be able to hold a job... but i can drive someone else to a hospital, I can be with someone when there loved one goes through surgery, I can cheer someone up when they are stuck in a hospital bed.

for me if a person gets the doom and gloom expressions or such because of me they are not worth my limited energy to deal with... I would rather play a game with a person in a rest home or listen to one of there stories then spend my energy to convince a healthy person (or a person who has not realized they are mortal yet)that I could be a great friend or such who understands that people get sick now and then.

Craig

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I love your additude I wish there were more people like you instead of those who just don't get it. I have stage for ovarian cancer I was told on June 4th of 2011 by my third treatment I made it into remission. For the most my friends have been great but a lot of them tell me all the time how good I look it is like if they say it all the time it might be true. I have learned they really just don't know what to say so they tell me how good I look. I have learned to just say thank you at least they are trying. I have had some friends who just stopped calling and for them I am like you I just don't waist my time with them.

Anne

pattyanny's picture
pattyanny
Posts: 523
Joined: Jul 2009

I just hate those "pity eyes"! I now keep my mouth closed about my condition. People exclaim "Wow, you lost a lot of weight!" I say excitedly "Why - Thank you very much!" Most just stand there in surprise. Unfortunately, some WANT to hear a sob story, and I refuse to fuel their need for gossip. I, too, found comfort in prayer, and am looking for a support group to share experiences with people who would understand our circumstances. I am 1 1/2 years out and am happy to be here. I do not need ANY negativity around me. Nor do I need those "Dondie" big sad eyes! Lol! I realize some are really concerned, but I keep my answers short. My few real friends I have left know the situation and are concerned, but not intrusive. Sorry to go on tramoo2, I guess I needed to vent! Lol! Thanks for the post! I needed that! Believe!!!!

Love & Prayers, Patty

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